Why do sexually abused people or people who have been raped don't want to talk about it. Why don't they tell ?!
Question: Why do sexually abused people or people who have been raped don't want to talk about it. Why don't they tell .?
everyone what happened and why don't they press charges against their attacker.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
The bottom line is that sex abuse crimes are crimes of control. However, imagine somebody taking you against your will in the most humiliating way possible.
Add to that societies belief that you had to have done something to ask for it. Imagine being held as partially responsible if your body responded in the manner that it was designed to respond. Then add the criminal justice system... from the cop taking the report, the investigators,lawyers, the ADA and judges all snickering, holding varying beliefs of culpability and accountability of the victim. College towns tend to charge those committing sex crimes, so that their official rate of violent sex crimes stays as low as possible, giving prospective parents and student a false idea of what the area is truly like.
The day the USA starts treating sex criminals as one of the most vial life forms and starts treating them like the "lower than whale poop" pieces of crap they are... then well many will continue not to report these individuals. Its sometimes easier not to talk about it and try to stuff the pain and humiliation away. Would you want to discuss you most humiliating moment, one that you had absolutely no control over.
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Add to that societies belief that you had to have done something to ask for it. Imagine being held as partially responsible if your body responded in the manner that it was designed to respond. Then add the criminal justice system... from the cop taking the report, the investigators,lawyers, the ADA and judges all snickering, holding varying beliefs of culpability and accountability of the victim. College towns tend to charge those committing sex crimes, so that their official rate of violent sex crimes stays as low as possible, giving prospective parents and student a false idea of what the area is truly like.
The day the USA starts treating sex criminals as one of the most vial life forms and starts treating them like the "lower than whale poop" pieces of crap they are... then well many will continue not to report these individuals. Its sometimes easier not to talk about it and try to stuff the pain and humiliation away. Would you want to discuss you most humiliating moment, one that you had absolutely no control over.
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Because in many cases even when one tells no one believes them. Because if they do tell they are made to tell the story over and over again to a bunch of people who tend to hold them -- at least to some degree -- responsible for what happened to them, even as a child if they responded to the abuse physically.
Our bodies are sexual instruments made to respond, so a child even responds when stimulated, and may feel something pleasurable as a pre-teen -- and that confuses them even more. Religion can even play a part. It did for me. I remember sitting in a 6th grade Catholic school religion class being told anyone who had sex before marriage was "damned to hell." I had been raped that summer by a 16 year old cousin and although at 10 I didn't understand it all (this was 1970) I knew what happened enough to know it was sex and I was now going to hell! Add to that, I had been primed by a father who abused me as a toddler and preschooler by telling me my mother would never love me if she found out what he did to me...of course, I would never tell!
I never mentioned the rape until I was 19, the abuse by my father was blocked out until graduate school and you only have a certain number of years from the first memory to press charges. Unless you have an airtight case memories from childhood are definitely difficult to use for prosecution -- you almost need an eye witness to win a case -- especially when I was remembering because that was a time when there was a lot of false memory syndrome talk around.
Adults, on the other hand, are abused by the court system which although it can't legally hold them culpable does everything but hold them as such...they are forced to tell and retell the story and any little inconsistency is jumped on. The rapist is presumed innocent, the victim presumed guilty. It isn't like prosecuting for breaking and entering -- you lose a lot more than a couple pieces of computer equipment -- you lose your life, your safety, your trust and your well-being. It's no wonder they don't prosecute....not to mention prosecution brings it all back -- all the flashbacks, all the memories, all the nightmares, it is all real again and you can't get on with your life.
Does that answer your question.?Health Question & Answer
Our bodies are sexual instruments made to respond, so a child even responds when stimulated, and may feel something pleasurable as a pre-teen -- and that confuses them even more. Religion can even play a part. It did for me. I remember sitting in a 6th grade Catholic school religion class being told anyone who had sex before marriage was "damned to hell." I had been raped that summer by a 16 year old cousin and although at 10 I didn't understand it all (this was 1970) I knew what happened enough to know it was sex and I was now going to hell! Add to that, I had been primed by a father who abused me as a toddler and preschooler by telling me my mother would never love me if she found out what he did to me...of course, I would never tell!
I never mentioned the rape until I was 19, the abuse by my father was blocked out until graduate school and you only have a certain number of years from the first memory to press charges. Unless you have an airtight case memories from childhood are definitely difficult to use for prosecution -- you almost need an eye witness to win a case -- especially when I was remembering because that was a time when there was a lot of false memory syndrome talk around.
