As an adult how do you let go and forgive when your parents ruined your life as a child?!
Question: As an adult how do you let go and forgive when your parents ruined your life as a child.?
Warning:Long story.
years 5-10 or 11 were great years. Was happy, popular in school, in all sports, very good at them. Had lots of friends, lots of fun, sleepovers, sports practice everyday. Wasn't with parents much because of so much time with friends.
Then they forced us to move to another town which was bad, more like a trashy town, they became even more and very very abusive. Lots of bad, bad, bad stuff that happened that shouldn't have. Lots of weird stuff happened that shouldn't have. Not going into details because it would take too long but basically YEARS and years of abuse, isolation and very bad stuff happened. All I can say is TONS N YEARS OF BAD STUFF.? Couldn't find new friends to replace all the old ones either.
They turned me into a happy, normal kid with lots of potential into someone depressed and messed up and lonely. It really hurts to think of what I *could* have been. I moved back to the town I used to live in and some of the old ppl are still here and I wonder what if we were friends all this time instead of me bein abused and isolated somewhere else.? Everytime someone says I remember you from way back when you played this sport or were in this school it makes me sad.
Now I'm an adult and still have nightmares over years 11-18 sometimes and try to forget and forgive but I'm struggling so how do I get over it once and for all.?Health Question & Answer
years 5-10 or 11 were great years. Was happy, popular in school, in all sports, very good at them. Had lots of friends, lots of fun, sleepovers, sports practice everyday. Wasn't with parents much because of so much time with friends.
Then they forced us to move to another town which was bad, more like a trashy town, they became even more and very very abusive. Lots of bad, bad, bad stuff that happened that shouldn't have. Lots of weird stuff happened that shouldn't have. Not going into details because it would take too long but basically YEARS and years of abuse, isolation and very bad stuff happened. All I can say is TONS N YEARS OF BAD STUFF.? Couldn't find new friends to replace all the old ones either.
They turned me into a happy, normal kid with lots of potential into someone depressed and messed up and lonely. It really hurts to think of what I *could* have been. I moved back to the town I used to live in and some of the old ppl are still here and I wonder what if we were friends all this time instead of me bein abused and isolated somewhere else.? Everytime someone says I remember you from way back when you played this sport or were in this school it makes me sad.
Now I'm an adult and still have nightmares over years 11-18 sometimes and try to forget and forgive but I'm struggling so how do I get over it once and for all.?Health Question & Answer
Answers:
Ok sweetie, it's tough, and I know what you're going through, it gets a little easier when they start getting old and frail, then you know they really can't hurt you any more.
Get some therapy so you don't wind up in more abusive relationships, and don't let a horrible childhood ruin the rest of your life, whatever you want to be you can still be, it is sad that your innocence was taken away from you too soon in this manner, but you are the one responsible for the rest of your life. You are in control now. If you let this keep you down, then the abusers win. Don't give them that. The way to fight back and get even is to succeed in spite of everything.
As far as forgiving goes, it's a long slow road, travelled an inch at a time, and you never forget. I still have nightmares about my father and I am 42 and he has been dead 6 years. It does get better though hopefully you know someone who makes you feel safe. My nightmares came less and less when I met my husband. Find a good church and give all of this over to God. Health Question & Answer
Get some therapy so you don't wind up in more abusive relationships, and don't let a horrible childhood ruin the rest of your life, whatever you want to be you can still be, it is sad that your innocence was taken away from you too soon in this manner, but you are the one responsible for the rest of your life. You are in control now. If you let this keep you down, then the abusers win. Don't give them that. The way to fight back and get even is to succeed in spite of everything.
