Was this molestation?!
Question: Was this molestation.?
I'm pretty sure I was about 6, and he was 13 (six years older than me). At that time I had already begun masterbating but when my mother found out, she told me to stop because it was a thing adult's only do and she would explain it me when I was older. In any case, I never stopped and I think it was a little later that my brother approached me. He somehow knew I never stopped and from there, it's kind of hazy.
However I remember all of the other times when he touched me and molested me. He tried to have intercourse with me, but I never let him. He would tell me things like how he knew other kids who did the same thing, one guy with his 12 year old sister so I thought it was normal. I don't ever remember him telling me to "never tell anybody else", though.
He would show me pornography, etc. This went on for six years, until I was 12 but by then I began feeling horrible about myself. I felt guilty and shameful, and I knew it was wrong but I was scared to stop it. By this time he was 17 or 18 and I finally got the guts to talk to him ... via MSN. When I explained to him I wanted to stop, he responded with, "yeah that's cool. i have a girlfriend and everything now anyways, and i'm going to university."
I don't know why, but it never hurt me when he said that then. I was mostly relieved that it was going to stop. I thought all the pain and emotions I was going through would vanish -- but they didn't.
I told two of my friends what happened, and felt the worst guilt of my life. It faded, but came back this summer and haunted me. I had insomnia and couldn't even fall asleep because of how much guilt I carried on me.
Finally I sent him emails while he was gone on vacation, explaining how I felt abuot the molestation. I told him I felt angry and jealous of other people who had never gone through these things, I felt guilty and shameful, I felt selfish for wanting to have therapy etc. and tell other people because I knew it would ruin his life.
He told me he was very, very sorry, that he never meant to hurt me, that he thought I enjoyed it. He did it because he was going through puberty and was horny, and although he knew it was wrong he kept doing it. He said it never had any "aftereffects" on him like it did me, and when he looks back on what we did now, he still gets turned on by it. At one point in the email he hinted that he had suffered some sexual abuse of his own, but it never had any ill effects on his psyche.
He told me if i wanted therapy and if it got worse then we should do it. But I don't know if he was serious, or just saying that to make me feel better. Today I sent him another email although he lives in the same household as I, telling me that I'm am very sorry but I need therapy, or medication because I am sure I have C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).
I just feel like he never molested me sometimes, like I'm being selfish and delusional. Like I'm looking at what happened the wrong way. I never said "no" to it until a couple of years ago, but it also happened when I was so young ... I feel like me getting therapy or help or telling somebody about it will ruin his life and hurt our family because I don't think he really ever meant to hurt me ... like he said he was just going through puberty etc. and thought i liked it. But then again it happened until he was 17 or 18 so he should have KNOWN it was wrong and could have bad effects on my emotional well-being.
But in any case I feel messed up ... I know I need help, serious help and I know I can't deny myself of it.
Did he molest me.? Am I right in wanting therapy.?Health Question & Answer
However I remember all of the other times when he touched me and molested me. He tried to have intercourse with me, but I never let him. He would tell me things like how he knew other kids who did the same thing, one guy with his 12 year old sister so I thought it was normal. I don't ever remember him telling me to "never tell anybody else", though.
He would show me pornography, etc. This went on for six years, until I was 12 but by then I began feeling horrible about myself. I felt guilty and shameful, and I knew it was wrong but I was scared to stop it. By this time he was 17 or 18 and I finally got the guts to talk to him ... via MSN. When I explained to him I wanted to stop, he responded with, "yeah that's cool. i have a girlfriend and everything now anyways, and i'm going to university."
I don't know why, but it never hurt me when he said that then. I was mostly relieved that it was going to stop. I thought all the pain and emotions I was going through would vanish -- but they didn't.
I told two of my friends what happened, and felt the worst guilt of my life. It faded, but came back this summer and haunted me. I had insomnia and couldn't even fall asleep because of how much guilt I carried on me.
Finally I sent him emails while he was gone on vacation, explaining how I felt abuot the molestation. I told him I felt angry and jealous of other people who had never gone through these things, I felt guilty and shameful, I felt selfish for wanting to have therapy etc. and tell other people because I knew it would ruin his life.
