What can help me to change these behaviors?!
Question: What can help me to change these behaviors.?
I am an extremely up tight person (or so my husband says). I don't really know what character trait I would use to describe it, but i get extremely angry at the drop of a hat, I get angry if something doesn't go my way, I get so emotional over the silliest things, and I get get extremely overwhelmed about EVERYTHING. I want to change...I don't want to be this way anymore. It is affecting my family. I just don't know how...i have tried "just relaxing" as my husband says, but i just can't. What can I do to change these behaviors.? I don't believe in taking medication for everything...but I know I need some help.
No rude answers please...noly people that are really going to be helpful. Thanks!Health Question & Answer
No rude answers please...noly people that are really going to be helpful. Thanks!Health Question & Answer
Answers:
It's important to acknowledge angry feelings left over from the past, especially your childhood. Nothing can change what happened to you, but your attitude to it can change. Past losses and injustices, big or small, can rankle for years. Painful experiences may include being neglected by your parents, bitter rivalry with a brother or sister, the death of someone close, or growing up in exile.
You may think you have forgotten about them, that it's pointless to go over old bones. But, if something suddenly happens to you in the present, and your response to it is totally over the top, it may become clear that these feelings are not so dead after all! While you remain unaware of them, they can cause unnecessary problems. But, if you can get to know them, you will have a chance of dealing more constructively with present situations.
What should I do when I feel myself getting angry.?
Stop and think, if at all possible! There is a traditional saying, which is very sound, that goes: 'Hold your breath and count to ten before you say anything.'
Walk away from situations
It's a good idea to ask yourself, 'Am I so angry I can't think.?', and, 'Am I wanting to lash out and hit someone.?'. If the answer to either of these is yes, then walk away from the situation. Tell the other person that you are too angry to speak to them at this moment, if you can. Go away somewhere to calm down.
If necessary, let out the desire to lash out by hitting a cushion, breaking crockery if you have to, shouting, screaming or making some kind of angry noise where it will not alarm anyone.
Resolve unfinished business
'Why am I so angry.?'. Finding the answer to this is important for the next step. Are you angry because of something that is happening now, that threatens you, your life, your loved ones, your work, someone or something that you value.? In other words, is your anger justified and in proportion.? Or is it that some of the anger that you feel is not really due to the person and situation that you are facing now, but to some unfinished business from the past.?
If your anger turns out to be more to do with the past than the present, then think about how to address that before, or as well as, dealing with the current situation.
The way to find out about this is by talking it over with another person, preferably someone who is not involved, personally. Once you are clear that the anger is about the here-and-now, prepare to tell the other person that you are angry!Health Question & Answer
You may think you have forgotten about them, that it's pointless to go over old bones. But, if something suddenly happens to you in the present, and your response to it is totally over the top, it may become clear that these feelings are not so dead after all! While you remain unaware of them, they can cause unnecessary problems. But, if you can get to know them, you will have a chance of dealing more constructively with present situations.
What should I do when I feel myself getting angry.?
Stop and think, if at all possible! There is a traditional saying, which is very sound, that goes: 'Hold your breath and count to ten before you say anything.'
Walk away from situations
It's a good idea to ask yourself, 'Am I so angry I can't think.?', and, 'Am I wanting to lash out and hit someone.?'. If the answer to either of these is yes, then walk away from the situation. Tell the other person that you are too angry to speak to them at this moment, if you can. Go away somewhere to calm down.
If necessary, let out the desire to lash out by hitting a cushion, breaking crockery if you have to, shouting, screaming or making some kind of angry noise where it will not alarm anyone.
Resolve unfinished business
'Why am I so angry.?'. Finding the answer to this is important for the next step. Are you angry because of something that is happening now, that threatens you, your life, your loved ones, your work, someone or something that you value.? In other words, is your anger justified and in proportion.? Or is it that some of the anger that you feel is not really due to the person and situation that you are facing now, but to some unfinished business from the past.?
If your anger turns out to be more to do with the past than the present, then think about how to address that before, or as well as, dealing with the current situation.
The way to find out about this is by talking it over with another person, preferably someone who is not involved, personally. Once you are clear that the anger is about the here-and-now, prepare to tell the other person that you are angry!Health Question & Answer
for some, yoga or some meditation exercises &/or chanting some mantras helps. take deep breaths. do all or any of these as early in the morning as possible for best results. the mantra could be anything eg "i will be calm", "i will not get angry", "i am a happy person", or a simple "aum" - it should basically be repetitive & soothing.
see the sun rise & take deep breaths; just bask in the sun's rays for a while; close your eyes, try to become as serene as possible without a thought in the mind... "just relax" ;-)
check your daily routine - are you too cramped for time.? sit down & do some time-management. delegate to family & friends instead of doing everything yourself.
organize yourself & your chores. keep some time for yourself, your husband, & so on. don't spend too much time watching TV or on the compy [unless these Really help you relax]. instead go for a walk, read a book, do some arts/crafts....
try to "let go" - i know sometimes what people say or do can hurt if you are overly sensitive, yet, force yourself not to dwell on it. if you catch yourself ruminating about the event, stop yourself immediately & turn your thoughts to the work on hand or something nice.
splash cool water on your face & eyes or count to 10 or walk out of the room the moment you start to get angry. [let your family know in advance that walking out of the room is a temporary thing you may need to do to calm your nerves without meaning to offend them. however, let this be just a very temporary measure - for a few weeks only because it will tend to hurt the others].
hope some of these measures will help you
the best thing is that YOU have decided to change yourself -that is always a very good & strong first step. take all the help & support that your family offers
all the very best Health Question & Answer
see the sun rise & take deep breaths; just bask in the sun's rays for a while; close your eyes, try to become as serene as possible without a thought in the mind... "just relax" ;-)
check your daily routine - are you too cramped for time.? sit down & do some time-management. delegate to family & friends instead of doing everything yourself.
organize yourself & your chores. keep some time for yourself, your husband, & so on. don't spend too much time watching TV or on the compy [unless these Really help you relax]. instead go for a walk, read a book, do some arts/crafts....
try to "let go" - i know sometimes what people say or do can hurt if you are overly sensitive, yet, force yourself not to dwell on it. if you catch yourself ruminating about the event, stop yourself immediately & turn your thoughts to the work on hand or something nice.
splash cool water on your face & eyes or count to 10 or walk out of the room the moment you start to get angry. [let your family know in advance that walking out of the room is a temporary thing you may need to do to calm your nerves without meaning to offend them. however, let this be just a very temporary measure - for a few weeks only because it will tend to hurt the others].
hope some of these measures will help you
the best thing is that YOU have decided to change yourself -that is always a very good & strong first step. take all the help & support that your family offers
all the very best Health Question & Answer