How to increase my confidence? I'll lose everything if i don't do it.. i only can if have confidence..plz hlp.?!
Question: How to increase my confidence.? I'll lose everything if i don't do it.. i only can if have confidence..plz hlp..?
i am 21. in college. my mental growth has stopped. infact i myself am responsible for it. i am so laidback in life that even the harshest and the most touching experiences couldn't make a difference. infact i didn't let it happen myself. the girl i love.. even SHE has to tell me to do stuff properly. it hurts her. me too. am i impossible.? all positivity that i generate goes down na because i am a BIG TIME loser.? i dunno.. its the biggest sin that you seem to be fine from outside and be good and all but am myself surrounded with dark realities.. that it's all waste.. in the dumps.. can anyone help a loser like me.? i know its not difficult to help me but noone does it.. just one success and i'm back(always happens like this).. i want someone to guide me through this transition phase in my life where i gotta make my career and support my family.. my younger sister.. HER..Health Question & Answer
Answers:
It just so happens that I know just what you are talking about because that was me for what I feel now was way, way too long. Actually, I didn't think I would survive it and I even got to the point of having suicidal thoughts. The thing is that most often such a severe feeling of having no confidence isn't that so much that it is in fact depression.
You sound like you have put quite a load on yourself. You are in college and only 21 and you are thinking your life has to be here and worried about now. Actually, you are right now merely preparing for your life. There shouldn't be the worry of the future in the way of the life you should be living. Try to put that, the career, support of family off to the side. Right now, just be right now. What are you doing right now.? This second.? What is your body doing.? Is it breathing.? Take a deep breath. Now another one. Just breath.
All you should be thinking about, doing is going to school, studying, doing the best you can with that but not to the degree that you obsess about it. Try to never obsess over anything. And you should be having a some what care free attitude which you can't have if you have career and support hanging over you.
Just be where you are, doing what you're doing while you're doing it. Be in this moment. Don't have 3 or 5 or 10 or 20 years on the forefront of your mind worring and fretting over how your career will go or whether or not you will support a family in the future.
I will tell you this. Everything is gonna be alright. All's okay. You'll have a great life day to day when you get there. Just be in the day because in actuality that's all there is. The past is a memory and the future has only fear and worry if we try to live in it today.
Believe me when I tell you that at some point in your future you will look back in memory and see yourself as you are today, remembering the youth of your face and body, how good your health was and what you did with it. You'll remember what you felt and thought about yourself and say to yourself, what a waste of time, I was so wrong in what I thought about myself and I was in such error in my perception.
So in telling you that, now I tell you this. Don't try to see what your future may be. Don't try to see any possible success or failure in your future. Try to see yourself simply in the future looking back on yourself right now. What will you think of how you are thinking of yourself today.? Now remember that the next second is your only future. That second that just passed, that was your future and now it's the past. You are not the same person you were a second ago because you moved into your future. You no longer have to choose to feel the same about yourself that you did in the past because every single thing there is, is in constant motion and so you just moved out of the old and into the future which is now the old. This is called growth and it cannot be stopped or even slowed down. You are simply growing into yourself and it can be scarry and worrysome.
You are no loser. No loser at all and you would be very surprised to find out just how many people are growing through themselves just like you are. Your mental growth has not stopped, it is simply in a mode of altering itself from being a teenagers brain into one of a mans reasonable thinking, quick learning brain. It's no wonder so many parents have been heard saying that with teenagers "it's like a space ship comes down and takes their teen's brain away and they fear it may never be returned." Your's is simply returning. Do you have any idea how many people don't get theirs returned until their mid 30's.? You're lucky that you are going through it now and now that you know what it is you can choose to be done with it and get on with living the life that you have this second.
As for your girlfriend. She does not have to tell you how to do stuff properly. You already know how. She is simply trying to have you do stuff her way. Some girls will do that. They are in training so to speak to wear the pants in their household. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not impossible. It is not a bad idea to just be you, who you are first and formost. People like this ARE your "dark reality".
Be you. Stand up for who you are. Don't ever let anyone dictate who they think you should be. Just be.
Now, stand up and stand up straight and tall. Hold your head up, shoulders back and carry yourself with pride and self assurance. Look everyone you come across straight in the eyes and smile big and say hi.
When alone, smile and hum.
Sing like you know the words, dance like no one's watching and love like it's never going to hurt.
Before you know it, all of this will be gone and something else will appear. That something else is here because this second is the future, now this one, now this one.........
SmileHealth Question & Answer
You sound like you have put quite a load on yourself. You are in college and only 21 and you are thinking your life has to be here and worried about now. Actually, you are right now merely preparing for your life. There shouldn't be the worry of the future in the way of the life you should be living. Try to put that, the career, support of family off to the side. Right now, just be right now. What are you doing right now.? This second.? What is your body doing.? Is it breathing.? Take a deep breath. Now another one. Just breath.
All you should be thinking about, doing is going to school, studying, doing the best you can with that but not to the degree that you obsess about it. Try to never obsess over anything. And you should be having a some what care free attitude which you can't have if you have career and support hanging over you.
Just be where you are, doing what you're doing while you're doing it. Be in this moment. Don't have 3 or 5 or 10 or 20 years on the forefront of your mind worring and fretting over how your career will go or whether or not you will support a family in the future.
I will tell you this. Everything is gonna be alright. All's okay. You'll have a great life day to day when you get there. Just be in the day because in actuality that's all there is. The past is a memory and the future has only fear and worry if we try to live in it today.
Believe me when I tell you that at some point in your future you will look back in memory and see yourself as you are today, remembering the youth of your face and body, how good your health was and what you did with it. You'll remember what you felt and thought about yourself and say to yourself, what a waste of time, I was so wrong in what I thought about myself and I was in such error in my perception.
