I just need some advice and some balance.. please help?!
Question: I just need some advice and some balance.. please help.?
Hi *waves* I'm a 15 year old girl and here's my life story. Lol... not really (: I just want some help I feel so stuck!
Ok, just to straighten things out, I'm not a depressed kind of person. I'm always extremely happy and easy-going. But lately, I haven't been feeling "down" really... just, empty. Like I am disappearing inside myself. And I don't have any friends I feel as if I can turn to. The only time I ever really opened up about my feelings I felt so vulnerable and nobody really supported me anyway, so now I tend to keep things to myself.
My best friend is a boy, for purposes of this question I am going to name him as Sun. Sun and I have known each other for about 5 years now. I dated him for a while, but I was really unhappy and ended it. But we pulled through and we're still best friends. But, I can't even really explain it. Lately he has been getting on my nerves. Like he doesn't seem to understand my need for female interaction. At lunchtimes at school all we do is walk around the school together. He always insists that he knows a lot about me... the other day he said to me that he could "read me like a book" but the other day he said something about the way I feel to somebody else which was completely off target. He also seems to enjoy poking me, and it's little things like that that are beginning to really get under my skin. When I tell him to stop he just says "Someone's getting pissy" and keeps going. He doesn't seem to comprehend that even I have boundaries. He is very possessive and I feel like I'm not "allowed" to talk to other people. I tend to not be able to find words to talk to him anymore. It feels like a struggle trying to make conversation, so I usually just walk in silence while he rambles on about things that offend me. And he doesn't seem to be able to have one conversation with me without bringing up the subject of my boobs!
Hence, I have found it very difficult communicating with people lately. Really good friends, and I feel uncomfortable around them. I just can't talk. Nothing comes out. And when I do say stuff they look at me like I'm weird... but not a good weird. Like a "way over the top" kind of weird. And it's completely destroying my confidence and self esteem. I feel as if they don't want me there. And I feel like I'm drifting away from them. When I sit by myself in class now it is a huge relief because then I don't have to go to the effort of thinking about something to say.
For a long time I've been under the impression that these problems would fade and I would be able to talk again. But it just seems to be getting worse. I only really have conversations with people I've met on the internet now. And it's quite sad... have I reached the point where my life is being take over by instant messaging!.?
I also have quite a lot of problems with my health. I have a hyperfunctional voice disorder which makes my voice sound like I constantly have a cold and I am really sensitive about it. It also means that I can't raise my voice because that will do further damage to my vocal folds, so I can't talk in loud environments or raise my voice basically at all.
I also have bilateral hip subluxation, so my hips partially dislocate very frequently, as in, 30 times a day. It is extremely painful and I can't even do simple things such as stand on one leg.
My whole life out of school is ruled by appointments for my faulty body and homework or assignments. In 2 weeks I have 8 end of year exams and I have no idea how I'm supposed to fit in study as well as 2 hours of physiotherapy exercises and an hour of voice exercises daily.
But, I can't even explain it. The feeling of fear, I don't feel it anymore. It seems trivial to me. Things that only 6 months ago would have got my heart beating fast and adrenaline pulsing through my veins, such as upside down carnival rides. I went on one the other day, absolutely nothing. The only thing I felt that I don't feel in everyday life was the gravitational pull towards the ground.
My life is completely ruled by others. My parents, Sun, teachers... it's all becoming too much for me. I have lost 15 kilograms recently and I'm still losing it. And I wasn't fat to begin with.
And the fact that my hips are really bad... I actually just got back from a physio appointment, I had to leave halfway through writing this.
My family has also been quite unstable lately and I don't know. There's a few larger things which are too huge for me to trust out with any random stranger on the internet, but I don't know. I'm not emo. I'm just stressed I guess, everything is getting on top of me. I just want some advice on how to get through this all because I'm beginning to feel like I don't exist.Health Question & Answer
Ok, just to straighten things out, I'm not a depressed kind of person. I'm always extremely happy and easy-going. But lately, I haven't been feeling "down" really... just, empty. Like I am disappearing inside myself. And I don't have any friends I feel as if I can turn to. The only time I ever really opened up about my feelings I felt so vulnerable and nobody really supported me anyway, so now I tend to keep things to myself.
My best friend is a boy, for purposes of this question I am going to name him as Sun. Sun and I have known each other for about 5 years now. I dated him for a while, but I was really unhappy and ended it. But we pulled through and we're still best friends. But, I can't even really explain it. Lately he has been getting on my nerves. Like he doesn't seem to understand my need for female interaction. At lunchtimes at school all we do is walk around the school together. He always insists that he knows a lot about me... the other day he said to me that he could "read me like a book" but the other day he said something about the way I feel to somebody else which was completely off target. He also seems to enjoy poking me, and it's little things like that that are beginning to really get under my skin. When I tell him to stop he just says "Someone's getting pissy" and keeps going. He doesn't seem to comprehend that even I have boundaries. He is very possessive and I feel like I'm not "allowed" to talk to other people. I tend to not be able to find words to talk to him anymore. It feels like a struggle trying to make conversation, so I usually just walk in silence while he rambles on about things that offend me. And he doesn't seem to be able to have one conversation with me without bringing up the subject of my boobs!
Hence, I have found it very difficult communicating with people lately. Really good friends, and I feel uncomfortable around them. I just can't talk. Nothing comes out. And when I do say stuff they look at me like I'm weird... but not a good weird. Like a "way over the top" kind of weird. And it's completely destroying my confidence and self esteem. I feel as if they don't want me there. And I feel like I'm drifting away from them. When I sit by myself in class now it is a huge relief because then I don't have to go to the effort of thinking about something to say.
