Help please..................?!


Question: Help please...................?
I was sexually abused as a child,and to this day is bothers me. I'm married now but I don't feel comfortable with making love to my husband even though I do love him. It might sound strange but it's like everytime we become intimate it reminds me of my past. My husband is very strong and built and I'm so small and weak compared to him. And even though he's being gentle it reminds me of the abuse. He's strong enough to hurt me if he wanted to. And when he runs his huge hands along my body or when he gets on top of me and starts kissing me it makes me feel like he's overpowering me. I literally start to panic my heart starts racing and I breathe heavily. I don't want him to feel I'm afraid of him. Health Question & Answer


Answers:
Nope. that's not strange. Your abuse left an impression on your mind, and changed your opinions. BUT you can change them again.

You might be able to find a hypnotist that could remove those past memories that crop up, or give you a warm happy feeling when you're with your husband. Be sure you find a great hypnotist that has a long career and is highly recommended.

Just like the "impression" that is in your mind, is that if someone is bigger and stronger, they're going to hurt you, got put in your mind..due to your abuse... That thought can be taken out of your mind, and replaced with a thought, more like I have when I'm around my 300 lb husband... "Gee, I'm so safe and secure, he's so strong, that I'm really safe near him, because he'll protect me". Health Question & Answer

Its quite common to feel panicked during sexual relations with a partner after beign molested or raped. The best thing to do is counseling, and talk to him about how you feel. Would you feel better if you were on top.? what things scare you that he does.? how could you do it differently that will still be pleasurable.? just little changes will help alot. good luckHealth Question & Answer

its a little strange unless he scares you or looks like you father in anyway

do you have any reason NOT to trust your husband if theres any reason you need to know how serious that reason is.


and if you need any more help or info E-mail me at secret_salsa@yahoo.com
Health Question & Answer

Im so sorry this has happened to you! Its definitely NORMAL to have these feelings. The best way to resolve this is to go to a therapist, talking with someone who is licensed in dealing with these types of situations. Best of luck.Health Question & Answer

you should see a therapist and they can help you work through you bad memorys. and if you dont want to do that you should just talk it through with your husband. trust me he'll understand.Health Question & Answer

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just talk to him it will help Health Question & Answer

What you are describing is completely normal for victims of sexual abuse, and 100% understandable.

Have you talked to your husband about your past.?

I am not a professional, but you sound like a lot of confusion and fear still lingers from the time you were abused. I would suggest seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse recovery. He/she could give you pointers to remedy your intimacy doubts and cope with the discomfort you're experiencing.

If you are comfortable enough, maybe a couples' therapist would be great for you and your husband to see together. With guidance, you could let him know exactly what bothers you when you make love, and how to improve the experience. If your husband has a thorough understanding of why you feel the way you currently are during sex, he should not take it personally, and I bet he would do anything to make you feel more at ease.

There is a very good reason behind your discomfort and even fear about sex. The fact that you feel this way doesn't mean you love your husband any less, or that you're afraid of him. It's not strange at all.

Best of luck.Health Question & Answer

Part of your mind, in your subconscious, is still that little girl. When you were a child, the abuser must have seemed huge, and powerful. Your husband's size triggers those memories, possibly in the form of "flashbacks" which cause the anxiety/panic response. This seems to me to be PTSD. See sexual abuse: minors, in section 20, at ezy build, below. Pandy's is a good first choice. A previous answer follows:

See Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in sections 33 - 34, and examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites, and use the locators in sections 33 - 34, and section 1, and phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy).

If unable to afford it, or to locate one nearby, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. Contact your county/local mental health agency, and find out what help they can offer. (U.S.A.) Try phoning 411, and Google: "clinics; mhmr; (your city); (your state)" In EMDR, a therapist will ask you to revisit a traumatic event and remember the feelings, negative thoughts, or memories associated with it. While you are doing this, the therapist will hold up two fingers about eighteen inches from your face and move them from side to side. You will be told to track the movement of the therapist

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