Adults, on the other hand, are abused by the court system which although it can't legally hold them culpable does everything but hold them as such...they are forced to tell and retell the story and any little inconsistency is jumped on. The rapist is presumed innocent, the victim presumed guilty. It isn't like prosecuting for breaking and entering -- you lose a lot more than a couple pieces of computer equipment -- you lose your life, your safety, your trust and your well-being. It's no wonder they don't prosecute....not to mention prosecution brings it all back -- all the flashbacks, all the memories, all the nightmares, it is all real again and you can't get on with your life.
Does that answer your question.?Health Question & Answer
They are scared and wounded and confused. They are afraid that if they tell someone that person will only make it worse.
When it comes to minors they are even more of these things and always afraid that the person they confide in won't believe them and the attacker will retaliate and the whole issue will be far worse and they imagine that the problem will hopefully go away. It doesn't.
For an adult, it entirely depends on the situation but they may be a person who has trouble talking much about sex anyway and this is too embarassing. Maybe they don't want a lot of pity, and they are so wounded that they won't be able to handle any bad reactions at all. they feel they've had enough already. But then there are those who do tell but only the people they have to tell it to or those closest.
As far as pressing charges, if they know the person and can't get away from him completely, they probably fear some kind of retaliation. But if the don't know him, the police might not be able to find him. I was raped once and the police couldn't find the guy. He had it covered up too much. He had it very cleverly thought out ahead of time.Health Question & Answer
When it comes to minors they are even more of these things and always afraid that the person they confide in won't believe them and the attacker will retaliate and the whole issue will be far worse and they imagine that the problem will hopefully go away. It doesn't.
For an adult, it entirely depends on the situation but they may be a person who has trouble talking much about sex anyway and this is too embarassing. Maybe they don't want a lot of pity, and they are so wounded that they won't be able to handle any bad reactions at all. they feel they've had enough already. But then there are those who do tell but only the people they have to tell it to or those closest.
As far as pressing charges, if they know the person and can't get away from him completely, they probably fear some kind of retaliation. But if the don't know him, the police might not be able to find him. I was raped once and the police couldn't find the guy. He had it covered up too much. He had it very cleverly thought out ahead of time.Health Question & Answer
It's a very painful thing to go through....Think of your most physically, and emotionally painful moment, and your most humiliating and your scariest moment all in one...now go and tell a room full of strangers all the intimate details and defend yourself against accusations that "you wanted it."
It's hard to tell. And sometimes, when you do tell, no one believes you. You loose the will to fight it anymore - by the 2nd or 3rd person you tell all that horror to, and they tell you "you're lying" you can't do it again.
You start to feel like it's a scarlett letter - that everyone is judging you, and that you should be ashamed of it..... it's easier to just not speak of it. (which is terrible for you, you never process it...but that's what goes through your head.)Health Question & Answer
It's hard to tell. And sometimes, when you do tell, no one believes you. You loose the will to fight it anymore - by the 2nd or 3rd person you tell all that horror to, and they tell you "you're lying" you can't do it again.
You start to feel like it's a scarlett letter - that everyone is judging you, and that you should be ashamed of it..... it's easier to just not speak of it. (which is terrible for you, you never process it...but that's what goes through your head.)Health Question & Answer
Because sometimes it's a family member, and you are a child, and they threaten to hurt or kill your family, or kill your pet, or that they'll tell your mom that you are a dirty little girl and your mom will hate you and give you away..so you are too scared to talk.and then through all the shame and discust you try to bury it deep and far away so you don't have to picture or relive it everyday..So you sure don't wanna talk about it..Health Question & Answer
I've wondered this too..but the most common reason is that they are ashamed or feel that it was their fault. also, they are embarrassed and feel 'dirty' and do not want to put their families through all the things that come along with it.
