Seriously, I need A LOT of advice... heartfelt experiences...?!


Question: Seriously, I need A LOT of advice... heartfelt experiences....?
This is long so bear with me...

When I was growing up my mom was very abusive-mentally, physically and emotionally. She'd beat me and lock me in my room and tell my family that I was on drugs and that I was pregnant when I was 13 and had an abortion. I never did anything like that. I wanted to get away from her so bad I put all my time and effort into school so I could get a scholarship and get out of that house.

Anyways, she kicked me out when I was 16 for going on a church retreat. I haven't lived with her since. She got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline multiple personality disorder and schitzoprenia. I started talking to her because she needed a shoulder to cry on and I forgave her for everything. When I got engaged she seemed happy for me. That was a first and I got excited thinking maybe we could be close.

Then she bailed out, I went dress shopping with my mother in law and my MIL basically helped me with all the planning. I was so hurt but on top of it all she showed up 20 minutes late, drunk, to my wedding. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted her to be the first to know. When I told her she flipped out and told my husband the baby wasn't his and that he made a big mistake. When my baby was born she never came to see us in the hospital. The first time she seen my baby was 4 months after he was born. (And when she seen my baby she looked at my husband and said "oh my God!

He looks just like his daddy"One night my brother called me crying (12 yrs old) saying my mom wasn't breathing. We went down there to find her drunk and playing a mean joke on him. She was talking about killing herself so I got her 302'ed (taken to a mental hospital against her will) and testified against her in court to help my dad to get full custody. She hasn't talked to me or seen me, my son or husband for 6 months. Do you think she has the right to be mad.? I was looking out for my bro. She found out recently her liver is malfunctioning.

After 6 months she called and acted all sweet asking for help with the doctors and someone to talk to. Would you forgive your mom AGAIN and just help her like nothing ever happenedHealth Question & Answer


Answers:
My mom was the same way. My dad finally got custody after the meter reader found me in the basement bleeding. My mother got drunk, and beat me with a bat. She was in and out of treatment for the next 10 years. She is still a mean violent drunk. I had to just cut her loose. It was a lot like she had died when I did that. I went through mourning, and cried a lot. Thankfully my dad was there when things got bad. The nightmares and guilt I felt were a lot more than I could take for a long time.
I imagine your brother is going through hell right now. Please just hold each other tight , and be thankful for the family you have. I know it's hard, but substance abusers with psychological problems and violent tendencies will rarely recover. The best you can do is to monitor things from far more than arms length.
I'm kinda crying trying to write this, but I just had to answer this one. You have a good support system in your husband, but you really need to keep an eye on your brother. The level of abuse he suffered at her hands can be extensive as boys are reluctant to disclose the magnitude of abuse. Mainly due to shame and guilt. Please make sure he is in some counseling to insure he doesn't fall into the tragic cycle of abuse.
You seem like you got out and fared well, but he is younger and has had a lot of time exposed to her worsening condition.

You did the right thing in having her committed. Never let anyone fault you for rescuing a child from abuse. Health Question & Answer

if it were me id cut my losses and focus on my new baby and husband. give your brother the support he needs as you have been through what he is going through. as hard as it is i would forgive and move on with out her. she is going to continue to do the same things over and over and may try to guilt you into helping her. think of your baby. you dont want him to have to deal woth this craziness.Health Question & Answer

I'm sorry. :(

I don't think you should feel obligated to be kind to your mother, after all she's done to you and your family. However, it's obvious that she has serious problems and you shouldn't hold it against her, realize that its the bipolar disorder/borderline personality disorder/etc that is making her do these things. I believe that it is up to you wether or not to help her again, but if you choose to, make the choice based on how you really feel, don't feel that you have to just because she's your mother. Because really, the way you've described her it doesn't really sound like she is beyond the biological part. I think you will know what choice to make better than I, though.

Good luck, and I feel for you. Reading your question actually made me feel really upset, I realized how horrible I was to hold a grudge against my own mother, when there are people out their willing to forgive theirs for things much worse than my mom has ever done. Health Question & Answer

Wow, that is a tough call. OK I am giving you my opinion because I to suffer from bipolar and borderline personalities. The first thing that I have to say is that everyone acts or reacts differently. I want to point out that bi polar is SEVERE maniac depression. Borderline personalities is....well when you suffer with this disease you have lows and highs. (mostly lows from my experience) but when you do have a high manic episode it is almost like a whole other person. But it is not it is simply that our good moods escalate much more than others. When we are in a state of low there is nothing or no one that is going to get through to us or to be able to help us. It is nothing personal (for most) and it can not be controlled by an individual. Being able to understand it helps tremendously however.
As far as whether or not you should forgive her that is up to you. But ask yourself this....If you were the one that had to deal with this would you want someone to understand.? Even if it not to the full extent.? It is hard. I feel that you did the right thing by her in signing her in against her will. That there shows that you love her even though it was more for your brother. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I will pray that she will some day take action as to understanding that this is not something that she has done nor has anyone else. It simply is what it is. You have to make the best out of your life. It is shorter with every breath that we take. Best of luck to you and your family. Feel free to email me if YOU need someone to talk with that understands what you deal with.Health Question & Answer

You did the right thing for your brother, and for her own good.
She is not mentally stable and shouldnt be allowed to look after a young child- your brother- and by playing around and pretending she cant breath proves she is not trustworthy.
Putting her in a hospital is the best thing u can do for her and u have.
I would say its best you give all your time and energy to your family and brother. There shouldnt be a reason for u to not talk to your mother. She sounds like a good person without the alcohol and dont forget she is ill. Pray for her and see her once a month to check if she is getting better and making progress. Im just suggesting after all i dont know the relationship you 2 have and there are proberbly alot of incidents that u havnt mentioned.
Do u feel like you can forgive her.? Forget the fact that she is your mum for a second and just see her as a individual, do u really think she is worth it.? Do u think she is capable of changing.? Talk to your family. Remeber its not just about you anymore, u have to think about your partner and childs safety and wishes.
Good Luck. I know how tough this can be but only you have the answer. Take care and congrats with your baby boy. Good health to you allHealth Question & Answer

After all that I'm not so sure I would be able to forgive my mom. I know this might come off as horrible, but she did alot of mean things to you and your brother, maybe this is karma.?Health Question & Answer



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