How to write an apology for this?!
Question: How to write an apology for this.?
This past July I went to visit my relatives in British Columbia. This is the first trip I have ever been on alone. I was to stay with my cousin Jillian (34) and her family.
To introduce the true topic of this question I will travel back to 2004. I became bulimic when I was just over 12, sexually assaulted/abused on a regular basis (by a trusted family friend), mentally and verbally abused by my father (sometimes physically) - and it was a lot to handle. In 2007 my mother, brother and I went to BC for a month. During that month I saw my cousin Sandy(39) (the one I stayed with sister) in an entire different light. She was so kind, so fun and so great to be around. I loved her ever since. I wanted to be with her all the time. When I got home I emailed her. She asked if everything was ok, that she noticed I didn't eat much while I was there and that I went to the bathroom right after I ate. I told her the truth, I told her everything. She never told anyone. I can/could trust her with everything!
My first night in BC this summer I told Jillian, she knew everything, and promised she would never tell a soul. Well, she lied.. next moring she told my mom that I was bulimic (followed witht the 'what am I suppose to do, you aren't eating') but she made me happy with saying that my mom wanted to come right out but that she said that she shouldn't. A week passed and we did get a bit closer. I felt like such a burden (i know i was) and actually came off as bitter. I would get upset very easily and I wasn't too keen on going to all the doctor appts. they made for me. Anyway, a little time passed and things, I thought, were going fine. I still hadn't eaten. in the middle of the second week my mom came out. I was angry at her.. (not 100% sure why) Jillian brought up that i might be able to live with them, stay there and go to school and enjoy a life without fear. i was so excited, that had been such a dream - i love all of them out there (jillian and sandys mom (my aunt), lots of cousins and other aunt and uncle) we had to got Vancouver (Jillian and Sandy's brother's wedding) and when we came back they kicked me out. they didn't want me in either of their houses. So i had to go stay with my aunt and my mom. i was to leave in four days. i began to write a letter to Jillian. She had been the 'decsion maker' in the entire situation. Sandy wouldn't have betrayed me, she was a follower - she is forgiving and loving and the greatest woman alive! and i will think this way of her for eternity. anyway, jill wrote me a letter earlier, not saying much other than that I cannot blame people for others mistakes and that it is time to move on. i wanted to kind of lash out but i didnt'.. so i just wrote back (appartenly, it wasn't allowed for me to write what i felt, only for her to say things that hurt me. i wrote her bunches of things.. about the abuse and pain i suffer at home, how she is enabling my pain to continue (she told me that the pain was 'stoping right now'). i said some stupid things that i regret.. jokes about the abuser, about my weight ect (but they were out of fear and meant to sound sarcastic) - omg, i love jillian so much, i wanted her to just be there forever. sandy too - i wanted them to see me succeed and watch me grow up. after i wrote to jillian she freaked out at me... i ran out on the lawn and cried. she drove away without a word. Sandy has since forgiven me, their mother (my aunt) too has forgiven me. jillian, i haven't spoke to since. i feel bad and think about her everyday. nowww................ my question!!
How do I write an apology.? Is it alright to write one if I don't feel entirely sorry for something I don't feel is my fault.? How do I begin it.? Please help me.? Is this a good idea or should I leave her alone.? (card, email, phone call.?). I want to be in her life, her childrens lives.. they are wonderful people. Please... Health Question & Answer
To introduce the true topic of this question I will travel back to 2004. I became bulimic when I was just over 12, sexually assaulted/abused on a regular basis (by a trusted family friend), mentally and verbally abused by my father (sometimes physically) - and it was a lot to handle. In 2007 my mother, brother and I went to BC for a month. During that month I saw my cousin Sandy(39) (the one I stayed with sister) in an entire different light. She was so kind, so fun and so great to be around. I loved her ever since. I wanted to be with her all the time. When I got home I emailed her. She asked if everything was ok, that she noticed I didn't eat much while I was there and that I went to the bathroom right after I ate. I told her the truth, I told her everything. She never told anyone. I can/could trust her with everything!
My first night in BC this summer I told Jillian, she knew everything, and promised she would never tell a soul. Well, she lied.. next moring she told my mom that I was bulimic (followed witht the 'what am I suppose to do, you aren't eating') but she made me happy with saying that my mom wanted to come right out but that she said that she shouldn't. A week passed and we did get a bit closer. I felt like such a burden (i know i was) and actually came off as bitter. I would get upset very easily and I wasn't too keen on going to all the doctor appts. they made for me. Anyway, a little time passed and things, I thought, were going fine. I still hadn't eaten. in the middle of the second week my mom came out. I was angry at her.. (not 100% sure why) Jillian brought up that i might be able to live with them, stay there and go to school and enjoy a life without fear. i was so excited, that had been such a dream - i love all of them out there (jillian and sandys mom (my aunt), lots of cousins and other aunt and uncle) we had to got Vancouver (Jillian and Sandy's brother's wedding) and when we came back they kicked me out. they didn't want me in either of their houses. So i had to go stay with my aunt and my mom. i was to leave in four days. i began to write a letter to Jillian. She had been the 'decsion maker' in the entire situation. Sandy wouldn't have betrayed me, she was a follower - she is forgiving and loving and the greatest woman alive! and i will think this way of her for eternity. anyway, jill wrote me a letter earlier, not saying much other than that I cannot blame people for others mistakes and that it is time to move on. i wanted to kind of lash out but i didnt'.. so i just wrote back (appartenly, it wasn't allowed for me to write what i felt, only for her to say things that hurt me. i wrote her bunches of things.. about the abuse and pain i suffer at home, how she is enabling my pain to continue (she told me that the pain was 'stoping right now'). i said some stupid things that i regret.. jokes about the abuser, about my weight ect (but they were out of fear and meant to sound sarcastic) - omg, i love jillian so much, i wanted her to just be there forever. sandy too - i wanted them to see me succeed and watch me grow up. after i wrote to jillian she freaked out at me... i ran out on the lawn and cried. she drove away without a word. Sandy has since forgiven me, their mother (my aunt) too has forgiven me. jillian, i haven't spoke to since. i feel bad and think about her everyday. nowww................ my question!!
