My world is falling apart! MATURE ANSWERS PLEASE?!
Question: My world is falling apart! MATURE ANSWERS PLEASE.?
I am in an 8 month relationship with a very dangerous man. He is involed in a dangerous gang, one of those true hard core gangs. I know you think it sounds ridiculous for me being with him but it was a rebound relationship which i got into too deeply. I was engaged to a firefighter last december & i found out just before the wedding that 2 weeks before we where due to be married on his stag night he slept with an older woman due to alot of alcohol. I was heartbroken we had been together for 8 years, im 25 & he is 27. My current boyfriend(28) is really into me, always kissing me, telling me he loves me and all that. What he does scares me so much, im scared for my safety. I know that i brought it on myself but i didnt think i would be so stupid. Now i feel terrified to leave him. He has become obsessed with me, so my friends say. The thing is my ex fiance asked me to go back to him. He is back in my life through my brother who works with him. I never stoped loving him, but i felt my world was destroyed when i found out about the stag night. He knows that my current boyfriend is in that world. I know it may be easy for me to leave as i have two brothers who are detectives. I cant move in with my parents as the have both passed & my 5 siblings are a little older than me & are married with children.
Please help me with some advice
and no sarcasic remarks please i dont need them
Thank you so much!
Health Question & Answer
Please help me with some advice
and no sarcasic remarks please i dont need them
Thank you so much!
Health Question & Answer
Answers:
I think you were courageous to end your relationship with your fiance, and human to feel the pain of deception. Whether alcohol, or his last bachelor's party, it was one night, that pales to the eight years you have spend with this man.
Sometimes it is better to work through those last hurtful pains and NOT get married, vs. just going ahead with it, and beginning a marriage full of hurt feelings anger and resentment.
So you moved on, mainly because of all of the attention and affection, and now you are in way over your head. That is nothing to judge you on either, no big deal....but let's sort through how to get out.
Here are some questions:
1. How organized is the crime.? How dangerous are his friends.? Meaning, how easy is it for them to order a "hit".? Whether punks on the street or highly trained mobman, you need to know how easy it is for them to resolve their problems and how violent they tend to be.
Based on your description, hardcore tends to mean death.
2. Do you have anything documented.? Names, dates, things that already happened, crimes that have been already committed.? Blackmail is illegal, but working with narcotics is not. With the assistance of an undercover agent who is working the streets, you would be able to have some "inside" protection. In order to go that route, you would need to call anonymously or from an untraceable phone to the feds or locals (depending on how organized, the feds might be more help). That is assuming you are allowed to go out of his site or near an untapped or unmonitored phone.
3. Can you act natural and not be suspicious while you are making a plan to get out.?.? You can't just run in and tell him that you are taking off. You are right that it's dangerous, very dangerous. You need records of all of the things he has done. I didn't hear any information that he is violent towards you, but didn't know if you just neglected to share, if so, you need that documented too. Each date, each crime, if you or someone else was hit, what were you hit, kicked or punched with.? How many times, if a gun was pulled, was it loaded.? ******, etc.
This documentation has to be OUT of the house NEVER on any computer or paper at home. Leave the information with someone UNRELATED to either family or friends (YOURS or his). Don't trust that information with anyone except someone like a boss, or get a $5.00 safety deposit box and tell the teller if anything happens to get it out. Put any evidence in there that you have. Hair, blood, stained clothing items, just cut pieces out. It is risky, but could save your life or incarcerate him if something does happen in the end. (If you handling "evidence", try using gloves and zip lock bags.
You will need to devise a VERY well calculated plan for how you will escape. This plan must include step by step what you will do in any situation. YOU MUST CONTACT A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CRISIS CENTER TO HELP YOU WITH THE ESCAPE PLAN!!! They specialize in making a customized get away so you are able to leave safely!!
Go back to your fiance and GET COUNSELING!!! Both of you need it - especially for the marriage! You can get through this, but you need the help of a professional, seeing that you are trying to leave one.
You are in my prayers!Health Question & Answer
Sometimes it is better to work through those last hurtful pains and NOT get married, vs. just going ahead with it, and beginning a marriage full of hurt feelings anger and resentment.
So you moved on, mainly because of all of the attention and affection, and now you are in way over your head. That is nothing to judge you on either, no big deal....but let's sort through how to get out.
