Could someone please give me some advice? I really need it?!
Question: Could someone please give me some advice.? I really need it.?
OK this is going to be a bit long, so if anyone could please read it and give me some advice, I would be seriously grateful.
Basically, the problem is that I am really unhappy and lonely in my first year at university. I go to a well-known school in a great city, but I can't seem to figure out what to do... It is complicated to explain. I am always alone in my dorm room or working out in the gym. I study a lot, but even when I'm not busy I just can't think of anything to do if I leave my dorm. I guess it is just that I can't think of anything to do, and if I can, usually it isn't something I want to do alone.?
I don't have any real friends here. I have always been very social and people in the past have usually seemed to like me, like at school and at my work and in other activities. And I do some things in the city outside of university and people there seem to get along with me very well. So it is really just other students who I can't make friends with. I don't know why it is, or how it happened, but I can't seem to make friends with people I go to school with. I am in a lot of school clubs and I am friendly to people, and they are friendly back, but it never really goes past the 'friendly acquaintance' stage. So when I run into them it is cool, but I can't really call them up and ask them to hang out, because we're not on that close terms. I have no idea why I can;t make any sort of connection to these people.
The campus isn't conducive to close friendships--all of the buildings are spread apart in the city and there is no real 'central' place for students to hang out. It is basically a commuter school, so it is really inconvenient to walk to someone else's dorm and for them to walk to mine... you know, like I can't just say, 'come on over!' because that would mean a 15-20 minute walk through the cold streets, and even then we'd just be in my room, which isn't really all that interesting.
I guess me explaining the inconvenience might make it seem like I don't try, but I seriously do. I have two friends here, and I walk really far to their dorm whenever they're free, but that isn't all too often. This city makes people really busy... and I don't know why I am less busy.? Or I guess I just notice it more.?
ANyway on studentreviews.com a lot of people have the exact same complaints as me, which makes me feel a little better that it isn't necessarily my fault. However, knowing that doesn't solve the problem. I want to find a way to make friends, and maybe to feel better about this place.? When I go to bed I cry myself to sleep each night, and it is really getting me down. I want to transfer, but I am really worried that everyone will already have their friends when I do or that the same thing will happen somewhere else. I also don't want people to think I am a failure because I couldn't handle this university. ANy advice, sympathy, or anything would be really welcome.
thanks guysHealth Question & Answer
Basically, the problem is that I am really unhappy and lonely in my first year at university. I go to a well-known school in a great city, but I can't seem to figure out what to do... It is complicated to explain. I am always alone in my dorm room or working out in the gym. I study a lot, but even when I'm not busy I just can't think of anything to do if I leave my dorm. I guess it is just that I can't think of anything to do, and if I can, usually it isn't something I want to do alone.?
I don't have any real friends here. I have always been very social and people in the past have usually seemed to like me, like at school and at my work and in other activities. And I do some things in the city outside of university and people there seem to get along with me very well. So it is really just other students who I can't make friends with. I don't know why it is, or how it happened, but I can't seem to make friends with people I go to school with. I am in a lot of school clubs and I am friendly to people, and they are friendly back, but it never really goes past the 'friendly acquaintance' stage. So when I run into them it is cool, but I can't really call them up and ask them to hang out, because we're not on that close terms. I have no idea why I can;t make any sort of connection to these people.
The campus isn't conducive to close friendships--all of the buildings are spread apart in the city and there is no real 'central' place for students to hang out. It is basically a commuter school, so it is really inconvenient to walk to someone else's dorm and for them to walk to mine... you know, like I can't just say, 'come on over!' because that would mean a 15-20 minute walk through the cold streets, and even then we'd just be in my room, which isn't really all that interesting.
I guess me explaining the inconvenience might make it seem like I don't try, but I seriously do. I have two friends here, and I walk really far to their dorm whenever they're free, but that isn't all too often. This city makes people really busy... and I don't know why I am less busy.? Or I guess I just notice it more.?
ANyway on studentreviews.com a lot of people have the exact same complaints as me, which makes me feel a little better that it isn't necessarily my fault. However, knowing that doesn't solve the problem. I want to find a way to make friends, and maybe to feel better about this place.? When I go to bed I cry myself to sleep each night, and it is really getting me down. I want to transfer, but I am really worried that everyone will already have their friends when I do or that the same thing will happen somewhere else. I also don't want people to think I am a failure because I couldn't handle this university. ANy advice, sympathy, or anything would be really welcome.
thanks guysHealth Question & Answer
Answers:
This is a very common problem actually and of course, that said it doesn't make it any easier. You see a lot of people go into college with an already established group of friends. So while they may meet and be cordial with new people, they would have already had close relationships with other friends and that would make it very difficult for new friends to become integrated into the existing cliques.
You say your campus isn't at all conducive to relationship formation. However, I think there might be some things you can do to invite friends into your life or at least to invite them to invite you into theirs.
Here are some suggestions:
Ask some of your acquaintances to go get coffee like after class- it would show that you at least like them as a friend and you would like to spend time with them.
Ask a couple of them to meet you to study for an exam or work on an assignment Or even to start a study group with you - even if they are usually very busy with little time to spare this could work because they get the work done and at the same time have fun doing it.
You may even ask some of them to go see a movie sometime- that way if they are busy they can actually set aside some time when they know they will be free so that way you don't impose on their time.
And also, give it time. It may take a little time before you hit it off with people but by all means keep trying and don't get discouraged. The best friends you make in life are worth the wait.Health Question & Answer
You say your campus isn't at all conducive to relationship formation. However, I think there might be some things you can do to invite friends into your life or at least to invite them to invite you into theirs.
Here are some suggestions:
Ask some of your acquaintances to go get coffee like after class- it would show that you at least like them as a friend and you would like to spend time with them.
Ask a couple of them to meet you to study for an exam or work on an assignment Or even to start a study group with you - even if they are usually very busy with little time to spare this could work because they get the work done and at the same time have fun doing it.
You may even ask some of them to go see a movie sometime- that way if they are busy they can actually set aside some time when they know they will be free so that way you don't impose on their time.
And also, give it time. It may take a little time before you hit it off with people but by all means keep trying and don't get discouraged. The best friends you make in life are worth the wait.Health Question & Answer
I recommend you check out this social networking community called LetsReflect.com. There are people there going through situations similar to yours. They are great for advice and encouragement.
The process of Self Reflection has truly changed my life and given me direction
The process of Self Reflection has truly changed my life and given me direction
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