What should I do about stress?!


Question: What should I do about stress.?
Ever since I had my son, who is now 3, it seems I have been stressed. I am married, and we decided I would be a stay at home mom. I love staying at home with my son. But, I feel that I am a single mother. Right when we came home from the hospital after having our son, I felt like I was the only one committed to our family. My husband never wanted to get up with him, I never asked him to get up in the middle of the night on work nights. On weekends, it would have been nice if he would help. But he slept right through our screaming baby. (not to mention, I had a spinal headache for 3 weeks after having our son, and I had a hernia right after having him, and needed surgery a month after having our son as well) when he would come home from work, it would have been nice for him to help. He has never had a full day/night home with our sone alone.. I went out of town last year for 10 days due to dealths in the family, and my husband had his mom watch our son most of the time. I have been having neck/cheast/back pains for 3 years, and I have taken tests, and everything was fine. So it must be stress. I feel trapped at home with nothing to do. My husbands tire is flat, and needs to be repaired, and instead of fixing it, he takes my vehicle to work. (this has been going on for 2 weeks now) and I had just recently gotten a vehicle because my other one was old, and broke. I went a year w/out a vehicle until I got my vehicle 2 months ago. When my husband comes home from work, he fights with our son. He treats him like he is his brother instead of his son. And it feels like I have two kids... My husband wants us to start trying for another, but I know I will be doing it all on my own again. Lets get this straight... My husband isn't a bad man. He is a good guy. He just doesn't get it. What should I do to be less stressful, and try to get my husband to get it. I tried talking to him tonight and he didn't say anything, and just starts talking about something else. Any advise.? Please be nice. (and no, we are young little kids. we are in our mid 20's) Health Question & Answer


Answers:
See stress treatments, at ezy build, below, in section 42. A certain level of stress is unavoidable, in modern society, so it is a good idea to develop effective coping methods. Light to moderate daily exercise helps fight stress.
For some people, it helps to visualise of a quiet, relaxing scene, (Imagine, as vividly as you can, that you are on a tropical beach, reclining comfortably; you luxuriate, as the the sun warms you, and a gentle breeze caresses your skin lightly, inhaling the tangy, sea scented, salt laden spray from the sparkling, translucent, aqua waves, crashing on the white, coral beach sand, and feeling the hot sand slip through your fingers in one hand, sipping your favorite drink with the other; all the while, the seagulls call, swoop and cavort playfully overhead in a cloudless, azure sky: you feel just like one of them, free to soar and cartwheel, or just glide in the moist, heavy air, and that this moment will last forever ... ).

Try: http://www.mayoclinic/health/meditation/... & http://www.amazon.com/Sounds-Of-The-Ocea... Other suggestions: http://www.secretsofmeditation.com/demo....
and the audio, as well as the printed version, at: http://www.lessons4living.com/relaxation... and http://www.amazon.com/Ambient-Rain-Sound... or the mountain river sounds. Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily: (certified free of mercury) it is best if consumed with an antioxidant, such as an orange, or grapefruit, or their FRESHLY SQUEEZED juice. If vitamin E is added, it should be certified as being 100% from natural sources, or it may be synthetic: avoid it. Ginseng & Lady's Slipper are recommended herbal remedies.

Practise daily, one of the relaxation techniques on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i; whichever works best for you, but the mindfulness breathing for 15 - 20 mns is ideal, although the progressive muscle relaxation can be learned quickly, and takes only several minutes, if pressed for time. Repeat: "I feel calm" and/or "I can handle this." Employ the EFT version for use in public, for which you can reasonably claim that you have a headache, as you massage/tap your temples, but it may be advisable to restrict yourself to subvocalising (saying it to yourself, in your mind, not aloud). Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o refer. "Even though I sometimes suffer from stress, I deeply and completely accept myself".

A variant of EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety, is shown in section 42, on page i, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris I have found that the 2 - 3 minutes spent using the EMDR markedly reduces distractions to the relaxation process, and is repaid many times over. You can also multitask, using the gazing technique, as you walk/jog or exercise, by focusing on a distant object, or just focus awareness on how each step feels, noting any thoughts which flash across your mind, without pursuing any particular train of thought, just gently redirect your focus to the task at hand.

