Coping with mom during chemo?!
Question: Coping with mom during chemo.?
My mom just finished her 2nd round of chemo. She's lost her hair and I know that she's going through a lot of pain. I've heard stories of people who never miss a day of work during their chemo rounds but my mom has a disability leave and basically just sits at home all day watching TV.
I'm more than happy to answer her requests like getting her a glass of water or cleaning the cat box or washing the dishes. But today my dad has taken my cat back to the humane society. All this because she's had little accidents around the house (eg. peeing on bags, carpets, etc.) I've been the one cleaning all the cat throw up and pee so she doesn't have to touch it.
My dad is mad because he's 'has to clean the litterbox all the time', which he's done only TWO times. In both cases it was on the weekend when I slept in a little and so he was 'forced' to clean the litterbox because I was asleep, when he could have left it for 30 minutes and had me clean it after I woke up. When I was against giving our cat back, my parents pull the 'you care more about your cat than you do about your mother'. They consistently fail to see the little things I've done for my mother, and instead yell at me for not doing enough for her. How should I cope.? I know I'm supposed to be patient but it's getting frustrating.Health Question & Answer
I'm more than happy to answer her requests like getting her a glass of water or cleaning the cat box or washing the dishes. But today my dad has taken my cat back to the humane society. All this because she's had little accidents around the house (eg. peeing on bags, carpets, etc.) I've been the one cleaning all the cat throw up and pee so she doesn't have to touch it.
My dad is mad because he's 'has to clean the litterbox all the time', which he's done only TWO times. In both cases it was on the weekend when I slept in a little and so he was 'forced' to clean the litterbox because I was asleep, when he could have left it for 30 minutes and had me clean it after I woke up. When I was against giving our cat back, my parents pull the 'you care more about your cat than you do about your mother'. They consistently fail to see the little things I've done for my mother, and instead yell at me for not doing enough for her. How should I cope.? I know I'm supposed to be patient but it's getting frustrating.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Been there .
Nerves are on end & people deal w/ stress in different ways .
No one is trying to be mean , its the fear talking.
Do not have a flowery , feel good answer for you.
Its early in the treatment & still very upsetting.
There might be some ups & downs but as time goes on people get used to things and adapt.
You know you are trying to do the right thing & that's all you can do.
See if the hospital or clinic mom is going to has counselling for family members of patients.
Could bring it up, & if you think it might not go over too well, try it for yourself .
Hope all goes well.
Best regards
Health Question & Answer
Nerves are on end & people deal w/ stress in different ways .
No one is trying to be mean , its the fear talking.
Do not have a flowery , feel good answer for you.
Its early in the treatment & still very upsetting.
There might be some ups & downs but as time goes on people get used to things and adapt.
You know you are trying to do the right thing & that's all you can do.
See if the hospital or clinic mom is going to has counselling for family members of patients.
Could bring it up, & if you think it might not go over too well, try it for yourself .
Hope all goes well.
Best regards
Health Question & Answer
your situation sounds distressing. I know it sounds hard, but keep persevering round the house and try to be strong for your parents. Call childline for support if you feel you cant talk to your parents.Health Question & Answer
being a cancer survivor I have to agree with your dad that you are sounding selfish, the sickness your mother is going through is beyond description, her whole system is being poisonedHealth Question & Answer
It sounds like your parents are finding the illness hugely difficult and are trying to relieve any potential stress. Obviously the cat was causing them stress so they took her to the humane society.
I am sure they may see what you do but maybe they are finding the "fear of the unknown" (cancer and what the prognosis will be) difficult.
Chemo can be absolutely devastatingly tiring for the person receiving it and make them feel horrid. Please understand that Chemo is a hard slog for most people. I think it highly unusual that anyone could cope with working after having chemo as the sickness (caused by the toxic chemicals being put in the body) can be debilitating.
