I need help can someone please help me here?!


Question: I need help can someone please help me here.?
my mind is all disorganised and jumbled..

i have BPD and ptsd traits, struggle with aggression and rage, high anxiety aggraphobia , scared to leave my apartment , persecutory paranoia that everyones against me.

ive had an hard misfortunate life filled with trauma and abuse, ive missed out in life on ' social relationships ' forming any relationships - an education and qualifications - i have a criminal record going back 7 years ago and a long psychiatric record- been in a psyche hospital.

im 30 years old, 31 in january next year, i live alone in a small apartment on disability , i own nothing except a computer.

overall the mental health services have failed me throughout my existence , and only last year i got the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

my psychiatrist wont persrcibe meds because he said they can be addictive and dangerous and they only last a short time and you have to keep on taking them for benifit .

he aggreed i need psychanylitic therapy, i was refered to a group therapy centre for psychotherapy - they assessed me and said because ive been ' isolated ' for so long and still have problems with rage and aggression , that i wouldnt be ready right now to jump into a group therapy scenario , it would be too intense and challenging , and would possiblly stimulate my rage feelings.

so they reccommended a local drop in centre near by where i live thats less intense where they do activities & different projects , and theres people there like myself, they reccommended i attend this place to help me ' integrate back into society '.

they have provided me with an occupational therapist to help me practically to get out and face my aggraphobia and anxiety through ' desensitization ' - facing the fear gradually...


they have told me thers no 1 on 1 individual psychotherapy in my area because of lack of funding - which is what i wanted for my complex social behavioural issues .

even my psychiatrist aggreed i need the therapy but has no control over what resources are available in the area.

meanwhile i have an injured ankle which i sprained a year ago, torn tendons in my ankle that im doing physio exercise for and i will need an operation to see what damage has occured..


so theres just worry, anxiety, stress, insecurity , racing thoughts all around with me.

i feel anxious because i wanna attain my goals in life of a decent paid job in computers then to leave england and move to my country of heritage and origin ; france - a nice part of france , rural and find a partner , settle down etc..

im scared time will run out and im too disadvantaged to achieve that goal.

meanwhile what do i do .?

i feel stuck to know what to do , part of me feels like im being deprived of proper help, but im not sure..




so do i make a fuss for individual psychotherapy or just go along and accept what their offering .?Health Question & Answer


Answers:
Hi again! It sounds like you're having a rough day... sorry to hear that. I am glad to hear that you are still determined to get whatever help you can and not just getting discouraged and giving up. I know it can be really frustrating trying to get the help you need when you are depending on a system that doesn't seem to be doing what you need it to. But, if you're really serious about getting help, I would suggest you go ahead and take advantage of what's available to you now until something better becomes available to you. I think the drop-in center sounds like it's worth a try. I mean, you could go when you want and get as involved as you want... or not. If you decided you liked it and felt like it was doing some good, you could probably benefit from it a lot. I like the idea that they have activities that you can get involved in. I would sure try it out if it were me! I'm the kind of person who likes to ease into things. I don't like the idea of something being too intense all at once. The drop-in center sounds more laid back, but still like a good thing to get into. I disagree with the psych dr. saying he doesn't want you on meds, though. I think if you had the right meds it would help you a lot! Actually, I don't know why you aren't on them right now. I'm sure you're struggling much more with all of this than you should be simply because you aren't getting the help or medication you need. You are obviously very aware of where you stand and you know what would do you good... keep pursuing those things and don't let one dr. tell you you shouldn't have this or that because it's his opinion. Get other dr's. opinions! Maybe even another dr. can find better therapy for you than you've been able to obtain so far. Bottom line, though, do whatever you can and whatever is available for you so that you can get on your way to feeling and functioning better in your life. You have a lot of issues, but you are obviously an intelligent and determined person. I believe that as long as you stay focused on what it is that you want to accomplish in your life, you will do it, regardless of what it takes. In between the lines, I see a very strong-willed person, and I have faith in you! I will keep you in my prayers each day!Health Question & Answer

My only advice is pray for peace and clarity and understand that you only get one life..so why live it in misery.?
Be happy,get out and mingle,LIVE YOUR LIFE.Health Question & Answer

'Your eye casts a spell that bewitches
the last time I needed twenty stitches
to sew up the gash
that you made with your lash

as we dance to the Masochism Tango-o-o-o-o-o'Health Question & Answer

Good Morning,
This is the first time I ever answered a question or even made a post like this. For some reason I am drawn to answer.

We all have our moments where we feel like we're out of control. I was there 6 months ago.

