Should I end therapy over this?!
Question: Should I end therapy over this.?
I've been seeing my therapist for 10 months to help with an abusive situation I was in. We spoke little about the abuse even though I had a lot on my chest I wanted to get out, but since she didn't seem to want to know details I kept it to myself. During my last session I brought it up and volunteered to tell her more about it because it's hard to keep it in. It was really terrible stuff, but she remained emotionless and professional which I know she is trained to do, but hey we're only human and if anyone told me those things I would show sorrow and feel sorry for them. As soon as our time was up she was all about scheduling our next appointment and have a nice day.
Well, I came home feeling angry and empty, like I just spilled my heart to someone who didn't show empathy. I felt like I wanted to take everything I shared back and felt mad at her. I ended up leaving her a message that I was canceling our next appointment and quitting therapy for now. She left a nice voicemail back saying she'd like to find out why from me, but I have not called back. I mean, if i have to tell her to show/fake showing like she cares, how much will that change things.? Would all therapists respond the same way.? Was it right to end the therapy after having investing so much time/money in her.? Is my complaint ligitimite.? Is it worth telling her why I want to quit.?Health Question & Answer
Well, I came home feeling angry and empty, like I just spilled my heart to someone who didn't show empathy. I felt like I wanted to take everything I shared back and felt mad at her. I ended up leaving her a message that I was canceling our next appointment and quitting therapy for now. She left a nice voicemail back saying she'd like to find out why from me, but I have not called back. I mean, if i have to tell her to show/fake showing like she cares, how much will that change things.? Would all therapists respond the same way.? Was it right to end the therapy after having investing so much time/money in her.? Is my complaint ligitimite.? Is it worth telling her why I want to quit.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
The fact that she called you back and asked for feedback indicates that there is receptivity. Some therapists would have not bothered. I have a very kind hearted therapist and sometimes I tell her things and she reacts with compassion, other times, not so much. I've come to realize that it's the most awful things where she has less expression. Often that is because when we share these big things that have a lot of shame & emotion around them, the therapist does not want to add to that. They want you to be able to share what you feel without feeling any judgement and so try to keep a poker face in case you might misread something. Some people, if they felt they were being pitied would immediately shut down and not continue. What concerns me more is that you felt she did not want to know details for 10 months. For me that's a red flag and you need to bring that up. She may not have meant to portray that at all and may be surprised. Therapists are human, but the good ones will be open to hearing how they can improve or adjust their approach. I would give her a chance to explain. For your own self-worth you need to tell her how you felt when you got home. She may surprise you and end up apologizing. My therapist has. If her answer is not acceptable to you, then find a new therapist. But you will feel way more empowered by confronting her. It's a shame to throw out 10 months of work. Good Luck. (If she gets blaming or rude, etc., then get up and walk out. You do not need to even hear her out.)Health Question & Answer
i think you were right to quit. if you don't feel supported and like you can talk about what is really bothering you then what's the point of going.? you need to trust your therapist and you need to be able to know that they will be there for you and support you through what is bugging you. that's what they are there for. i think you should tell her the truth as well. Health Question & Answer
If you think that she has been helpful in your situation I think you should reschedule your appointment and tell her how you felt about her reaction. It is best to be honest about it that to avoid talking about it. I think she deserves to hear why want to quit, but I guess that is your choice. Health Question & Answer
you gave it your best positive attitude, it didnt work , so i would give up , and walk away to find another therapist.Health Question & Answer
You have to be comfortable with your therapist-it doesn't sound like you are-so I think you were right to quit.Health Question & Answer
I think you should take this as an opportunity to do some introspection and find why your therapist's apathy made you so up set. Was it truly the apathy.? Or maybe you are feeling the way you do because it is emotions that are finally starting to surface. I went through abuse too. I was only a child but growing up I acted out a lot. When I finally got into therapy I eventually realized that the abuse simply didn't make me a sad person, it made me angry. And it was anger I did not allow myself to deal with and as a kid growing up I did a lot of bad things because of it.
The fact is that people who suffer through trauma and rape tend to carry a lot of anger. And I think that because you were even able to feel that emotion that that was a good thing. I think you are on your way to a real break through and that is truly part of the healing process.
My advice to you is that you reschedule your appointment and you sit down with your therapist and explain to her how you felt when she showed that level of apathy. You might be surprised by her response.
Understand psychologist and psychiatrist are trained to not show emotions and remain distant from their clients and patients. You know that. But the reason they are trained to be like that is because they don't want to get close to their patients and start to feel up set themselves over other people's problems. Their job is not to share the emotional load of their clients but rather act as a medium to help them learn to carry that load themselves. The other reason they are so distant is to protect their clients from developing an unhealthy dependence on them.
Odds are if you started seeing someone else, they would probably do the same thing.Health Question & Answer
The fact is that people who suffer through trauma and rape tend to carry a lot of anger. And I think that because you were even able to feel that emotion that that was a good thing. I think you are on your way to a real break through and that is truly part of the healing process.
My advice to you is that you reschedule your appointment and you sit down with your therapist and explain to her how you felt when she showed that level of apathy. You might be surprised by her response.
Understand psychologist and psychiatrist are trained to not show emotions and remain distant from their clients and patients. You know that. But the reason they are trained to be like that is because they don't want to get close to their patients and start to feel up set themselves over other people's problems. Their job is not to share the emotional load of their clients but rather act as a medium to help them learn to carry that load themselves. The other reason they are so distant is to protect their clients from developing an unhealthy dependence on them.