You say your Mother "just sits at home all day watching TV" Maybe that is her way of coping.? And why shouldn't she sit at home all day if that is what makes her feel most secure.If she is going to suddenly throw up she will feel safer at home with her family than at work! The vomiting is often without warning and projectile so her being at home is very sensible.
Do remember that cancer puts an awful strain on most people (you included!) and we all deal with it in different ways. Continue being as supportive as you can please.
I have nursed several people having had chemo and most have felt totally drained and nauseated after and need complete rest and peace...not stress or arguments.Health Question & Answer
I am sure they may see what you do but maybe they are finding the "fear of the unknown" (cancer and what the prognosis will be) difficult.
Chemo can be absolutely devastatingly tiring for the person receiving it and make them feel horrid. Please understand that Chemo is a hard slog for most people. I think it highly unusual that anyone could cope with working after having chemo as the sickness (caused by the toxic chemicals being put in the body) can be debilitating.
You say your Mother "just sits at home all day watching TV" Maybe that is her way of coping.? And why shouldn't she sit at home all day if that is what makes her feel most secure.If she is going to suddenly throw up she will feel safer at home with her family than at work! The vomiting is often without warning and projectile so her being at home is very sensible.
Do remember that cancer puts an awful strain on most people (you included!) and we all deal with it in different ways. Continue being as supportive as you can please.
I have nursed several people having had chemo and most have felt totally drained and nauseated after and need complete rest and peace...not stress or arguments.Health Question & Answer
I really do feel for you - your cat was something you could depend on, and now its gone - and you have nothing to 'talk' to about your fears.
Try and see if the hospital your Mom goes to has a counselling service for families - you need this just as much. You don't have to tell your family you are going, but it would probably help to talk to someone who is going to be impartial but can give good advice.
And look on www.after-cancer.com - under Contacts - there are various cancer organizations listed, and they are bound to have some ideas to help.
Good luck
VeriteRHealth Question & Answer
Try and see if the hospital your Mom goes to has a counselling service for families - you need this just as much. You don't have to tell your family you are going, but it would probably help to talk to someone who is going to be impartial but can give good advice.
And look on www.after-cancer.com - under Contacts - there are various cancer organizations listed, and they are bound to have some ideas to help.
Good luck
VeriteRHealth Question & Answer
Well, I can see you are going through a lot of pain and worry too. I think you may have used your kitty as a solace during all this hard time and I'll bet that it is very hard for you to see it go.
It sounds like you are trying to help out some, I would really try to do more - not just your own chores or things that you are asked to do, but just get up and do the dishes or get up and vacuume without being asked. This will help relive some of the tension in the house.
Everyone is different when it comes to chemo and cancer - I have cancer, not going through any treatments at this moment, but I am tired and weak all the time. I don't breathe well because of some complications from surgery and I can't work. You never know how bad your mom is feeling because you are not her. She probably hides some of it from you. She is probably a little depressed too.
Now back to the kitty situation. I can understand a little of what your mom is feeling - so let me try to explain. Some days when you are really sick and really stressed out, something as small as a cat peeing on the rug can just send you over the edge. It can be the thing that makes you loose your control and freak out. It can be the thing that makes you break down and cry. (same thing with my son pooping on the floor, or the dishwasher breaking down - not a big deal to a healthy mom, but big deal to me some days). Probably your mom freaked out and your dad (who is also really stressed out and trying to help your mom keep from getting stressed out) said "that's it - the cat goes!"
Now, you an't do anything about this. I know you are sad, I know you feel like your life shouldn't end just because your mom is sick. I know you are a teenager and it's hard to think from someone else's point of view. But that's what I want you to do now. She is very sick. She is afraid of dying and leaving you with no mom and your dad with no wife. She is afraid of not being a good enough mom right now. She is depressed because she is on meds that make her sick and ugly and she wants to just be better and done with all of this. It may not happen anytime soon.
Stress makes cancer grow. Your dad knows this and is trying to help her keep from getting stressed out. That's why he got rid of the cat and yelled at you.
