Why am i not over being sexually assulted by sis's ex boyfriend?!


Question: Why am i not over being sexually assulted by sis's ex boyfriend.?
3 months ago i was sexually assulted(not just touching; but taking off clothes, saying remarks, forcing my hand down his pants) by my sisters boyfriend that she dated for 4 years. i considered him like an older brother. ive been going to therapy and actually talked to him face-to-face(with the therapist) and it was because he had an induced alcohol blackout. I know that he honestly didnt intentionally do it and i forgave him and moved on and never thought about it. Today his friend came into my work and when i saw him i started to burst out crying and began to hate him(sis's bf). I and even my therapist thought i was doing really well for the past month and a half, but seeing something that reminded of the situation made me just burst in crying. Does it mean in my heart that i truely didnt forgive him or am i just still really hurt about it.? Any advice or reason why this happened.? thanksHealth Question & Answer


Answers:
my sister's boyfriend raped me for 4 years, i was 11yrs old, I'm now 25 and been in therapy since then seeing my doctor once or twice a week, the trauma from what he did me effects every day life and i struggle with this question too, Why can't i simply move on.?.?.?.?.?

I can say that you get stronger every day you live. there are hard days where you'll want to give up but PLEASE don't give in.

you'll have moment like today all the time, they are called 'triggers' and you need to recognize them as triggers, and SKILLS to get through, eg music ; drawing ;etc
talk to your doctor about this, it WELL HELP,

I have been in your shoes i really have, i might be able to help,
if you need any one.
<3 Kat

don't let any one judge you for what you have been through.Health Question & Answer

Your having problems forgetting the hurt. You may have forgiven him, but you may still have trouble getting over the hurt- this does not mean necessarily you are failing therapy or anything. It also doesn't have to mean you have completely gotten over the situation which is totally normal- you can't get over something like that so soon. But still, tell your therapist. Health Question & Answer

You could report this to the police if you really want to, but if you feel that you forgave him you should tell your sis or therapist or someone that you feel you should talk to. If it is really bothering you, try to avoid contact with that person or anything that reminds you of him. If the therapist isn't really helping try hiring a new one.I hope this helps and i hope that you get over this because i would feel so violated if someone did that to me.Health Question & Answer

It's okay to feel that way. He hurt you, and he can't take that back. I think that you are very brave just to tell someone about what happened. I don't think that there's anything wrong with feeling that way. He knows he hurt you, and when you saw his friend, It probably brought back images about what happened. Your a strong person, and there's nothing wrong with being scared, or any emotions that the incident caused. God Bless You, and be strong!Health Question & Answer

both, because your going through emotional, and verbal abuse, and for you to get over it you might have to try and get a comfort group (a group of people you tell your emotions to) honestly i didn't think that you r all the way over it. and i didn't think that your therapist because whatever he or she is telling you it really is not sinking in. you need people who understand you, and who your close to to support you.Health Question & Answer

being sexually asaulted isn't just something you just get over

my best friend was assaulted by her MOMS boyfriend of six years

she says that she still shivers when she thinks about it. but she doesn't let it ruin her life and little by little she thinks about it less and less. its a big deal, and you will probably never forget it. but it will slowly be less traumatizing


i'm so sorry. i feel for youuu <3Health Question & Answer

It's normal to still not be over being sexually assaulted. It could be both that you truly didn't forgive him and that you are still hurt about it. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to adjust back to normal. It's okay, if ya need anyone to talk to, I'm here =] Try not to think about it, k.?Health Question & Answer

Well i mean alot of people have been raped and everything but u probably began to cry because like u said u didnt completely forget. Its gonna take u alot of time to forgive him in your heart and move on. BE a strong Women dont let these past memories hold you back in the past. Health Question & Answer

Im not sure if it is cuz im not a doctor, but it might be post tramatic stress disorder. i was sexually abused as a kid by my cousin and when i ever see him i start to have a panic attack sometiems, and other times i cant talk i studder shake twitch, all ths crap. talk to a doctor maybeHealth Question & Answer

Does not mean you didn't forgive him. You went through a traumatic experience. Like any other bad experience, it will take time to heal. You will eventually come to terms with the memory and look at it like a bad dream that no longer causes emotional break down.Health Question & Answer

You can forgive someone and still feel bad about what they did to you. You have every reason to hate him. Your being very nice about it all to him i think, at least your making the effort.Health Question & Answer

All problems are resolvable in your mind, I believe one of the most effective ways would be a confrontation, to help you forgive and forget. Some articles on my website may help you. Good luck!Health Question & Answer

Alcohol doesn't make you lose ALL control. Most of it but not ALL. Those thoughts must have been in his head in the first place. You shouldn't forgive him.

Just avoid his as much as possible.Health Question & Answer

you'll probably never forget because that's a tough thing to forget,,, maybe just forgive and pray for strength and move on with your life, i'm sorry i'm only 13 i don't know muchHealth Question & Answer

you probably are just worrying to much. if nobody tried anything where would we be in life.? he won't hurt her in any way. if he does you can sew the next guy that answered this question.Health Question & Answer

If you have no fealings for him, tell him if he ever does that again or even talks fishy you'll take him on a date in courtHealth Question & Answer

its not really going to go away but you have to seek treatment so this can metally not ruin you for life. im sorry this happened. hope this can end for youHealth Question & Answer

i think you secretly hate him. even if he didn't have complete control over his actions he still did it which is why you feel the way you do.Health Question & Answer

Sexual assault is a huge traumatic stress factor,i dont think anyone can truly forget itHealth Question & Answer

Flashbacks happen. Sometimes, it is just the emotions. Time heals all wounds. Health Question & Answer

That is horrible. Go to the police and have him prosecuted to the full extent so he doesn't do it and hurt anyone else!Health Question & Answer

I honestly don't know but this may affect your mental health. It may have effect on your self-esteem,may start depression,and you may feel guilt. Just my guess.Health Question & Answer

Sometimes its hard with PTSD.