How do I write an apology.? Is it alright to write one if I don't feel entirely sorry for something I don't feel is my fault.? How do I begin it.? Please help me.? Is this a good idea or should I leave her alone.? (card, email, phone call.?). I want to be in her life, her childrens lives.. they are wonderful people. Please... Health Question & Answer
Answers:
I am so sleepy tonight that I haven't even read your question yet. But I have carefully printed it out and I'll read the whole thing tomorrow.
I already know the answer.
The answer is that people are SO HARD on themselves and you are being so hard on yourself. Sometimes when we are feeling wounded we are even harder on ourselves.
The most important thing in the world in terms of your psychological health and everyone's psychological health and just our health is that we all have to learn how to stop being so hard on ourselves.
Stop criticizing yourself so much.
Stop blaming yourself so much.
Stop taking so much responsibility for the problems of the world.
Stop worrying that you might have hurt somebody somewhere somehow at some point in the past.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
None of us is perfect. You are trying to hard and you will find that there are some people who will blame you and insult you anyway. Don't be one of those people.
Don't blame yourself.
Of course, somewhere out there there is a murderer or bank robber who is a bad person. You are not one of those people.
Of course, you said something at some point that hurt somebody's feelings. But it may not even have been intentional on your part.
But NOBODY thinks you should be blaming yourself as much as you already do.
For some reason, some young people all of a sudden start to take the whole weight of the world on their tiny shoulders and begin to feel as though they have hurt some body.
In this case my guess would be that Jillian is fine, that you didn't hurt her feelings at all. She's an adult and she knows exactly what kind of pressure a young person can feel.
As an adult, she has learned how to look at the way someone expresses something and interpret what they actually meant, using common sense. She is able to keep everything in perspective.
I can think of a thousand moments when I've said something hurtful that I feel bad about, and luckily I've forgotten the others.
But I know from experience that when I go to someone and apologize for something I've said, I was usually much more upset about it than they were and they usually reassure me that it was no big deal.
There is also just the fact that young people are famous for having mood swings. Adults are sometimes jealous because mood swings often mean euphoria and incredible amounts of energy, but young people know that mood swings also means that sometimes it feels as though the walls are all caving in on you and it's the end of the world.
In fact, you may be feeling better about this already by the time you read this note.
You are too young to regret this until the day you die because you are too young to have committed some unforgivable crime. You didn't. It was just a moment. I'm sure everything will be fine as soon as the two of you have a chance to talk.
I would say talk as soon as possible.
Take the infinitely high mountain you have created and shrink it back down to a mole hill.
Call her and tell her your feel bad that you raised your voice on such-and-such a day. She may not even remember the incident by this point.
What is a little mysterious for me is that there is nothing wrong with you telling her about the things that have made you so unhappy. I can't even figure out why you think that was wrong. Two heads are better than one. If anything, your mistake has been the mistake that young people usually make--that you have been too SLOW to tell everybody about the things that have made you unhappy. You need wise adults to get involved and to think about these issues and help you find ways to solve all of these problems one by one.
You were absolutely RIGHT to be reaching out to people you can trust--adults in your own family--for help.
I almost would encourage you to call ALL of your cousins and tell ALL of them everything.
What could be the harm.? You need an army of adults on your side. Everybody does.
It's good to be smart. It's good to be strong. But one of the smartest ways to make yourself stronger is to reach out to other wise people and get good ideas from them. Nobody has all the answers, but somebody SOMEWHERE has the answer no matter what the question is. Sometimes all you have to do is keep looking until you find that person.
Well, now my answer is as long as your question. LOL
I hope that convinces you that I care. And a lot of people would if they heard the whole story. All you have to do is talk to people and you'll find them. Not everybody is good, but there are good people all around us.
Now stop being so hard on yourself and wipe away those tears. Other people are the bad guys, not you. Sometimes that's the most important thing to know.
If you ever feel bad, don't beat yourself up: help someone else.
How should you write a note of apology.?
Shorten it down and calm it down to the appropriate length: one simple and sincere sentence.
And don't be so hard on yourself. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't be agonizing over -how- to write an apology letter.
