Jealousy is ruining our relationship?!
Question: Jealousy is ruining our relationship.?
This guy I dated for a little over a year.
It was his choice for us to break up. He has major depression, and really struggles with life. He says he wants me to be happy, and his can't give me that happiness right now, and that one day I'll meet someone else and have the best life etc. He also said he loved me as his friend. It hurts me to hear him talk like that, because I do love him but I'm getting used to the idea that we may not be together. I can't change his heart and I can't fix him, this I realise. He still wanted to remain friends because we do have a lot of fun together.
I had this male friend come home from overseas for just a couple of weeks. My ex insisted I should catch up with him so I have - twice in 8 days. My ex is really upset. He said I "ripped his heart out". And the decisions I've made have totally changed our relationship.
He went on about it all for at least 4 hours. One minute he was fine, the next he was ranting about it again. I said he was way out of line, he broke up with me and I don't have to answer to him anymore. He said "As long as that sounds good to you and makes you feel better about what you've done, that's all that matters".
What the hell.? What is this wanting me to be happy and catch up with my friend, and now I'm the worst person in the world.? No matter which way I turn it I can't see that I'm the one in the wrong here.
(By the way my ex is on Efexor and his doctor has told him to go and see a counsellor for his depression - he's yet to do this. I think if he wants to get better he has to, but I can't force him to do it).
What is he playing at.?.?Health Question & Answer
It was his choice for us to break up. He has major depression, and really struggles with life. He says he wants me to be happy, and his can't give me that happiness right now, and that one day I'll meet someone else and have the best life etc. He also said he loved me as his friend. It hurts me to hear him talk like that, because I do love him but I'm getting used to the idea that we may not be together. I can't change his heart and I can't fix him, this I realise. He still wanted to remain friends because we do have a lot of fun together.
I had this male friend come home from overseas for just a couple of weeks. My ex insisted I should catch up with him so I have - twice in 8 days. My ex is really upset. He said I "ripped his heart out". And the decisions I've made have totally changed our relationship.
He went on about it all for at least 4 hours. One minute he was fine, the next he was ranting about it again. I said he was way out of line, he broke up with me and I don't have to answer to him anymore. He said "As long as that sounds good to you and makes you feel better about what you've done, that's all that matters".
What the hell.? What is this wanting me to be happy and catch up with my friend, and now I'm the worst person in the world.? No matter which way I turn it I can't see that I'm the one in the wrong here.
(By the way my ex is on Efexor and his doctor has told him to go and see a counsellor for his depression - he's yet to do this. I think if he wants to get better he has to, but I can't force him to do it).
What is he playing at.?.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
It could really just be his mental disability. I myself am Bi-polar and my boyfriend must really love me a lot to put up with all the bullsh*t I put him through. Sometimes I'll be fine and I tell him he could talk to his ex and then the next minute i'm like, "fine whatever. You wanna talk to her.? Go ahead, i'm leaving." haha. That kind of crazy sh*t. I hate it and I realize i'm doing it but for some reason my mental state just doesn't make me stop.
It takes someone with a lot of patience, caring, and understanding to be with someone with a mental disability. If you feel you can be with him and help him, then by all means, stay with him. If you think you can't deal with it (I would understand why you wouldn't want to deal with it. You just want to be free and not have to worry about someone else all the time) then leave.
I hope i gave you some insight.Health Question & Answer
It takes someone with a lot of patience, caring, and understanding to be with someone with a mental disability. If you feel you can be with him and help him, then by all means, stay with him. If you think you can't deal with it (I would understand why you wouldn't want to deal with it. You just want to be free and not have to worry about someone else all the time) then leave.
I hope i gave you some insight.Health Question & Answer
when people are depressed do you really think they want to drag others with them.? that shows a lot of love that he is pushing you away however..it is sad and tragic.
Maybe he wasn't lieing about really needing a friend but maybe at the same time he thinks you don't deserve some one who will make you depressed also.
Sounds like he likes you and is acting a little selfish - however it is your life he cannot tell you what to do now that the relationship has ended. If he is referring back to it that is kind of selfish which is confusing seeing as how he is pushing you away at the same time with his attitude..
Try to set it straight that you will be there for him as a friend if he needs one but nothing more - he doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship - I also question if you are mature enough since you need a stranger (me) telling you this...Health Question & Answer
Maybe he wasn't lieing about really needing a friend but maybe at the same time he thinks you don't deserve some one who will make you depressed also.
Sounds like he likes you and is acting a little selfish - however it is your life he cannot tell you what to do now that the relationship has ended. If he is referring back to it that is kind of selfish which is confusing seeing as how he is pushing you away at the same time with his attitude..
Try to set it straight that you will be there for him as a friend if he needs one but nothing more - he doesn't sound mature enough to be in a relationship - I also question if you are mature enough since you need a stranger (me) telling you this...Health Question & Answer
Depression is a very difficult thing to deal with. It revolves around anger, sadness and random outrages. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to let you go because you did make him happy, but felt that it wasn't fair on your part to be dragged into his mental misery.
At any rate, I suggest cutting communication with him, at least for a little while because he will try and stay in it as long as possible. As for the friendship, sometimes you really do need a break from each other for a little while so that you can get rid of all your feelings and move onto a different stage.
I do know what it is like to be depressed because I went through it a couple of years ago and it ultimately ended a relationship for me. The best thing that ever happened was cutting all communication ties and re-starting life over (went through depression when parents split...bought a new house, moved in with my mom and started life over and been happy ever since).Health Question & Answer
At any rate, I suggest cutting communication with him, at least for a little while because he will try and stay in it as long as possible. As for the friendship, sometimes you really do need a break from each other for a little while so that you can get rid of all your feelings and move onto a different stage.
I do know what it is like to be depressed because I went through it a couple of years ago and it ultimately ended a relationship for me. The best thing that ever happened was cutting all communication ties and re-starting life over (went through depression when parents split...bought a new house, moved in with my mom and started life over and been happy ever since).Health Question & Answer