Am I in denial about what really happened?!
Question: Am I in denial about what really happened.?
I don't know what to think about what happened to me when I was 12. For about a year a boy convinced me to do sexual things with him. I didn't know it was wrong at the time. He would say these horrible manipulating things to get me to do these things. He would make me feel bad if I didn't do it. I felt like I had to do it. The boy was 15 at the time. I feel like it can't be molestation. I feel like I don't deserve to be called a victim. It's really eating me up inside. I have never told anyone. I can't trust guys at all. It's been five years and I've been silent. I just don't know what to do. Was it really molestation.? If it was then why can't I believe it.? Can someone explain to me what is going on with me. Is this long term side effects.? Is it normal.?
help pleaseHealth Question & Answer
help pleaseHealth Question & Answer
Answers:
Your obvious feelings of shame and guilt are a dead giveaway. It WAS molestation, and you have EVERY right to call it that. You have every right to call it whatever you feel it was, to yourself and to anyone else (though of course it's easier in one's own head than out loud...)
I had a similar incident when I was 8, and because of the violent rapes from my earlier childhood, I was really nervous about calling what happened with my brother's friend (only three years older than I, he was 11 or so at the time) anything like molestation, or rape, or even just calling it an "incident" was hard. But it was.
The thing that finally got through to me was being asked this question: did you feel violated.? If yes, then it was. If not, if really truly you did not feel violated, then it could be that it was just two kids messing around. But I'd be shocked if that's what you felt, just from the few words here.
It might be long-term, but I think once you decide for yourself what to call it, once you identify those feelings, things will get a lot better fast.
The best thing you can do is find someone you think you can trust, and talk to them. But SLOWLY!!! Go very cautiously, not because they might not be trustworthy, but rather because YOU need the time to slowly get used to the feeling of trusting someone again, and you need to learn that you can trust yourself again. When someone gets violated, they have a very difficult time learning that they can trust their feelings, and that's probably the biggest hurdle to cross. But you can do it.
Try to not call yourself a victim. Think of it more in terms of "survivor" and silly as the difference may sound, it makes a huge leap from helpless to strong that is just incredible. You're not a victim, you're not someone who is weak and helpless and small. You're a survivor, someone strong and capable, who justs needs to start believing in yourself again.
It takes time. Even a single second of violation takes time to heal from, to recover from, to go back to "normal" from. It takes reaching out and breaking that wall of silence, one person at a time, until the shame and guilt are gone for good.Health Question & Answer
I had a similar incident when I was 8, and because of the violent rapes from my earlier childhood, I was really nervous about calling what happened with my brother's friend (only three years older than I, he was 11 or so at the time) anything like molestation, or rape, or even just calling it an "incident" was hard. But it was.
The thing that finally got through to me was being asked this question: did you feel violated.? If yes, then it was. If not, if really truly you did not feel violated, then it could be that it was just two kids messing around. But I'd be shocked if that's what you felt, just from the few words here.
It might be long-term, but I think once you decide for yourself what to call it, once you identify those feelings, things will get a lot better fast.
The best thing you can do is find someone you think you can trust, and talk to them. But SLOWLY!!! Go very cautiously, not because they might not be trustworthy, but rather because YOU need the time to slowly get used to the feeling of trusting someone again, and you need to learn that you can trust yourself again. When someone gets violated, they have a very difficult time learning that they can trust their feelings, and that's probably the biggest hurdle to cross. But you can do it.
Try to not call yourself a victim. Think of it more in terms of "survivor" and silly as the difference may sound, it makes a huge leap from helpless to strong that is just incredible. You're not a victim, you're not someone who is weak and helpless and small. You're a survivor, someone strong and capable, who justs needs to start believing in yourself again.
It takes time. Even a single second of violation takes time to heal from, to recover from, to go back to "normal" from. It takes reaching out and breaking that wall of silence, one person at a time, until the shame and guilt are gone for good.Health Question & Answer
At 12 years old you most certainly were a victim of molestation. You need to talk to someone like a counselor. It's obvious you don't feel good about yourself and it will only get worse if you keep silent about it.
And know this: it wasn't your fault--you weren't bad or dirty. You realize yourself that you were manipulated in a cruel way--that's not because you are bad but because you were so young. Good luck sweetie.Health Question & Answer
And know this: it wasn't your fault--you weren't bad or dirty. You realize yourself that you were manipulated in a cruel way--that's not because you are bad but because you were so young. Good luck sweetie.Health Question & Answer
You did these things at your own free will. Don't completely blame him. A lot of guys are locked up for that type of stuff. Health Question & Answer
Yes it was molestation. Yes it's normal to have long-term effects.