Here are some questions:
1. How organized is the crime.? How dangerous are his friends.? Meaning, how easy is it for them to order a "hit".? Whether punks on the street or highly trained mobman, you need to know how easy it is for them to resolve their problems and how violent they tend to be.
Based on your description, hardcore tends to mean death.
2. Do you have anything documented.? Names, dates, things that already happened, crimes that have been already committed.? Blackmail is illegal, but working with narcotics is not. With the assistance of an undercover agent who is working the streets, you would be able to have some "inside" protection. In order to go that route, you would need to call anonymously or from an untraceable phone to the feds or locals (depending on how organized, the feds might be more help). That is assuming you are allowed to go out of his site or near an untapped or unmonitored phone.
3. Can you act natural and not be suspicious while you are making a plan to get out.?.? You can't just run in and tell him that you are taking off. You are right that it's dangerous, very dangerous. You need records of all of the things he has done. I didn't hear any information that he is violent towards you, but didn't know if you just neglected to share, if so, you need that documented too. Each date, each crime, if you or someone else was hit, what were you hit, kicked or punched with.? How many times, if a gun was pulled, was it loaded.? ******, etc.
This documentation has to be OUT of the house NEVER on any computer or paper at home. Leave the information with someone UNRELATED to either family or friends (YOURS or his). Don't trust that information with anyone except someone like a boss, or get a $5.00 safety deposit box and tell the teller if anything happens to get it out. Put any evidence in there that you have. Hair, blood, stained clothing items, just cut pieces out. It is risky, but could save your life or incarcerate him if something does happen in the end. (If you handling "evidence", try using gloves and zip lock bags.
You will need to devise a VERY well calculated plan for how you will escape. This plan must include step by step what you will do in any situation. YOU MUST CONTACT A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CRISIS CENTER TO HELP YOU WITH THE ESCAPE PLAN!!! They specialize in making a customized get away so you are able to leave safely!!
Go back to your fiance and GET COUNSELING!!! Both of you need it - especially for the marriage! You can get through this, but you need the help of a professional, seeing that you are trying to leave one.
You are in my prayers!Health Question & Answer
If you don't love him then leave him. You are the best judge on how to do that. Discreetly or just plain and simply dumping, what matters is that you leave the relationship that you know that is going nowhere. As for your ex fiance, you dont have to decide right away. Leave the first relationship asap, and then think about your feelings for your ex.Health Question & Answer
honestly get as much info about him before you leave him. so people will know if anything happens to you they will know about him and what he s intoHealth Question & Answer
People will only treat you the way you ALLOW them to.Health Question & Answer
There are women's support groups all over the place. Find a number and call them. They will be able to help you reestablish your life. I don't know that going back to your former boyfriend is that answer. You need some time to yourself to sort out all of the answers that are bothering you. Your feelings for him might be accurate but there is also the possibility that what you are now feeling is the loss of a "normal" relationship. To me you need to figure out just what it is in life that you want for yourself. Figure out who you are and once that has been done then the addition of a relationship into your life will make more sense. Right now it seems that you want to run from one bad situation into another one that you ran away from. Seek help from professionals or support groups and work on yourself.Health Question & Answer
i don't know where you live. but if i were you i would just leave when he is gone. leave all of your stuff behind. get back with your boy friend live with him what ever. all that matters is for you being happy. life is to short it live in a fix like your in. i believe a big city would be easier to get away from some one. i live out in the country. every one knows every one. i can't think of any way to help you. i will put you in my prayers. good luck.Health Question & Answer
You pack your stuff and you leave. You tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him that you are scared of him and if you feel that your safety is in jeopardy call police, while you pack your stuff. Leave and don't tell him where you go. Don't tell him about your ex!!!
Sometimes we all do stupid things, due to alcohol or just lack of judgment and afterward we realize what we have done, maybe you and your ex finance should get back together, but first make sure that you are safe, maybe you can tell your ex that you are scared and you can find shelter with him... I am sure that your siblings would not mind taking you in either for a little while, that's what siblings are for, to help.Health Question & Answer
Sometimes we all do stupid things, due to alcohol or just lack of judgment and afterward we realize what we have done, maybe you and your ex finance should get back together, but first make sure that you are safe, maybe you can tell your ex that you are scared and you can find shelter with him... I am sure that your siblings would not mind taking you in either for a little while, that's what siblings are for, to help.Health Question & Answer