For you, or others: A massage (at least neck and shoulders) with jasmine, lavender, juniper, and/or bergamot, or German chamomile essential oils added to the massage oil, and to a warm bath, preferably beforehand, to help make any tension knots and muscles more pliant (they may only want, say, a juniper and/or bergamot and/or sandalwood mix: check first). I am aware of advice that strong heat, applied to essential oils can damage them, and so I would not use a diffuser.

also consider anise, basil, bay, eucalyptus, peppermint, rose, and thyme. Place some pieces of rock salt in a small vial, then add a few drops of the oil of your choice (the rock salt absorbs the oil and is less risky to carry around than a bottle of oil). Open the vial and breathe in the scent whenever you need a quick stress release. See if they will do long, stretching yoga exercises, or t'ai chi with you (see section 2, at ezy build). Health Question & Answer

It sounds like he wants another kid cause it's his way of "saving" your marriage. If you're stressed, go sleep more. If you have enough sleep, I don't think you're stressed, I think you're tired. Tired of being a housewife. If you don't work and only take care of the kid, I can understand why your husband might be lazy around the house and pretty much let you do everything, but there's an easy remedy to that. Get a job or at least work part time so you can say that you're helping with the bread winning so he should help with the housework and child rearing. Health Question & Answer

I am also in my mid 20s and dealing with this issue as well.

No one can really tell you what is best because ultimately you know your husband the best and know which methods work for you two. For instance, If I had he chat like you did and my husband disregarded it and went onto another topic I would be persistent until we agreed. Maybe you know your husband doesn't work that way and persistence will just annoy him or something like that.

I just find that you get a lot more accomplished if you communicate. You haven't really said if your husband actually knows any of these things are bothering you. Does he know how you feel in regards to him spending time with his son.? Does he know you are upset that he doesn't help with the baby when they were born.? If not you definitely need a major discussion about this before even thinking about having another child. If you are feeling that trapped and worried that you will have to do it on your own that is not a good time to bring another baby into the mix.

Below are a few stress coping suggestions I recently found. I hope they can help, but really it seems that you just need to talk it out with the husband.Health Question & Answer

I think you need to make sure he realizes how much stress you are under. Give it to him bluntly. You have to catch his attention so that he understands you can't do it alone and it's stressing you out.Health Question & Answer

Bluntly - you have 2 children already. He may be "a good guy" but he is still a child. I hate to say this this succinctly but guys have sneaky techniques to dodge responsibilities and it sounds like he has not reached the point of being an adult/father. Yet he wants to have another child .? He IS another child to you. Guys will avoid growing up if you make it easy for them. He needs to grow up. You can't "dump" too much on him at once (fatherhood) because it may be dangerous to your son if/when he fails. But you do need to give him small (and increasingly bigger) doses of fatherhood/responsibility. As a possibility can you invite a friend/relative of yours over for the evening and tell your husband that you need this time and that he needs to take sole control of your son (while you are nearby in case he loses his cool and starts to smack/be abusive to your son). With the "company" ( your friend/relative) present as a witness - husband will try to act the fatherly role better than if you are alone. If you are alone he will just "dump" the responsibility on you when it gets rough. If he succeeds, try it again for a longer period. Ascertain if he has the ability or if he is hopeless. You situation is very common (note I;m not saying it's right - just common). Guys will "go limp and play dead" so that the wife will take over if they can get away with it. You need to see if your man is a "reluctant" but possible dad or if he is a hopeless waste. You won't know until you try. Maybe he could turn out to be a decent dad if you force him to try. Either way, you need to know. And by ALL means - don't allow the possibility of an additional baby until you ascertain if it will have a "father" or if it'd have 2 "brothers". EDIT - Sorry I forgot to directly answer your question . You have stress because at this point - you are a single mother to 2 children. You need HELP. Find out if hubby can give it.Health Question & Answer



The consumer health information on youqa.cn is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2012 YouQA.cn -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Q&A Resources