I strongly suggest you get counseling. It will help a lot. It will give you perspective on what happened.
I also think you should report it to the police. Someone who would do that to a 12-year-old may still be out there now doing it to some other little kid, but now he's 20. Please consider this. It's not too late to help someone else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you can become strong and overcome it.
BTW, a 12-year-old is not considered able to consent to sex, no matter what the other person says.Health Question & Answer
I strongly suggest you get counseling. It will help a lot. It will give you perspective on what happened.
I also think you should report it to the police. Someone who would do that to a 12-year-old may still be out there now doing it to some other little kid, but now he's 20. Please consider this. It's not too late to help someone else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you can become strong and overcome it.
BTW, a 12-year-old is not considered able to consent to sex, no matter what the other person says.Health Question & Answer
If I did the math right, your now l7 and still clinging to 12. Keep it in perspective. You have every right to feel bitter but that doesn't make life better. Only you can. You have so much more maturing and learning about life that you should open yourself up to the goodness that is here on Earth. I hope you can go on to College and chart your course with your feet on the ground and your head in the clouds. I am a good man and there are many more. Keep your head up kiddo and enjoy the life you have and all it's blessings.Health Question & Answer
Molestation is when someone is having unwanted sexual acts on another person.That can either be visually or physically. So your case could be an example of molestation.
For 5 years, you've probably avoided thinking about this incident, probably saying to yourself that it would pass. But now the thought has come back and got the best of you.
The only way to overcome this is by accepting what happened. It is only by facing a fear or a thought that you can overcome it. Avoiding a thought/situation rather than facing it may make you feel better in short terms, but in long terms it doesn't solve anything.
By facing a fear you will probably have to relive the awful scene and even call yourself a victim. The process will be painful in the first days or weeks. But in the long run, you will come to accept what happened and it will no longer bother you. You might even learn from this incident so that you know what to do if another situation similar to this would present itself.
Talk to a psychologistHealth Question & Answer
For 5 years, you've probably avoided thinking about this incident, probably saying to yourself that it would pass. But now the thought has come back and got the best of you.
The only way to overcome this is by accepting what happened. It is only by facing a fear or a thought that you can overcome it. Avoiding a thought/situation rather than facing it may make you feel better in short terms, but in long terms it doesn't solve anything.
By facing a fear you will probably have to relive the awful scene and even call yourself a victim. The process will be painful in the first days or weeks. But in the long run, you will come to accept what happened and it will no longer bother you. You might even learn from this incident so that you know what to do if another situation similar to this would present itself.
Talk to a psychologistHealth Question & Answer
Hi there, the same thing happened with me. I was 11 and the boy was 14. I am 38 now and still sometimes think about it. I was kind of close to my parents but not enough to talk about this. So I also had an issue of trusting guys through high school. I realized later that the boy that was doing this stuff with me must have been either sexually abused himself or mentally abused. Because this is a form of molestation. Molestation can happen even with very small children doing sexual stuff with other very small children. It stems from abuse. Once you acknowledge what happened to you is sexual abuse, you can get past it. Realize though, as I had to, that you are way more precious and way more important than a piece of meat to guys. Realize that you deserve to be treated like a star by a guy first and foremost. And one good thing might come from this, you wont fall for the manipulating guys that are out there. No matter your age, there will be those guys, You now know you deserve better!! Let this situation make you that much stronger!! I hope this helps:)Health Question & Answer
If he was 15 and you were 12 then it's hard to say. You were both going through puberty, and it's hard for guys to understand that they're being manipulative... just as it's hard for the girl to express with assertiveness that she's not comfortable with it.
it is completely normal to be concerned if it might have been molestation. It's often just teenage hormones, but it matters how far he took the things you didn't want to do. If you're still in contact with him or can, you should attempt to bring it up to him. I know there might be some people who disagree with that, but it's possible he feels guilty about it... or it might be good to let him know, which might make him more aware that he is manipulative. Some guys are just clueless and telling him would give you closure and maybe show him how he was.
Some girls might say I'm stupid for saying you should confront the guy, but I know I would have been very thankful to be made aware that I was being manipulative... Health Question & Answer
it is completely normal to be concerned if it might have been molestation. It's often just teenage hormones, but it matters how far he took the things you didn't want to do. If you're still in contact with him or can, you should attempt to bring it up to him. I know there might be some people who disagree with that, but it's possible he feels guilty about it... or it might be good to let him know, which might make him more aware that he is manipulative. Some guys are just clueless and telling him would give you closure and maybe show him how he was.
Some girls might say I'm stupid for saying you should confront the guy, but I know I would have been very thankful to be made aware that I was being manipulative... Health Question & Answer