Odds are if you started seeing someone else, they would probably do the same thing.Health Question & Answer
You owe it to her and yourself to go and see her at least once last time, and tell her why you are quitting. Therapy is not an exact science and there are so many therapies of what treatments work. Her method was not one you liked. Is that bad.? Not necessarily, but definitly go talk to her. If you also need someone to talk to e-mail me.Health Question & Answer
No, I don't think all therapists would respond the same way. However, you said you've been seeing her for the last ten months, so that's a significant amount of time in therapy. If you've generally not had a problem with her up until this point, then it might be worth it to reschedule and talk to her about you felt about the way she reacted the way she did.
However, it is your money and your mental health. If you don't feel comfortable with her, by all means, find another therapist. Mental health is too fragile to mess around with, so you deserve to work with someone you feel understands you and is someone you're comfortable talking to. Hope this helps.Health Question & Answer
However, it is your money and your mental health. If you don't feel comfortable with her, by all means, find another therapist. Mental health is too fragile to mess around with, so you deserve to work with someone you feel understands you and is someone you're comfortable talking to. Hope this helps.Health Question & Answer
Go to your next session (FOR YOU)...tell her what you told us, that you told her all these terrible things & she was unresponsive. You feel that it's very difficult to work with someone who just doesn't react to something terrible. The important thing is to tell her how angry you are at her.
It is normal in therapy to get angry with your therapist at some time. 10 months sounds about right.
It's possible some of your reaction is part of transference where you are responding to your therapist the way others in your life responded to you, maybe even your abuser. It may even be that part of you would like to be able to be able to walk out of that relationship.
What will change is that you will learn how to be angry & learn how to express it in a constructive way.
She will not show fake caring, but give yourself a chance to see what will happen. It seems she was okay for 10 months.
Many clients also get nervous unconsciously about having a 1 year anniversary coming up. They get afraid of getting close.
Not ALL therapists would behave the way yours did. But they would probably do something else that would make you angry!
My suggestion is that even if you were to end this therapy, it will be to your advantage to work this thru with her.
My best to you.Health Question & Answer
It is normal in therapy to get angry with your therapist at some time. 10 months sounds about right.
It's possible some of your reaction is part of transference where you are responding to your therapist the way others in your life responded to you, maybe even your abuser. It may even be that part of you would like to be able to be able to walk out of that relationship.
What will change is that you will learn how to be angry & learn how to express it in a constructive way.
She will not show fake caring, but give yourself a chance to see what will happen. It seems she was okay for 10 months.
Many clients also get nervous unconsciously about having a 1 year anniversary coming up. They get afraid of getting close.
Not ALL therapists would behave the way yours did. But they would probably do something else that would make you angry!
My suggestion is that even if you were to end this therapy, it will be to your advantage to work this thru with her.
My best to you.Health Question & Answer
Whoa there, little lady! You're expecting something from a therapist that they can't give you. It's not about showing compassion or anything else. A therapist has to remain blank; they are your canvas upon which you paint the picture.
They can't be a mirror to reflect back what you think what you would feel.
A therapist is not your friend. Part of their training is learning how to be objective and uninvolved emotionally with their patients. Otherwise, they could "oh and ah" all over the place and not be able to help you.
That's what you have friends and relatives for, just as the police are there for when you are tired of being mistreated and abused. Hopefully, the abusor is out of your life.
Your family can give you sympathy, but your doctor needs to remain objective and help you.
You don't expect an emergency room nurse to cry when she sees people manged and damaged and dieing, do you.? If she did, she couldn't help anyone. Ditto a therapist.
I think your complaint is not realistic. I'd call her back and get myself reinstated. She will understand, and a good therapist knows not to take stumbling blocks personally. This is a misunderstanding.
And I'd be wanting to explore why you were allowing someone to abuse you, assuming it went on for a time.
Take care. Good luck. You are a child of God, and are loved.Health Question & Answer
They can't be a mirror to reflect back what you think what you would feel.
A therapist is not your friend. Part of their training is learning how to be objective and uninvolved emotionally with their patients. Otherwise, they could "oh and ah" all over the place and not be able to help you.
That's what you have friends and relatives for, just as the police are there for when you are tired of being mistreated and abused. Hopefully, the abusor is out of your life.
Your family can give you sympathy, but your doctor needs to remain objective and help you.
You don't expect an emergency room nurse to cry when she sees people manged and damaged and dieing, do you.? If she did, she couldn't help anyone. Ditto a therapist.
I think your complaint is not realistic. I'd call her back and get myself reinstated. She will understand, and a good therapist knows not to take stumbling blocks personally. This is a misunderstanding.
And I'd be wanting to explore why you were allowing someone to abuse you, assuming it went on for a time.
Take care. Good luck. You are a child of God, and are loved.Health Question & Answer
I find that many of these psychiatrist or psychologist are just out to earn a buck. I was in therapy for 1 year with this idiot and he did me absolutely no good. Friends talking to me is what helped me the most. To think I paid that idiot 90 an hour just burns me. If she isn't giving you any feedback and she is just listening then she isn't doing the job she is suppose to. Find another therapist to help you with your problems, or just get a good friend to listen to your problems.Health Question & Answer