So in telling you that, now I tell you this. Don't try to see what your future may be. Don't try to see any possible success or failure in your future. Try to see yourself simply in the future looking back on yourself right now. What will you think of how you are thinking of yourself today.? Now remember that the next second is your only future. That second that just passed, that was your future and now it's the past. You are not the same person you were a second ago because you moved into your future. You no longer have to choose to feel the same about yourself that you did in the past because every single thing there is, is in constant motion and so you just moved out of the old and into the future which is now the old. This is called growth and it cannot be stopped or even slowed down. You are simply growing into yourself and it can be scarry and worrysome.
You are no loser. No loser at all and you would be very surprised to find out just how many people are growing through themselves just like you are. Your mental growth has not stopped, it is simply in a mode of altering itself from being a teenagers brain into one of a mans reasonable thinking, quick learning brain. It's no wonder so many parents have been heard saying that with teenagers "it's like a space ship comes down and takes their teen's brain away and they fear it may never be returned." Your's is simply returning. Do you have any idea how many people don't get theirs returned until their mid 30's.? You're lucky that you are going through it now and now that you know what it is you can choose to be done with it and get on with living the life that you have this second.
As for your girlfriend. She does not have to tell you how to do stuff properly. You already know how. She is simply trying to have you do stuff her way. Some girls will do that. They are in training so to speak to wear the pants in their household. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not impossible. It is not a bad idea to just be you, who you are first and formost. People like this ARE your "dark reality".
Be you. Stand up for who you are. Don't ever let anyone dictate who they think you should be. Just be.
Now, stand up and stand up straight and tall. Hold your head up, shoulders back and carry yourself with pride and self assurance. Look everyone you come across straight in the eyes and smile big and say hi.
When alone, smile and hum.
Sing like you know the words, dance like no one's watching and love like it's never going to hurt.
Before you know it, all of this will be gone and something else will appear. That something else is here because this second is the future, now this one, now this one.........
SmileHealth Question & Answer
I find that its easier to feel good if you be yourself and do your best at everything. Yep the standard responce. I also find listening to God helps! Health Question & Answer
go to a speech coach and get them to help you
or to a drama school
thats what im doing.
hopefully it will hope
dont worry :)Health Question & Answer
or to a drama school
thats what im doing.
hopefully it will hope
dont worry :)Health Question & Answer
When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser.?" or even: "I can't do this/will never get over this!", or a disturbing image, recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from making progress. Having identified and labelled it, visualise, as vividly as possible a large red "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!"
You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic". In the case of an image, or feeling, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Cease comparing yourself unfavorably with others, using the STOP sign: "I am a unique individual, with potential, and my own set of skills". Keep your head up, and look people in the eye, or on the bridge of their nose. See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers.
On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you.Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer, and see section 28, on motivation. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~ Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, as it has a good section on building self esteem, using a different approach.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others.? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tend to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. Like yourself : The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this. Have aptitude tests, vocational guidance, and career counselling, to see what suits you.Health Question & Answer
You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic". In the case of an image, or feeling, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Cease comparing yourself unfavorably with others, using the STOP sign: "I am a unique individual, with potential, and my own set of skills". Keep your head up, and look people in the eye, or on the bridge of their nose. See self esteem/confidence, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers.
On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated: there are many options; one is sure to suit you.Practise one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. also, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at ezy-build also refer, and see section 28, on motivation. "Even though I sometimes have low self esteem/confidence, I deeply and completely accept myself". ~~~ Read: "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609 http://www.amazon.com/ may be worth trying for this, as it has a good section on building self esteem, using a different approach.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others.? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tend to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are confident, and outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.
Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. Like yourself : The first step in becoming more confident is to accept and like yourself. You should make a list of all your positive traits and strengths on a piece of paper or in your diary. By doing this, you are reminding yourself that you too have praise-worthy qualities like others. You will like yourself and feel confident about yourself after this. Have aptitude tests, vocational guidance, and career counselling, to see what suits you.Health Question & Answer
Hey Buddy , Just one thing - Everyone who is born in this world , will go thru this often in their lives. The Good thing is to come back on track and try to live with energy and enthusiasam. Even the answers you get here and words we use - will not do anything unless you make a change in your thoughts and approach things positively.
No one has ever found the reason why we are all born. Life , is just to have few dreams and chase it after passionately with courage and determination. Even if the entire universe against you and trying to stop your moves and ambitions and dreams - stand up erect and fight against everything - and prove that you are not mean and ordinary.
If you have a strong faith in heart - everything else will be fine.
Read Good books and Watch Good movies - if they can relax you.
Its a Wonderful life , Shawshank Redemption - these are very good movies and can give you lots of Hope.
Remember , "no one is a failure who has friends" - and everyman's life touches so many others. - from the movie - "Its a wonderful Life"
"Hope is a Good thing may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies" - Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.
You will Rock.
Health Question & Answer
No one has ever found the reason why we are all born. Life , is just to have few dreams and chase it after passionately with courage and determination. Even if the entire universe against you and trying to stop your moves and ambitions and dreams - stand up erect and fight against everything - and prove that you are not mean and ordinary.
If you have a strong faith in heart - everything else will be fine.
Read Good books and Watch Good movies - if they can relax you.
Its a Wonderful life , Shawshank Redemption - these are very good movies and can give you lots of Hope.
Remember , "no one is a failure who has friends" - and everyman's life touches so many others. - from the movie - "Its a wonderful Life"
"Hope is a Good thing may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies" - Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption.
You will Rock.
Health Question & Answer