Wishes for Christmas's of past, this one is our worst, having a hard time coping...advice please.?!


Question: Wishes for Christmas's of past, this one is our worst, having a hard time coping...advice please..?
My wife was diagnosed with cancer July 1st. She was the major wage earner, she has not worked since we found out she had cancer. At first I was working 60+ hours a week (in a tipped position, so making minimum wages).

Our income the last years were $100,000+ so we had plenty of money to buy presents for everyone. This year we can hardly pay our rent. I looked at Christmas trees and decorations and cannot even afford that, so I have some lights and branches of trees around the house on tables.

I make a pot of soup and we eat it for a week at a time. My family is used to getting nice gifts like new TV's, computers, and fancy food gift certificates. This year they will get nothing because we have nothing to give. It has humbled me greatly.

When I was young 12 years old, we were poor. A local charity donated a box of gifts and food to my mom on Christmas eve. Before they gifts came my mom was crying. Now, the hospital workers where my wife gets her chemotherapy treatments wanted to donate gifts and food to us, but the memories of my childhood prevented me from accepting it. (I figured there are families poorer than us that could use their help) besides it reminded me of childhood, and I told myself I never wanted to be that poor again.

And it appears that I am. How do I let my family know I cannot give them anything for Christmas.? It is depressing me greatly. So sad...Health Question & Answer


Answers:
I'm so sorry for your families struggles but you need to gain a new perspective. Christmas is about being with your family and sharing the magic with children, not about gifts. If you have children, you should encourage them to make gifts for grandparents, aunts, uncles. That doesn't have to cost anything other than maybe a few dollars at the dollar store. Go online and look for ideas. also see what you can cut out of your life. Me and my husband, both working full time, recently went down to one car and cut out our cable tv. We love riding to work together even though its inconvenient. We also unplug everything and re-sell items we don't use. I always sell my kids clothes at consignment once they out grow them. Look around your house and see what you don't need anymore. Your family will understand that your going through this hard time but you have to communicate with them. Their support will be vital in your wife's recovery and your mental health. Finally, is she eligible for disability or social security benefits.? If she had a career, she should be eligible for some type of income due to her cancer. Good luck and enjoy the holidays as a time to share and rejoice life, not gifts.Health Question & Answer

I don't think it will be difficult for the family to realise that your economic situation has changed, and not to the better.

Christmas is not really for giving really expensive gifts, but to show that you care, and to celibrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our savior, and it is as good of time as any to remember this.

You can humble yourself to accept the gifts of food, and when things are better, you can repay those gifts to others. It seems that you have paid in advance many good gifts, and you have shared in the past what bounty you had.

Don't be concerned with what you have to give this year. Nobody will come over and say "It sure would be nice to replace that old TV you gave me 3 years ago, now that my cable TV will not work anymore."

If they do not understand, they are not really as close of friends as you though that they where. I applaud you for working such long hours to make the budget work, it is important to get what you can and you are doing it.

I know another person going through brain cancer, he is doing much better, and walking again. He refused chemo becuase he is 85, and did not want to die weak and tired, but discovered something that is killing his cancer cells.

The holidays are always a bit sad in my childhood, as mom died a week before Christmas and dad several years later a couple of weeks after Christmas.

Best of luck to you.Health Question & Answer



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