Now, you need to take some responsibility here. Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of your family. This is going to be the thing that will make you feel better more than anything, although it will be hard at first. I want you to make a list of the things you can help out with around the house that you don't already do. I don't mean get a glass of water or make your own bed. I mean vacuume the living room, sweep the kitchen, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom. Chose one of those things a day and do it. Even if you don't want to. And don't make a big deal out of it. Just do it and then go do your homework or whatever.
Sometimes when we feel bad, helping others makes us feel better. Since it's obvious that your family needs help right now, why don't you try to be the one to help, instead of worrying about your cat who is gone and you can't do anything about.
I'm not being mean, I'm not telling you this because I think you are selfish. I am telling you that if you step outside of your world for a minute and see what is really happening in your house, you will be better and happier for it.
Just think if your mom dies. When you are 20 you are going to look back and say "why didn't I help more.?" "why did I worry about some stupid puking cat so much.?" "why didn't I spend more time with her.?" I don't want you to do that, so stop right now, make a list of stuff you can do and go do one. Then spend some time with your poor sick depressed mom and try to enjoy the time you are lucky enough to have with her.Health Question & Answer
It sounds like you are trying to help out some, I would really try to do more - not just your own chores or things that you are asked to do, but just get up and do the dishes or get up and vacuume without being asked. This will help relive some of the tension in the house.
Everyone is different when it comes to chemo and cancer - I have cancer, not going through any treatments at this moment, but I am tired and weak all the time. I don't breathe well because of some complications from surgery and I can't work. You never know how bad your mom is feeling because you are not her. She probably hides some of it from you. She is probably a little depressed too.
Now back to the kitty situation. I can understand a little of what your mom is feeling - so let me try to explain. Some days when you are really sick and really stressed out, something as small as a cat peeing on the rug can just send you over the edge. It can be the thing that makes you loose your control and freak out. It can be the thing that makes you break down and cry. (same thing with my son pooping on the floor, or the dishwasher breaking down - not a big deal to a healthy mom, but big deal to me some days). Probably your mom freaked out and your dad (who is also really stressed out and trying to help your mom keep from getting stressed out) said "that's it - the cat goes!"
Now, you an't do anything about this. I know you are sad, I know you feel like your life shouldn't end just because your mom is sick. I know you are a teenager and it's hard to think from someone else's point of view. But that's what I want you to do now. She is very sick. She is afraid of dying and leaving you with no mom and your dad with no wife. She is afraid of not being a good enough mom right now. She is depressed because she is on meds that make her sick and ugly and she wants to just be better and done with all of this. It may not happen anytime soon.
Stress makes cancer grow. Your dad knows this and is trying to help her keep from getting stressed out. That's why he got rid of the cat and yelled at you.
Now, you need to take some responsibility here. Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of your family. This is going to be the thing that will make you feel better more than anything, although it will be hard at first. I want you to make a list of the things you can help out with around the house that you don't already do. I don't mean get a glass of water or make your own bed. I mean vacuume the living room, sweep the kitchen, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom. Chose one of those things a day and do it. Even if you don't want to. And don't make a big deal out of it. Just do it and then go do your homework or whatever.
Sometimes when we feel bad, helping others makes us feel better. Since it's obvious that your family needs help right now, why don't you try to be the one to help, instead of worrying about your cat who is gone and you can't do anything about.
I'm not being mean, I'm not telling you this because I think you are selfish. I am telling you that if you step outside of your world for a minute and see what is really happening in your house, you will be better and happier for it.
Just think if your mom dies. When you are 20 you are going to look back and say "why didn't I help more.?" "why did I worry about some stupid puking cat so much.?" "why didn't I spend more time with her.?" I don't want you to do that, so stop right now, make a list of stuff you can do and go do one. Then spend some time with your poor sick depressed mom and try to enjoy the time you are lucky enough to have with her.Health Question & Answer