For a long time I've been under the impression that these problems would fade and I would be able to talk again. But it just seems to be getting worse. I only really have conversations with people I've met on the internet now. And it's quite sad... have I reached the point where my life is being take over by instant messaging!.?
I also have quite a lot of problems with my health. I have a hyperfunctional voice disorder which makes my voice sound like I constantly have a cold and I am really sensitive about it. It also means that I can't raise my voice because that will do further damage to my vocal folds, so I can't talk in loud environments or raise my voice basically at all.
I also have bilateral hip subluxation, so my hips partially dislocate very frequently, as in, 30 times a day. It is extremely painful and I can't even do simple things such as stand on one leg.
My whole life out of school is ruled by appointments for my faulty body and homework or assignments. In 2 weeks I have 8 end of year exams and I have no idea how I'm supposed to fit in study as well as 2 hours of physiotherapy exercises and an hour of voice exercises daily.
But, I can't even explain it. The feeling of fear, I don't feel it anymore. It seems trivial to me. Things that only 6 months ago would have got my heart beating fast and adrenaline pulsing through my veins, such as upside down carnival rides. I went on one the other day, absolutely nothing. The only thing I felt that I don't feel in everyday life was the gravitational pull towards the ground.
My life is completely ruled by others. My parents, Sun, teachers... it's all becoming too much for me. I have lost 15 kilograms recently and I'm still losing it. And I wasn't fat to begin with.
And the fact that my hips are really bad... I actually just got back from a physio appointment, I had to leave halfway through writing this.
My family has also been quite unstable lately and I don't know. There's a few larger things which are too huge for me to trust out with any random stranger on the internet, but I don't know. I'm not emo. I'm just stressed I guess, everything is getting on top of me. I just want some advice on how to get through this all because I'm beginning to feel like I don't exist.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Call 1-800-525-LOVE licensed counselors 24/7 http://www.klove.com and tell your story. They'll be able to help some.
It sounds like you might benefit by connecting with a local counselor at some time. Your therapist might know of some, or 1-800-232-6459 M-F business hours (ask for Counseling dept.) will have some good local ones' contact numbers.
You might benefit by reading "Emotions," Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D.
"Mindset," Dr. Carol Dweck,
"The Overachievers," Alexandra Robbins,
"Expecting Adam," Martha Beck, Ph.D.,
and "Soul Mates and Twin Flames," Elizabeth Clare Prophet.
Your "pokey" friend could likely benefit by reading "For Men Only," by Shaunti Feldhahn; maybe for birthday or holidays....
You sound really positive, patient, and resilient, even though you're carrying some burdens and stress. It's good you are actively seeking ways to meet your healing needs.
While you're experiencing being alone presently, "To Live Within," Lizelle Reymond, is a beautifully written account of same.
"The Neverending Story," Michael Ende, "The Great Divorce," C. S. Lewis, and "A Wrinkle in Time," L'Engle, are also worthwhile fiction about being alone. You're likely keeping alive/championing your inner child's right to thrive, so they'll be accessible, heartwarming, helpful.Health Question & Answer
It sounds like you might benefit by connecting with a local counselor at some time. Your therapist might know of some, or 1-800-232-6459 M-F business hours (ask for Counseling dept.) will have some good local ones' contact numbers.
You might benefit by reading "Emotions," Marilyn C. Barrick, Ph.D.
"Mindset," Dr. Carol Dweck,
"The Overachievers," Alexandra Robbins,
"Expecting Adam," Martha Beck, Ph.D.,
and "Soul Mates and Twin Flames," Elizabeth Clare Prophet.
Your "pokey" friend could likely benefit by reading "For Men Only," by Shaunti Feldhahn; maybe for birthday or holidays....
You sound really positive, patient, and resilient, even though you're carrying some burdens and stress. It's good you are actively seeking ways to meet your healing needs.
While you're experiencing being alone presently, "To Live Within," Lizelle Reymond, is a beautifully written account of same.
"The Neverending Story," Michael Ende, "The Great Divorce," C. S. Lewis, and "A Wrinkle in Time," L'Engle, are also worthwhile fiction about being alone. You're likely keeping alive/championing your inner child's right to thrive, so they'll be accessible, heartwarming, helpful.Health Question & Answer
Sorry I gave up reading after the first few paragraphs so here is my advice tell Sun to F Off and don't talk to him anymore. Health Question & Answer
you may need to speak with a psychologist to sort out your thinking and feelings. just go to a gp and ask or a referral.
most of all start doing things that please you that make you feel happy about yourself take up a hobby or a sport. let people know that this your life. take care and good luckHealth Question & Answer
most of all start doing things that please you that make you feel happy about yourself take up a hobby or a sport. let people know that this your life. take care and good luckHealth Question & Answer
Firstly, few of us are capable of giving you professional advice because we don't understand your emotions. Secondly, I would tell your boy-friend/ buddy/ pal or whatever, you want some time off....meaning leave me alone until I tell you different. and stick to it). It sounds like he is setting you up for intercourse...if you have'nt done it already. I suggest you don't do it as it is emotional plus pregnancy or a sexual disease would be tough for you to handle. Lastly, show this same letter to your doctor and get some professional help from someone in the mental help field. Let the right people help you !
Read " Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann ( l927).. In part it says, "be gentle with yourself, You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars; you have right to be here. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you percieve him to be. With all it's sham, drudgery amd broken dreams: it is still a beautiful world. Be cheef\rful. Good luck.
Health Question & Answer
Read " Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann ( l927).. In part it says, "be gentle with yourself, You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars; you have right to be here. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you percieve him to be. With all it's sham, drudgery amd broken dreams: it is still a beautiful world. Be cheef\rful. Good luck.
Health Question & Answer