He told me he was very, very sorry, that he never meant to hurt me, that he thought I enjoyed it. He did it because he was going through puberty and was horny, and although he knew it was wrong he kept doing it. He said it never had any "aftereffects" on him like it did me, and when he looks back on what we did now, he still gets turned on by it. At one point in the email he hinted that he had suffered some sexual abuse of his own, but it never had any ill effects on his psyche.
He told me if i wanted therapy and if it got worse then we should do it. But I don't know if he was serious, or just saying that to make me feel better. Today I sent him another email although he lives in the same household as I, telling me that I'm am very sorry but I need therapy, or medication because I am sure I have C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).
I just feel like he never molested me sometimes, like I'm being selfish and delusional. Like I'm looking at what happened the wrong way. I never said "no" to it until a couple of years ago, but it also happened when I was so young ... I feel like me getting therapy or help or telling somebody about it will ruin his life and hurt our family because I don't think he really ever meant to hurt me ... like he said he was just going through puberty etc. and thought i liked it. But then again it happened until he was 17 or 18 so he should have KNOWN it was wrong and could have bad effects on my emotional well-being.
But in any case I feel messed up ... I know I need help, serious help and I know I can't deny myself of it.
Did he molest me.? Am I right in wanting therapy.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
yes. This is molestation.'
I feel love for my brother as a brother as well.
Its hard to sort out the feelings about the issue when the violator is a sibling, was also young when it started, and otherwise has had a seemingly normal relationship with us.
A behavior that was instigated when you were only 6 years old and continued regularly throughout several years leaves you feeling as though at some point you should have known and put a stop to your brothers bad behaviors and by not doing so over the years you are somehow culpable, that his was a 5o5o deal.
However that is not the case at all. You were unfortunately raised on the stuff. You were convinced it was normal and by the age you may have been intellectually capeable of differentiating that it was abnormal it had already been interwoven in your young mind as affection and bonding with your brother rather than abuse and molestation. the normalcy of the rest of your relationship with him further confused what reality and normalcy was.
Some could argue that he was just a boy when it started himself. And that he may have been abused himself. However not everyone who has abused abuses themselves. And at 13 you may be able to convince yourself he isnt culpable but at 14, 15, 16..... he was practically a man and if you at 12 knew something was wrong you cant tell yourself he 6 years your senior never realized exactly what he was doing to you. Molesting you.
His rather blaze' response to the whole thing, the fact that he holds no remorse or "issues" from his behavior and especially the disturbing comment that he still gets turned on when he thinks about it and that he was horney thats why he did it, DOES NOT mean that there was nothing wrong with it... quite to the contrary it shows that he feels justified in preying on you for 6 years for sexual purposes and that he is a child predator that could re offend if he still gets excited thinking of you. and yes just because your his sibling you are-were a child. So he has a girlfriend now. What about when he doesnt. And what about in the future when he makes sexualized comments towards you like that he gets horny thinking about it.
You can love your brother and hate what he did to you. And hold him accountable and responsible for his actions then and in the future.
It took me a long time to figure that out. that I can love my brother and hate my molester and they are the same individual. and I am not at fault.
please get therapy.
under no circumstances unless somehow, odly, suggested by your therapist attend sessions with your brother. This didnt happen to the two of you. He did something TO you. If he werent your brother how would this situation feel differently to you, how much would you blaim him, how much would you cover it for him.....
You deserve to not carry this with you the rest of your life. Even if you dont tell your family -depending on your age -please please tell a therapist. Your brother knew right from wrong at some point, you know that, and he is still hurting you by letting you know that even though he isnt touching you hes still remembering touching you for his own sexual purposes. He knows.
And you deserve help, not having to question yourself your whole life
Health Question & Answer
I feel love for my brother as a brother as well.
Its hard to sort out the feelings about the issue when the violator is a sibling, was also young when it started, and otherwise has had a seemingly normal relationship with us.
A behavior that was instigated when you were only 6 years old and continued regularly throughout several years leaves you feeling as though at some point you should have known and put a stop to your brothers bad behaviors and by not doing so over the years you are somehow culpable, that his was a 5o5o deal.