After the second biggest mistake I have made. I've noticed it was a pattern with me. I saw a Dr and he wanted to talk about the past.
So if I felt like no one cared or no one was listening to me, I had to tell him within a 50 minute time slot...lol Wow talk about pressure..lol

This brought me to self help...Yes self help, I grabbed the bull by the horns and danced around this ring called life. I named it and claimed it. When I sat there and thought about all the "bad things" that happened me. I've noticed it was all bad choice. Yup, you heard me....bad choice.

Did I see it then.?
No!
Why you ask.?
Because everyone was against me. Everyone hated me because I was too fat. I have Psoriasis. Everyone was out to hurt me. ARE YOU KIDDING.?.? Did you not hear what I said.? EVERYONE!!! Even God hated me. But that 'everyone' was only one and it was me.

I hated myself because I was fat. I hated myself because I have Psoriasis and now at 30 I have psoriatic arthritis. WOOOHOOO!!! Oh I didn't go to college after high school because my step father and brother died in my senior year of high school. My family wasn't rich...this one that one...him...her...them..everyone, EVERYONE!! Not even God loved me.

But you see the point I was getting at earlier. I was everyone. It was all me. I made the choices. It's like with the pro-lifers, they don;t understand that God made man and man makes the choices. If I didn't love myself, how can I expect anyone, including God to love me.

It was I that makes all the choices in my life. It's so much easier to blame other people for the "things that happened to me" Oh my dreams, my dreams were never fulfilled because of me. I stopped me. If the one or two times I didn;t. I let everyone know how great I did but, it didn't last. Here came another bad choice.

We make our own choices. If we need medication or therapy regardless the diagnosis, we need to take action. No one is going to pick us up and take us, or pay for the doctors visit. It is our choice, it's your choice, you choose to fail, you choose to succeed. It's all on you.

If you've been arrested 7 times, you got caught doing 7 bad things. How many other crimes or wrongdoings have you commited that you didn't get caught doing.? You made the choice to do something wrong. Try feeding the homeless or read to children.

I read that you were a little annoyed because no one responded to you. So you expect people to respond to you being an angry individual with a criminal record.

How dare you!%2Health Question & Answer

hon listen.... I understand how you feel I really do, I had a childhood from hell myself and I am so very sorry this has happened to you, No one deserves such a thing. In childhood most people think back and remember things were all sweet and sugar-coated as a child. Then there are people like us that didn't have the sugar-coating on our childhood. And that there leaves you feeling cheated already. You know, I was angry at God for years, I couldn't understand why if he performed all these miracles in the bible then why would he allow the 2 people that were suppose to love me more then anything else in the world, Do the terrible, horrible things they did to me and my Sister.? And I was angry because I felt cheated as though I was put on this earth simply to be abused and hurt. Something for other people to kick around. Then 1 day I started thinking... this wasn't God's fault at all, What happened to me and my Sis wasn't our faults either as we were just children, It was a horrible choice my Parents made. It was their job to raise us right and keep us safe and they did neither of these two things. Well as a child when you are forced to grow-up not having a clue who to trust or even if there was anyone on earth you can trust, well.. it sets a mode of a very hard life ahead as an adult. I still to this very day have a horrible time trusting anyone. This is 1 reason they want you to attend group therapy. To help you estab;ish trust in time threw group and i bet you just might come from there with a new friend, someone that can understand and be a healthy support for you and you for them. One of the most important things to remember is Yes there will always be people who are selfish and non-careing, but there are other people who do care and are sincere. Take what you can use by what the careing people say and put it to work in your own life. You know that it may feel like we were cheated out of life.?.? But, this life is not eternal and life after death is. And we are the humble people in this world and will live forever in happiness when it is our time to go, when GOD decides it is that time. That not yours or my decision. Hope this helps you to maybe understand some anyways. as unfair as it seems we are gaining something far more priceless then money could ever buy,And that is the glory of a humble heart ,and the ability to honestly care about others in time of need. Gentle Hugs to my friend.Health Question & Answer

maybe your conditon is caused by what and i you quote "hard misfortunate life filled with trauma and abuse" and maybe thats why you feel like everyone is after you and you dont want to leave your apartment.
and with your hurt ankle it adds more stress on your life.
im not a doctor but maybe some anti-depressents would help you live your life.
if i was you id get secound a opinion.Health Question & Answer

Well, it really stinks that your ankle is injured because exercise is wonderful for you physically & mentally. Hopefully soon it will heal and you'll be able to take some walks every day.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.
Just take each day one day at a time and only deal with the things you need to take care of today.
Here are some good ideas:
1. Do something that gets your heart rate up a bit like, walking, running, biking, and swimming.
2. Eat Whole, Organic foods like: Broccoli, Cabbage, Organic Brown Rice, Beans, Spinach, Sweet Potato, Apples, and other fruits and vegetables in their Natural State.
3. Avoid eating corn, white bread, white rice, white potatoes, candy, sodas, chips, and anything else that you already know you shouldn

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