As far as forgiving goes, it's a long slow road, travelled an inch at a time, and you never forget. I still have nightmares about my father and I am 42 and he has been dead 6 years. It does get better though hopefully you know someone who makes you feel safe. My nightmares came less and less when I met my husband. Find a good church and give all of this over to God. Health Question & Answer
Wow, I have been asking myself the same question. Except they were my entire childhood, dealing with drug abuse, beatings, molestation, neglect , verbal abuse. I remember my childhood are being very unhappy and I blame them. Maybe a cop out but thats how I feel. If you find the solution please clue me in, I truly empathize with you.Health Question & Answer
I'm sorry, but you don't get over it once and for all. you get over it a little bit at a time.
Your description is such that you need a real psychologist to help you work through it - not just try to do it yourself.
If you live in California, i can suggest a very good one.Health Question & Answer
Your description is such that you need a real psychologist to help you work through it - not just try to do it yourself.
If you live in California, i can suggest a very good one.Health Question & Answer
im so sorry. but you just have to look ahead and put it in the past. praying too God will help you. feeling close to Him is a great feeling and will help you. i wish you the best!:)Health Question & Answer
You do not state how old you are now as an adult; however, judging from your response, you appear to be in your early to mid twenties. Please keep in mind that you have many, many happy things to look forward to in your life, in spite of the misery caused by the ignorance and maliciousness of others.
In Spanish, there is a word, "Adelante," which means "forward" or "ahead." Realizing that no human being has ever been able to change that which has already transpired in the past is part of the process of moving ahead with your life.
Nevertheless, it is important to release this pent-up inner sorrow through psychological therapy, as it only grows when internalized. I would suggest seeking the advice of a qualified psychologist who has empathy for such persons as yourself. A psychiatrist will only give you medications, which obscure the feelings rather than addressing the root of the issues.
Remember, as hard as it may be, look forward in life.
Health Question & Answer
In Spanish, there is a word, "Adelante," which means "forward" or "ahead." Realizing that no human being has ever been able to change that which has already transpired in the past is part of the process of moving ahead with your life.
Nevertheless, it is important to release this pent-up inner sorrow through psychological therapy, as it only grows when internalized. I would suggest seeking the advice of a qualified psychologist who has empathy for such persons as yourself. A psychiatrist will only give you medications, which obscure the feelings rather than addressing the root of the issues.
Remember, as hard as it may be, look forward in life.
Health Question & Answer
mmph i have been through the same kind of thing....when i was 11 we moved to england and i lost all my best friends and so i made some more in england as i was young and after 2 years they then decided to move to frigin italy where i knew no one and didnt even speak italian, then not only that they sent me to an italian school not even the international school so naturaly i faild there and droped out then went into a depressio staying in my foom for weeks on end, so i put on heaps of weight then my mum started calling me a failure and i should go to school and study -.- yea sure in a foregin language if i hadnt moved there i could be whatever i wanted i was doing so well at school....but 5 moths ago me and my mum moved back because of her seperating with my dad to australia.....i had some fights with her and my brother phisacly attacking me so i moved out.... -.-"
I have forgiven my dad as he did try his best to help me as good as he could do but i honestly can never forgive my brother and mum.Health Question & Answer
I have forgiven my dad as he did try his best to help me as good as he could do but i honestly can never forgive my brother and mum.Health Question & Answer
As you have seen first hand life can have some very bad bumps but You cannot live your future by the past. It is time to move into a new place in your life and quit wondering WHAT IF.( NOTHING) ever stays the same!!Except your outlook so find new hobbies a new line of work get involved with some sort of charity it makes you humble and helps you see just how terrible others have it and it makes you appreciate how precious life is and your blessings it also gives you a sense of worth and that there are better things to do with your life than waste it on your past.Get into church and it will amaze you with a new perspective on life.
Take Care
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Take Care
Health Question & Answer
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope I can reassure you that there is help and things can get better and you can recover. See a licensed mental health professional. You've been through a really traumatic few years, but with help you can put yourself back together and find some of the joy you once had. The old, happier you is still there, buried under all the other painful things. You just have to work through the bad stuff to uncover her. It won't happen over night, but it will happen. Good luck.Health Question & Answer