Some people also feel that if they don't do anything about it or talk about it then they can try to pretend that it never happened and try to go living their life like they did before. That rarely ever works though.Health Question & Answer
Some people also feel that if they don't do anything about it or talk about it then they can try to pretend that it never happened and try to go living their life like they did before. That rarely ever works though.Health Question & Answer
Um embarassment why is this even a question. Theyre ashamed on the inside because men look at them as tainted even though we shouldnt because what they went through was horrific and they want to take it to the grave and just hope it never happens again. They def dont want it to be in public if they dont talk about it or press charges and its so sad because what do you do they feel so degrated and its just horrible and disgusting to me i honestly have shut off movies such as derailed when jennifer aniston is about to get raped and a jessica alba movie when shes drugged and going to get raped i feel so bad i dont know any1 whos been rape but i can just imagine how horrific it is for them and they wanna take it to the grave and put it in the back of their brain so why would u want to know that i dont understand at all i shouldnt have even gave time to answer but if you honestly dont know why then maybe u should be informed think of 3 big dudes pinning u down and having their way with your ***... dont think its something id wanna tell people but even worse women are so helpless i mean its just awfull i dunno how else to describe it but i know if three dudes because thats what it would take theyd have to be huuuuuge to because im big and strong and id fight to th death and if i didnt committ suicide and got checked for diseases and was clean i would be forever scarred my life would forever be ruined as i held in such a horriffic tragedy of violence because i couldnt tell any1 myself if that happened to me soooo much embarasment and every1 would know about it and stuff look at me different my life would suck peroid its and awful thing and the attacker is a ***** so i just hope god sends his *** str8 to hell after a painfull life death unless the gril maybe can trust in a hitman or something and have this guy beat to a wheelchair or death i dunno its sad to think about women go through that everyday and most of them are not turned in which means rape will happen again so its a terrible situationHealth Question & Answer
They feel shame, fear, denial and don't want to deal with it. The
really bad thing is often times kids that are sexually abused, grow up
and in an effort to control their past and feelings of past abuse, they
recreate the abuse, trying to relive and control it, they become
the abusers. A very sick cycle. Truely bad and sad!Health Question & Answer
really bad thing is often times kids that are sexually abused, grow up
and in an effort to control their past and feelings of past abuse, they
recreate the abuse, trying to relive and control it, they become
the abusers. A very sick cycle. Truely bad and sad!Health Question & Answer
Well I should know..(i was) duh! but it's because it brings back the flashbacks, and those scary moments...it makes us feel so alone, and vulnerable...hard to explain, we also feel "dirty" like they just used us. I cry a lot from it, but yea whenever I think about I feel very embarrassed, I mean wasn't there a way that I could prevent it.? But I was little and it went on for years. I didn't go to court because I was very young and my mom didn't want me to go through all the drama and trauma. And just putting the guy away in jail does not really make ya feel any better, I mean sure it's nice to know that he will be pout away for some time and not able to hurt anyone. But you can never get rid of the thoughts or what was done...there is not a day where I don't get those scary flashbacks..not one day. It's very hard. I hurt bad because he was a family friend.Health Question & Answer
As a preteen (12-14 y.o.), my uncle in-law molested me and made repeated sexual advances. I was extremely confused by my whole situation. Despite my fear and disgust of "him", I loved my aunt very much (like a big sister, she's 13 years old than I) and always went over to her house. I sure as heck didn't want to be around him, but I chose to be around my aunt (rather than constant fights between older brother and sister). I have a very hard time accepting the decision I made. It is my fault. Why in the heck would I want to bring him up, or bring up this horrible experience.?
I held it in until I was 16 y.o. and really struggled with the decision. The only reason I did tell is because my aunt had a baby girl. In my young mind, a boy would've been safe from my uncle. My parents believed and accepted me, as did my brother and one uncle. My grandparents, my aunt, and 2 uncles avoided us for 2 years- no talking. It broke the family that I loved apart, which was incredibly painful & you can bet that I resent that. In the beginning, my parents took me to the police station - but that's all I can remember of the visit to the cops.
The (foolish) method I chose was: repression. While I can recall bits and pieces, they're just that. I always wish that I could recall the entire events, to work on it and let it go. But, it isn't that easy!Health Question & Answer
I held it in until I was 16 y.o. and really struggled with the decision. The only reason I did tell is because my aunt had a baby girl. In my young mind, a boy would've been safe from my uncle. My parents believed and accepted me, as did my brother and one uncle. My grandparents, my aunt, and 2 uncles avoided us for 2 years- no talking. It broke the family that I loved apart, which was incredibly painful & you can bet that I resent that. In the beginning, my parents took me to the police station - but that's all I can remember of the visit to the cops.
The (foolish) method I chose was: repression. While I can recall bits and pieces, they're just that. I always wish that I could recall the entire events, to work on it and let it go. But, it isn't that easy!Health Question & Answer
Because sometimes we feel ashamed. We worry that others might think differently about us if they knew. I was date raped decades ago and am just now realizing it wasn't my fault. Why didn't I press charges.? Because in the 70's we didn't even have the term "date rape". He was a guy I liked and trusted. Bad choice! I was afraid of what all our mutual friends would think.Health Question & Answer
cause they are embarassed or scared and they dont want to face there attacker againHealth Question & Answer
How would you like to relive the very worst time of your life to someone who hasn't got a clue what it's like Health Question & Answer