(((HUGS))) Health Question & Answer

Its your mind-set.
Sorry to say you probably will never get over it. Health Question & Answer

You need to be asking your therapist about this hun, not Yahoo Answers.Health Question & Answer

u were violated and may never get over it.Health Question & Answer

ur probably not over the fact that that has happend to you.
Health Question & Answer

If he really was in an alcohol-induced blackout, it's still not forgivable. He's still responsible for his actions.

But to answer your question directly...you know what he did to you, you probably looked him in the eye, and I'm sure confusion and a lack of power entered your head.

And the worst part is that it's from someone you trusted. And he not only hurt you, but hurt your sister.

And I'm sure there are subtle thoughts running through your head, like you yourself betrayed your sister's trust.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. And that's a mantra you need to repeat in your head, because you need to believe it, because it's the TRUTH.

Things will remind you of the feelings you had that day. A certain smell, someone's voice, a particular song, some phrase. You need to talk with your therapist for ways to confront and deal with these particular feelings.

You must forgive your sister's b/f, but you don't have to forgive his despicable act. He assumed power over you in a terrible way.

Maybe your anxiety is also stemming from a repeat occurrance, whether it be from him, or another man. Many women find self-defense classes to be helpful.

Not only will these classes help prepare you in a similar event, but the act of going to these classes will also improve your physical health, and the exercises are a great way to reduce stress (I have a punching bag and a drumset, and I pound away all my stress daily).

I hope you find what you're looking for. I can only imagine how confusing these things are for you.Health Question & Answer

First of all, let me say that it's terrible that you had to go through that horrible ordeal. Sexual assault is one of the worst experiences that anyone should have to go through.

Sexual assault is not a crime of sex at all, it is one of violence! It is the deepest, most personal insult that anyone could inflict on another human being; the scars it inflicts are not just physical, but mental and spiritual. The effects will last for a long time, and cannot simply be pushed aside, or lightly forgiven.

I give you credit for talking to him face-to-face with your therapist. That takes great courage, and it speaks well of you. But simply being drunk or in an alleged blackout is no excuse, and it cannot change the fact that he did something terrible. Because he was going with your sister, you accepted him as part of your life, and unconsciously extended him the trust that you gave to your sister. He abused that trust, and that's one reason why your unconscious (to use a psychological term) feels doubly betrayed.

Does it mean in your heart that you didn't forgive him.? Only you can answer that question. But if you're bursting into tears at the sight of him, then you've still got a long way to go.

Hang in there!

Health Question & Answer

It may well have triggered a PTSD related "flashback". See Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in sections 33 - 34, and closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites, and use the locators in sections 33 - 34, and section 1, and phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy).

If unable to afford it, or to locate one nearby, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. (The following is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective.

It is easy to be dismissive of it, because it may seem a little strange, but is well worth trying, for at least a few weeks, to see how it effective it is in your case). First, sit comfortably, and take a deep breath. Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: "a thousand and one": this takes approximately a second). Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times. Then close your eyes and relax. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner. Then, repeat the procedure one last time.

Some people may find that this is all they need do: others find that they need 2 sessions in quick succession, but professional treatment is the best option, if you can access it. With practice, you may find that you can employ this technique with your eyes closed, thereby enabling a much wider window of opportunity to use in public, without attracting unwanted attention. If you can't access EMDR, you can request someone you trust to instruct you to focus on the event(s) which caused the PTSD, while you are performing the eye movements, and just before you are due to finish, (they count your eye movements, as your eyes follow their finger, as they move it from left to right; back and forth) and ask you what you are thinking at that time.

Professional EMDR is always much preferable, and Opester, (who gives it a glowing recommendation) a therapist with more than 20 years experience, and a former contributor, here, stated that it was one of only 2 disorders which can be completely cured. Go to: http://vaonlinesupport.org/support.html & http://www.rainn.org/ & http://www.aftersilence.org &
http://www.pandys.org View http://www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm (US freecalls).Health Question & Answer

By you forgiving him that;s what makes you a good person. He was drunk and had no idea of the serious consequences of his actions. Perhaps, when he was drunk, that was the "true face of him" .

yes, and still you forgave him 'cause you're good and maybe didnt want to screw up ur sis's relationship.

I think you are still hurt by that awful experience, but not hurt by him 'cause maybe it was not his intentions to do that.
you are afraid of experiencing that again that's why you started crying.

let me give an example from psychology field:

when researchers took a baby infant, i believe he was called little Albert, they made little albert be afraid of animal toys by giving him bad experiences related to animal toys. for example, every time little albert saw a rabbit toy, researcher would, i believe, somehow make little albert cry. during his childhood albert would be scare of animal toys. Now little albert is an adult and probably he's not afraid of animal toys.

so that's why i thought of this as an analogy to your awful experience.
so dont worry; with time you' will forget it; i assure you of that !

i hope i did not make anything worse.

Good luckHealth Question & Answer



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