There is this weird phenomenon. Only the innocent people ever seem to feel any guilt.Health Question & Answer
I already know the answer.
The answer is that people are SO HARD on themselves and you are being so hard on yourself. Sometimes when we are feeling wounded we are even harder on ourselves.
The most important thing in the world in terms of your psychological health and everyone's psychological health and just our health is that we all have to learn how to stop being so hard on ourselves.
Stop criticizing yourself so much.
Stop blaming yourself so much.
Stop taking so much responsibility for the problems of the world.
Stop worrying that you might have hurt somebody somewhere somehow at some point in the past.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
None of us is perfect. You are trying to hard and you will find that there are some people who will blame you and insult you anyway. Don't be one of those people.
Don't blame yourself.
Of course, somewhere out there there is a murderer or bank robber who is a bad person. You are not one of those people.
Of course, you said something at some point that hurt somebody's feelings. But it may not even have been intentional on your part.
But NOBODY thinks you should be blaming yourself as much as you already do.
For some reason, some young people all of a sudden start to take the whole weight of the world on their tiny shoulders and begin to feel as though they have hurt some body.
In this case my guess would be that Jillian is fine, that you didn't hurt her feelings at all. She's an adult and she knows exactly what kind of pressure a young person can feel.
As an adult, she has learned how to look at the way someone expresses something and interpret what they actually meant, using common sense. She is able to keep everything in perspective.
I can think of a thousand moments when I've said something hurtful that I feel bad about, and luckily I've forgotten the others.
But I know from experience that when I go to someone and apologize for something I've said, I was usually much more upset about it than they were and they usually reassure me that it was no big deal.
There is also just the fact that young people are famous for having mood swings. Adults are sometimes jealous because mood swings often mean euphoria and incredible amounts of energy, but young people know that mood swings also means that sometimes it feels as though the walls are all caving in on you and it's the end of the world.
In fact, you may be feeling better about this already by the time you read this note.
You are too young to regret this until the day you die because you are too young to have committed some unforgivable crime. You didn't. It was just a moment. I'm sure everything will be fine as soon as the two of you have a chance to talk.
I would say talk as soon as possible.
Take the infinitely high mountain you have created and shrink it back down to a mole hill.
Call her and tell her your feel bad that you raised your voice on such-and-such a day. She may not even remember the incident by this point.
What is a little mysterious for me is that there is nothing wrong with you telling her about the things that have made you so unhappy. I can't even figure out why you think that was wrong. Two heads are better than one. If anything, your mistake has been the mistake that young people usually make--that you have been too SLOW to tell everybody about the things that have made you unhappy. You need wise adults to get involved and to think about these issues and help you find ways to solve all of these problems one by one.
You were absolutely RIGHT to be reaching out to people you can trust--adults in your own family--for help.
I almost would encourage you to call ALL of your cousins and tell ALL of them everything.
What could be the harm.? You need an army of adults on your side. Everybody does.
It's good to be smart. It's good to be strong. But one of the smartest ways to make yourself stronger is to reach out to other wise people and get good ideas from them. Nobody has all the answers, but somebody SOMEWHERE has the answer no matter what the question is. Sometimes all you have to do is keep looking until you find that person.
Well, now my answer is as long as your question. LOL
I hope that convinces you that I care. And a lot of people would if they heard the whole story. All you have to do is talk to people and you'll find them. Not everybody is good, but there are good people all around us.
Now stop being so hard on yourself and wipe away those tears. Other people are the bad guys, not you. Sometimes that's the most important thing to know.
If you ever feel bad, don't beat yourself up: help someone else.
How should you write a note of apology.?
Shorten it down and calm it down to the appropriate length: one simple and sincere sentence.
And don't be so hard on yourself. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't be agonizing over -how- to write an apology letter.
There is this weird phenomenon. Only the innocent people ever seem to feel any guilt.Health Question & Answer
need to focus on yourself, get strong and self reliant. Its and emotional age and they understand, the best apology would be pulling yourself together and succeeding in your life and making good decisions. Apologies arent worth anything if they dont contain substance and thats all they want to see out of youHealth Question & Answer
honey, first.. you are a great person and you should star to love you more without any one else, I see you are the kind of peopple who need the others soport to fell good but that is not always necesary or shouldnt be, I know you have a lot of traumatic situations in the past but is up to you to keep going and be better, but if you wan to fix this with her why not call her and say what you wrote here, that you want to make it up but you are sure that you didnt do something wrong but in any way you want to have a nice friendship with her and forget the trobles and let the past behind, but do it because you want to be her friend not because you wish to have their live and be one of theme, you have your own with troubles if you want, but is your own life, try to keep going and be a better human, and she was just traying to help you, or you want to die.? many peopple die for bolimia , I know you wish to be as a model but what you will win after that, the guy look at you and continue with abuse, do you like the others look at you and maybe bother you.?, just be you, love you as you are, and try to have a joby, get into a cominity program to help peopple or something that makes to you go outside and be busy but in same time see different kind of peopple and you will se your troubles are little if you see the other peopple troubles...........you are just a kid, please, try to plain your future...........god loves you!!............(sorry for my englis)......
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