Is 6 years too long to grieve?!
Question: Is 6 years too long to grieve.?
I was very much in love with this guy who I considered my best friend for 8 years. I could never really tell him this. We worked together, and saw each other day after day, and my affection for him grew in leaps and bounds. I was positive he was the one for me. After we stopped working together, we saw each other occasionally, but I always hoped that he would someday love me back, as I loved him. Then one day, it all came out in the open and he admitted to me he loved me, and always had, but by then it was too late, he involved with another woman and they were expecting a baby. I was so hurt, but pretended to understand, hiding my own pain.
I hadn't seen him in almost a year and a half when I got the call that he had been in a car accident on the interstate and wasn't expected to live. He was in a coma in the ICU. I desperately wanted to go to the hospital, but something held me back, I guess I didn't feel like I belonged there becuase I wasn't family, I didn't know his family well, and now he had a wife and child. I figured they wouldn't let me see him, anyway. It was an awkward situation, I didn't want to intrude, so I didn't go. A few hous later, I got the call that he had passed away. A piece of my heart died that day. I have never wept so much in my life. There was really no closure to our relationship / friendship.
This was 6 years ago. I haven't gotten over this in all this
time. I try to find someone else, but nobody is him. Is 6 years too long to grieve for someone so dear to my heart.? How do I let go.?
Health Question & Answer
I hadn't seen him in almost a year and a half when I got the call that he had been in a car accident on the interstate and wasn't expected to live. He was in a coma in the ICU. I desperately wanted to go to the hospital, but something held me back, I guess I didn't feel like I belonged there becuase I wasn't family, I didn't know his family well, and now he had a wife and child. I figured they wouldn't let me see him, anyway. It was an awkward situation, I didn't want to intrude, so I didn't go. A few hous later, I got the call that he had passed away. A piece of my heart died that day. I have never wept so much in my life. There was really no closure to our relationship / friendship.
This was 6 years ago. I haven't gotten over this in all this
time. I try to find someone else, but nobody is him. Is 6 years too long to grieve for someone so dear to my heart.? How do I let go.?
Health Question & Answer
Answers:
I don't think there is a certain amount of time that you are allowed to grieve. What you feel is understandable. It is already one of the worst pains to love someone and not be able to have them. Losing a loved one is even harder.
I don't think you can just completely lose all feelings you had for this guy just like that. I also think that maybe it is harder for you to get over him because you guys never really got a chance to be "together" so it's like double "what if.?". also from reading i understand that this guy loved you very much too...but was stuck in a situation where he couldnt be with you. With this in mind, I think it can help you now. This guy was your best friend and honestly loved you. He would hate to see you in so much pain all this time. He would want you to find someone and love someone. I know i know it's cliche and easier said than done.
However, this is life. It is a fact. He is not with you anymore and sadly, he will not be. Things are difficult but you have to push through. I understand exactly what you mean by the oher guys you date "not being him". But when you date, instead of seeing something they don't do similar to your guy, try to see little pieces of him in them. Or like me, kind of find a guy who you know your guy would have been best buddies with. Most of all find a guy you can have so much fun with and relate to, and be happy with. I know it will never be the same as your guy, but it will be something new that could possibly one day even become better.
I hope things work out for you. My heart goes out to you.Health Question & Answer
I don't think you can just completely lose all feelings you had for this guy just like that. I also think that maybe it is harder for you to get over him because you guys never really got a chance to be "together" so it's like double "what if.?". also from reading i understand that this guy loved you very much too...but was stuck in a situation where he couldnt be with you. With this in mind, I think it can help you now. This guy was your best friend and honestly loved you. He would hate to see you in so much pain all this time. He would want you to find someone and love someone. I know i know it's cliche and easier said than done.
However, this is life. It is a fact. He is not with you anymore and sadly, he will not be. Things are difficult but you have to push through. I understand exactly what you mean by the oher guys you date "not being him". But when you date, instead of seeing something they don't do similar to your guy, try to see little pieces of him in them. Or like me, kind of find a guy who you know your guy would have been best buddies with. Most of all find a guy you can have so much fun with and relate to, and be happy with. I know it will never be the same as your guy, but it will be something new that could possibly one day even become better.
I hope things work out for you. My heart goes out to you.Health Question & Answer
No one can tell you 6 years is too long or too little to grieve. We all grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. It must be difficult for you since you feel there was never any closure to your relationship/friendship. Eventually, it won't hurt so much and no one will ever compare to him but you do have to try and have an open heart and open mind because you don't want to miss the person who might help heal your heart. Health Question & Answer
First of all, grieving is a very individual and private thing.
So the amount of time a person grieves, can vary wildly.
True, six years is a long time.
But there are a number of complicating issues in your case....
I can tell you one thing... You are probably quite sane, but you have not "worked out this thing".
You need counselling. And the type you need, is individual counselling.
Look in the phone book. Often there are some very cheap or free resources available, and they can be very good.
I think if you get some help, that things will be ok for you. But the sooner you get the help, the better.
Do not be ashamed or afraid. Remember: the people that will help you are trained, and experienced.
They have probably seen MANY cases very similar to yours, so they will not judge you.
Good Luck.
Health Question & Answer
So the amount of time a person grieves, can vary wildly.
True, six years is a long time.
But there are a number of complicating issues in your case....
I can tell you one thing... You are probably quite sane, but you have not "worked out this thing".
You need counselling. And the type you need, is individual counselling.
Look in the phone book. Often there are some very cheap or free resources available, and they can be very good.
I think if you get some help, that things will be ok for you. But the sooner you get the help, the better.
Do not be ashamed or afraid. Remember: the people that will help you are trained, and experienced.
They have probably seen MANY cases very similar to yours, so they will not judge you.
Good Luck.
Health Question & Answer
Hi,
this just show that you really loved this guy. You have to let him go though. Otherwise healing cannot be complete. I have cried for my pet cats for 2 yrs when I left them because I have to leave my country. And they are not even people! I finally found and adopted 2 cats. Although there is still a precious part of my heart for my previous pets, it has been easier when I adopted my new babies. You have to accept the fact that you cannot have him anymore, and it is time to move on. Only in this way can you find someone else, someone who will be special to you in some other way. someone not like him, because each of us is specially different from another... good luck! Our hearts are big enough for more people (or pets) to love!Health Question & Answer
this just show that you really loved this guy. You have to let him go though. Otherwise healing cannot be complete. I have cried for my pet cats for 2 yrs when I left them because I have to leave my country. And they are not even people! I finally found and adopted 2 cats. Although there is still a precious part of my heart for my previous pets, it has been easier when I adopted my new babies. You have to accept the fact that you cannot have him anymore, and it is time to move on. Only in this way can you find someone else, someone who will be special to you in some other way. someone not like him, because each of us is specially different from another... good luck! Our hearts are big enough for more people (or pets) to love!Health Question & Answer
You decide for yourself, Heather. I don't feel like I ever get over anything. This isn't good for you but don't berate yourself for failure to meet someone else's schedule. I don't understand the world around us when people quickly get over loss of things they seemed to claim were important to them. Heather, I'm not particularly healthy or happy, but want you to know that you get to feel whatever you feel. Good luck. Move on when you can. Health Question & Answer
There's no time limit except your feelings. By virtue of the fact that you are asking this question indicates that you want to confront/deal with this. Did you go to the funeral .? There is a psychological side effect of going to the funeral home/viewing. It is difficult/impossible to deny death when viewing the departed's body. If you never did this - you may have to confront it in another way. I don't know the answer but am hopeful that you are asking the right questions. Health Question & Answer