However that is not the case at all. You were unfortunately raised on the stuff. You were convinced it was normal and by the age you may have been intellectually capeable of differentiating that it was abnormal it had already been interwoven in your young mind as affection and bonding with your brother rather than abuse and molestation. the normalcy of the rest of your relationship with him further confused what reality and normalcy was.
Some could argue that he was just a boy when it started himself. And that he may have been abused himself. However not everyone who has abused abuses themselves. And at 13 you may be able to convince yourself he isnt culpable but at 14, 15, 16..... he was practically a man and if you at 12 knew something was wrong you cant tell yourself he 6 years your senior never realized exactly what he was doing to you. Molesting you.
His rather blaze' response to the whole thing, the fact that he holds no remorse or "issues" from his behavior and especially the disturbing comment that he still gets turned on when he thinks about it and that he was horney thats why he did it, DOES NOT mean that there was nothing wrong with it... quite to the contrary it shows that he feels justified in preying on you for 6 years for sexual purposes and that he is a child predator that could re offend if he still gets excited thinking of you. and yes just because your his sibling you are-were a child. So he has a girlfriend now. What about when he doesnt. And what about in the future when he makes sexualized comments towards you like that he gets horny thinking about it.
You can love your brother and hate what he did to you. And hold him accountable and responsible for his actions then and in the future.
It took me a long time to figure that out. that I can love my brother and hate my molester and they are the same individual. and I am not at fault.
please get therapy.
under no circumstances unless somehow, odly, suggested by your therapist attend sessions with your brother. This didnt happen to the two of you. He did something TO you. If he werent your brother how would this situation feel differently to you, how much would you blaim him, how much would you cover it for him.....
You deserve to not carry this with you the rest of your life. Even if you dont tell your family -depending on your age -please please tell a therapist. Your brother knew right from wrong at some point, you know that, and he is still hurting you by letting you know that even though he isnt touching you hes still remembering touching you for his own sexual purposes. He knows.
And you deserve help, not having to question yourself your whole life
Health Question & Answer
You're right in wanting therapy, it would totally be good for you. Your situation is worst than most of the other molestation situations because you're confused about it - it's your brother, you love him, and you didn't refuse. Please remember you were really young when it started: it was hard to make a difference between what was wrong or right so it's not your fault.
Hope you get better... good luck !Health Question & Answer
Hope you get better... good luck !Health Question & Answer
Yes that is considered molestation it is also incestuous. It doesn't matter if you didn't tell him no you were to young to know what was happening and you were taken advantage of. I would report it and seek help or you will be dealing with the emotional aftermath of this for the rest of your life.Health Question & Answer
I think you should see a therapist - help you work through all your emotions and feelings. I was molested by older twin neighborhood boys when I was 7 - 10. For a long time, I d them, couldn't get it out of my mind, always remembered things that happened, things they said, had bad dreams about it, felt guilty - so guilty. After just being able to tell someone not connected emotionally to me or my family about the molestation, I felt so much better. Try it - most of the time you can get in to see a therapist based on income so you may pay as little as $10 per session! Good luck and God BlessHealth Question & Answer
Yes, he molested you and you definetly should see a therapist. It was not your fault, you did not feel right about what was happening with your brother but you kept doing it because he told you it was normal. Although he was a kid himself when it started, him being the older sibling should have stopped it. He on the other hand does not feel guilty for what he did ( and he should ). When you have an older brother or sister, you normally look up to them and trust them, so you assumed what was happening was Okay because you can't imagine your brother hurting you. Go Talk to a therapist so she can help you with your feelings and your brother doesn't have to know that your going. Do you feel guilty because maybe you enjoyed it in some way.?
That would be normal too. You were doing something that is supposed to feel good except it shouldn't be with your brother. Please talk to someone so that you could have a healthy relationship in the future.
Health Question & Answer
That would be normal too. You were doing something that is supposed to feel good except it shouldn't be with your brother. Please talk to someone so that you could have a healthy relationship in the future.
Health Question & Answer
I know exactly how you feel, sometimes I feel like I was never sexually abused and I made it all up cos I'm a selfish person. But if you remember it, it happened and you have every right to think you need help for it. Your GP can refer you to a specialist, so do that, please, it may help you.Health Question & Answer