I feel like I'm never going to be happy?!
Question: I feel like I'm never going to be happy.?
I first considered suicide in the 3rd grade. I thought about climbing a climbing wall and jumping off. I never told anyone and I obviously did not act on those thoughts. I have been suicidal off and on ever since for various reasons. I've never been abused or neglected. In theory I have the perfect life. I have good grades. I am attractive. I am a senior this year and I have a shot at attending an ivy league school. Yes I am grateful. I recognize that I have so much more than the majority of the world has. So why can't I be happy.? Is there any hope for ever being happy.? I'm scared because I know that every part of my consciousness wants to be completely isolated from the world. I know that when I go to college I'm going to end up isolating myself, slowly cutting myself off from everyone that I am obligated to connect with now. But I just do not like being with people. I like it in theory. But it is so awkward. I overanalyze every word, every action. I can read people really well, and I am so paranoid that I am being read the same way. In some ways I want to be read the same way. I want people to notice that I am struggling right now, that I have cut myself in the past. I want them to notice that something is going on. But I think my expectations might be unreasonable. I'm just constantly disappointed by the hypocrisy of people by their flaws and inability to see their own superficiality. And I am constantly disappointed by myself, by the way I waste time and make big deals out of small things. I just don't see a way to fix it. I don't see a way to fix my mentality without shutting off the part of my brain that sees the world. I'm scared that I'm never going to be happy and I'm going to end up living cut off from the world. I'm scared that I'm going to end up killing myself one of these days when I feel down for something completely insignificant. It's like my coping mechanisms are nonexistant. And just to clarify, I've never attempted to kill myself because I know that I would succeed. When I want something, I work hard for it. I do not want to destroy the lives of the people around me. That is how I have resisted for so long. But if I allow myself to become detached from then, who knows what will happen. How can I deal with this.?Health Question & Answer
Make yourself a goal to reach. Its something to look forward too. It gives you motivation to keep going. Look at what you have. I'm guessing you either have had something in your past that bothers you or your just not happy and you have no clue why. Have a friend or a family member that you are really close too and talk to them when you feel real down. Ask that person for help and hang out with them when your in a really good mood. Some people write out their emotions. Some ignore it and keep going. Some pray. Killing yourself is never the answer. That's giving up. Always look at the positives of everything. Just take one day at a time. One day at time is how I keep going. As I read what you said its almost like a mirror of how I feel. You can get through this. If you say you will. One day at a time. Never say you can't or give up. You can do it. Make a goal and reach it. Stay with your family. I am in the opposite end of you. I am distant from my family. I have been abused. I am making it through. You can too. Hang in there. IT WILL GET BETTER!Health Question & Answer
talk to someone and go to therapyHealth Question & Answer