I wish I was dead, I'm sick and I want to kill myself?!
Question: I wish I was dead, I'm sick and I want to kill myself.?
I feel awful. I knew it was going to come back and I knew it would get this bad again but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I just want to be in the dark and sleep forever, I don't want anyone to bother me. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything but I don't want to stay here either. I can't stop crying. Little things that annoy me now make me want to kill myself. I think about slicing my jugular vein. I can't think of any way to get out of this. I'm afraid to call my therapist because I called her yesterday and I was crying and really upset and she was at dinner with her friends and I feel so low for doing that. I've been taking my medication and it works but I can't control the inevitable reality of bipolar. I don't want to do this anymore, I want to be dead. I don't like calling strangers, they are always mean and I always yell at them because they say it's all my fault and I deserve to be this way. Everyone thinks it's funny. It's not funny. I'm cold and I'm hungry and I can't get out of this place. There is nothing to eat, I have no job and no one will hire. This place is killing me. I'm sick of being crazy and feeling like this every day. I hate when people blame me for things I can't control. My medical insurance ran out last week and I can't see my doctor anymore until April, I don't know what I'm going to do. No one understands and no one wants to understand. I have no friends, no one who has compassion. I'm stuck and I don't see a way out.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Please don't kill yourself! Despite what you believe, there is at least 1 person that cares about you. For example, I care about you, and I don't even know you. And I want to understand you. I really want to help you. But what can I really do.? I'll email you all the time if you want. But other than that, I don't have too much power since I don't know you personally. Just try to think of all the good things in your life. Like, think about that time you told me about when you went to see Rancid. Think about punk rock. Think about anything that makes you happy, and try to surround yourself with it.Health Question & Answer
Through the darkness one may come to light.
Start by alllowing everything to be as it is. Even though it's bad and intolerable and so on and so forth, just ACCEPT!
I promise it's the way out.... What comes goes, it's a fact, and meanwhile we can either surrender resistance or suffer by resisting.Health Question & Answer
Start by alllowing everything to be as it is. Even though it's bad and intolerable and so on and so forth, just ACCEPT!
I promise it's the way out.... What comes goes, it's a fact, and meanwhile we can either surrender resistance or suffer by resisting.Health Question & Answer
hang onHealth Question & Answer
just go to a hospital. for suicde thoughts they wont make you leaveHealth Question & Answer
Life can really be a pain - believe me I know. It makes me sad to hear that you hold such negativity; depression really captures a hold of a persons thoughts and feelings making them believe that nobody cares when they honestly do. You've had medication before and it worked then - and even though you can't see your own doctor until April you really should tell someone you know because in my eyes this is an emergency. Bipolar is an illness ok, you aren't worthless or whatever you might feel. You have the absolute capability to live a fulfilling life and no matter how much you want to die right now you can ALWAYS overcome it. I've been in that dark, lonely place before. It's absolutely heart wrenching. I really suggest you phone your therapist again - she might have been having a meal with friends at the time you called but that's nothing at all to be embarrassed about. She cares deeply for you, I'm sure of it, if she knew you felt this way she'd be right there on her way to help you out. She didn't become a therapist because she had to, she became one because she wanted to. She wanted to help suffering people become healthy and happy again. Please ring her up and tell her how you feel, I urge you. Whoever tells you it's your fault IGNORE the idiots. Of course it isn't your fault! Bipolar doesn't determine you as a person, it's just a small part of the big picture. You're extremely depressed right now so you can't see that but I promise you that's the case. And this situation isn't funny either - if anybody ever says that they ought to be ashamed. As for the job thing, try focusing on that when you get better. You need a more positive outlook on things otherwise it'll only seem to you to be getting worse. I also know what it feels like to have no friends. To be lonely. But you can get through this, you're strong; a fighter. Look deep within your soul, you're a wonderful person and if there's anyone out there that believes in you it's me. Don't let depression win. Take a hold of it and tackle it head on. Get help and hold on. There is a way out, you just need to realize it.Health Question & Answer
listen to me, you can't kill your self please!! i am sure there are people out there who care for you a lot and would devastated if you were gone...what i am trying to say is don'tt do it!!! when i was 11 yrs old my uncle committed suaside and it was horrible he had every thing: a family ,money, and his own restrant..the only thingg that was wrong was everythingg but he could have gottenthroughh it with counselingg!Health Question & Answer
I know this sounds corny, but I know exactly what you're saying. I have bipolar, too, and no matter what I do it just keeps coming back again. Over and over. And the doctors say, "Oh your med levels seem OK...see you next month." And the computer says you have too much punctuation...I've been doing this for 20 years. Don't give in. Think of the good times. They always come back again. If you want to chat with me privately: bananafish6726@yahoo.com. You remind me of myself and I'm here for you.Health Question & Answer