What does a depressed person want to hear (I resent my boyfriend)?!


Question: What does a depressed person want to hear (I resent my boyfriend).?
My boyfriend is depressed, and has been (on and off) since we've been together (almost 2 years), but he's in the midst of a bad low right now. I've found and given him the contact for help in our area, as I have in the past, but he refuses to get help. He says he
Answers:
Just keep rolling like everything is normal.
Sometimes it honestly can't be helped- Some people can't get pills to work (I myself tried a few different types- all of which either changed my depression to rage, or just made me more depressed), many people do not do well with psychologists or refuse to see them at all (often people think one doesn't work then why would another, or simply have a fear to seeing what- Generally people that need psychologists seem to be frowned upon by our society as well), and sometimes the lifestyle isn't the problem regardless of how much it changes.
If you really want to help respect his decisions, keep rolling with things, and just try and be there. When I personally have my low spells it's just nice to have someone to cuddle and talk to, or at the very least to know there's someone there for me should I need help.Health Question & Answer

Just carry on your normal routine. Don't give in to his requests. Keep acting normally.

I have depression and have instructed my husband not to pander to my behaviour.Health Question & Answer

the problem is he probably does not want to hear any thingHealth Question & Answer

Maybe you should get therapy so you can get over the bad feelings about your mother which you are projecting onto your relationships with everyone else.

It's not him who needs help it's you. Depression is not about self-pity. If you cannot muster any sympathy in your cold heart over someone you claim to care for then at least fake it like everyone else in life does.

The best solution would be to break up. He probably wants you to act like a compassionate human being towards him

It's quite ridiculous of you to say he won't help himself when he's went through the entire correct list of things to do to get help for depression.
Sometimes it just doesn't work or he got lousy doctors. Like a lot of depressed people the problem is probably mostly to do with lack of support from friends and family, particularly living with people who bring them down rather than prop them up.

edit: Yes! Well get some help for yourself. It's not fair on you or your boyfriend. Coping with a depressed person can be very hard.Health Question & Answer

The question is; what does he NEED to hear.? I could care less about what someone wants to hear. I am not doing that person a service by telling him what he wants to hear. I tell the truth as is to others.
Either you can tell your boyfriend to start taking your advice and putting in effort or you move on. No one including you has time for timewasters. I had a husband like that once; gave him advice when I asked for it-didnt follow through and things got worse for the both of us. So i had to lose one of two things: My sanity or my husband. I lost my husband. But things would have been different had he took any of the advice i doled out for 3 yrs. I realized he chose things to be that way. Now; if does put in considerable effort and things are still bad; try getting a second opinion from a doctor.
On the other hand; if you are talking advice to him till you are blue in the face-and he still doesnt follow through; cut him lose or you will end up sacraficing your sanity. It is a tough decision to makeHealth Question & Answer

This is going to sound harsh. But, yours is a common and harsh perception of depressed people (as "self-pitying"), and so needs to rebuked harshly. Besides, you present yourself as someone who's strong, objective and rigorous--so I'm sure you can take it.

If you've been with someone you find repulsive for years, lambaste him for his perceived wretchedness to both him and strangers on the internet, and pity yourself for being with him....

....what does that say about you.? It sounds like you have feelings of deep inadequacy, going perhaps as far as seeing yourself as depraved, and so surround yourself with "weak" people you can feel superior to. "I've been through so much he hasn't; and yet I'm sane, self-sacrificing and good and he's crazy, self-absorbed and bad!"

If you feel this way for this long, and you have not left, then you must be receiving some sort of payoff, no.? Therapy could help you evaluate the extent of this.

Allow me to speculate further.

Both of you could be playing the same roles in your relationship as in your respective families. You're the "goodnik" who means so well and is treated so shabbily by others, whereas, if he is chronically-depressed, he's the "nogoodnik" who antagonizes everyone around him with melancholia. Despite your efforts not to "mother" him, in these roles you're just that: the critical mother who approaches her wayward son with "tough love."

Depression is a response to feelings of shame. Judging by his relationship choice, chances are your significant other was criticized mercilessly as a child, has internalized this criticism, and surrendered to it; viz. surrounds himself with people who subject him to shaming because it seems "natural." This is pretty common.

By heaping invective and abuse on him, you actually enable his depression--you do the very opposite of getting him to "snap out of it!" Snapping out of it is impossible. I hardly receive any positive feedback (most people dislike me, which is fine) anywhere in my life and yet my attempts to snap out of depression have been pretty disastrous. Assuming that anyone can is insulting.Health Question & Answer

Well I am kind of in the same position except I am pretty depressed, and me and my GF are in a long distance relationship... And you are right, its all about self pity, if he is in the same state as me. I don't think I deserve to be in this mess I am in right now I deserve better, etc... I blame my health, I blame people around me, but won't do a damn thing about it...You come last, even if he does love you. And believe me there isnt a damn thing you can do about it...Health Question & Answer



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