I need help (drugs) please don't judge me?!
Question: I need help (drugs) please don't judge me.?
I am so angry at myself. I guess I have fallen off the bandwagon....I have been clean for 8 years. Tonight I went into a known drug neighborhood looking for either heroin or roxys. I picked up this guy who told me he was gonna take me to his friend who would have some roxys and we were basically gonna swap pills. Apparently, I have been out of the scene a while and I let him get out of the car with my pills. We were in back of an apartment building and I wasn't paying attention. After a few minutes I realized he wasn't coming back. So I looked for him a bit and then went home. The fuc*ed up part is that I was more upset about not getting the drugs I wanted or at least getting my pills back then I was about what I could have done to my family, that I could have been arrested, possibly been raped or murdered by this guy, or die from an OD. I deserve to feel bad I know. I don't know what to do now. I told my husband. I called a help-line. I'm really afraid I'm going to go back to drugs now. I know I will lose everything that I have if I do. I am bipolar type 1 (the worse type) and I know this was an impulsive act brought on by it. It's not an excuse but my medication is not helping. I almost feel like I need to be in the psych ward. Please don't judge me, because you're only going to make me feel worse and it's like telling an overweight person they are fat. I'm just gonna get more depressed and more likely to do it again.
32 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
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11 minutes ago
I'm actually physically sick to my stomach. This guy asked me to perform a sexual act in exchange for the pills and I said "absolutely not!". I never did that but just the thought that I could be that bad makes me sick.
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Answers:
I too have bipolar I and have done some very stupid and VERY risky things.
Feeling guilty and hating yourself for these acts are just another symptom of bipolar disorder.
I too had an addiction (mental) to drugs (marijuana). If I couldn't get my weed I would divulge myself in opiates and stuff like Tramadol, Vicodin, Valium and Purple Drank (Promethazine mixed in Sprite) and a bunch of other pills. I took real big risks to buy my weed and risked being arrested. I actually got arrested once when I was going soo crazy over not having weed for the day that I drove right into a drug neighborhood and smoked with my friends in my car down the block from a prescient. We all spent the night in jail and now got records...
I would always feel guilty, REALLY guilty doing these things, thinking about how it would affect my family, my future, etc.
Eventually the money ran out and I had to suffer for 2 whole months before I finally realized that drugs don't take you anywhere...
Maybe getting your meds adjusted would help, but let me tell you, I understand exactly how you are feeling right now.
The best way to not go back to drugs is to throw all your exchangeable pills away and give all your money to you husband for now. If you have nothing to exchange drugs with, then you will just have to sit and let time take its course. You know you will never perform sexual acts for drugs, so long as you have that mindset, you will be able to stay away from the drugs. You are clean, stay that way.Health Question & Answer
Feeling guilty and hating yourself for these acts are just another symptom of bipolar disorder.
I too had an addiction (mental) to drugs (marijuana). If I couldn't get my weed I would divulge myself in opiates and stuff like Tramadol, Vicodin, Valium and Purple Drank (Promethazine mixed in Sprite) and a bunch of other pills. I took real big risks to buy my weed and risked being arrested. I actually got arrested once when I was going soo crazy over not having weed for the day that I drove right into a drug neighborhood and smoked with my friends in my car down the block from a prescient. We all spent the night in jail and now got records...
I would always feel guilty, REALLY guilty doing these things, thinking about how it would affect my family, my future, etc.
Eventually the money ran out and I had to suffer for 2 whole months before I finally realized that drugs don't take you anywhere...
Maybe getting your meds adjusted would help, but let me tell you, I understand exactly how you are feeling right now.
The best way to not go back to drugs is to throw all your exchangeable pills away and give all your money to you husband for now. If you have nothing to exchange drugs with, then you will just have to sit and let time take its course. You know you will never perform sexual acts for drugs, so long as you have that mindset, you will be able to stay away from the drugs. You are clean, stay that way.Health Question & Answer
Didnt you say you were having financial problems just a few days ago.?
Now youve got enough money to do drugs.? See a doctor for better meds.Health Question & Answer
Now youve got enough money to do drugs.? See a doctor for better meds.Health Question & Answer
Telling your husband and calling a help-line was a great idea. also, this guy "running off" with your pills and not coming back, might've saved your life. You don't know what you're getting on the streets and it could have killed you. You need a strong support system and possibly need to talk to your doctor about trying another method to help with you bipolar issue. If your medicine for that isn't working, you shouldn't be taking it. I think you can handle this if you have already gone 8 years without drugs. That's amazing. You should feel proud. Every drug user goes through rought times where they wanna use again. I was addicted to pills for years so I understand. When you have these urges you should tell someone close to you so they can help persuade you to not do them. Hang in there and this too shall pass. Health Question & Answer
VERY SAD! do yourself a big favor and your husband also, seek immediate help and don't give up you can change your path and go towards a calmer more serene and healthy life style but first you have to believe you deserve it and you do ,try to take deep breaths and if you need pray or just cry and let it out all the pain and the hurt let it out let it flow just asking for help is a positive sign and right now at this moment can be the beginning of a new and better happier you good luck Health Question & Answer
Congratulations for being clean for 8 years. I'm not going to judge you. and I have never taken anything before, so this is an opinion of someone who has never been in that scene.
I think you should see your Doctor, if your meds aren't working, then you need to change them. Your first step was to tell your husband. And it seems that you have his support, ask him to go to the Doctors with you for that support.
Just remember that you are still clean, I know he ran off with the drugs, but you didn't take any.
I believe that most addicts fall off the wagon at some point, but I think that you are still hanging on. Be proud of that!Health Question & Answer
I think you should see your Doctor, if your meds aren't working, then you need to change them. Your first step was to tell your husband. And it seems that you have his support, ask him to go to the Doctors with you for that support.
Just remember that you are still clean, I know he ran off with the drugs, but you didn't take any.
I believe that most addicts fall off the wagon at some point, but I think that you are still hanging on. Be proud of that!Health Question & Answer