Was it rape.................?!
Question: Was it rape..................?
Ok, back in February, i got drunk with a few friends.
and there was this guy there, and we went into this empty room and started talking, then one thing led to another, i didn't say no, but i also didn't want to. i was only 15, and he was 20 something.
i don't know anymore. it has changed me so much.
no one knows about, people know we had sex, but not that i didn't want it. i'm so ashamed to tell anyone, because it was my first time, but i also didn't want it.
I dunno if i should tell someone.
no i'm not lying, or trying to get attention, it's just lately it's been bothering me so much.
please and thanks for any helpHealth Question & Answer
and there was this guy there, and we went into this empty room and started talking, then one thing led to another, i didn't say no, but i also didn't want to. i was only 15, and he was 20 something.
i don't know anymore. it has changed me so much.
no one knows about, people know we had sex, but not that i didn't want it. i'm so ashamed to tell anyone, because it was my first time, but i also didn't want it.
I dunno if i should tell someone.
no i'm not lying, or trying to get attention, it's just lately it's been bothering me so much.
please and thanks for any helpHealth Question & Answer
Answers:
Well, yes, here's why. You are, or were at the time, 15, and he was two years into being an adult. The reason this is illegal is because consensual sex can NOT occur between two people who are not peers. Simply because of the difference in your ages, and the fact that you are a child, is reason enough for this to be considered non-consensual sex. To put this in perspective, say the guy is 23, or 8 years older than you. Now imagine talking someone 8 years younger than you into having sex with you. Now do you understand.? Are you angry yet.? In addition, people who are not sober are not considered qualified to consent to sex.
You may have thought that it was fun to have this older man be attracted to you, or you may have been too embarrassed or scared to say no or cry for help. But I want you to understand that when he saw you, he saw a girl he knew he could victimize. He knew you were underage whether you think you looked 'old enough' or not. He chatted you up, saw you were drunk, or even got you drunk enough, lured you to a private room where there would be no witnesses to his crime, and raped you.
If you know who he is, you can go to the police, and file a police report. There will be an investigation, and you are going to have to weigh whether it is more important to you to suffer through the investigation and the embarrassing questions you will be asked, plus having your parents know what happened - and the reason you would go through all this is because men like him look for girls like you to take advantage of, and you weren't the first, and you won't be the last, unless you stop him. Even if he isn't convicted, he will still have a taste of what his life might have been like.
Or, you can choose to move on. Whatever direction you choose, you should probably seek some counseling. You can look in the blue pages of your phone book and there is usually a rape victim hot line to call, and they can hook you up with something more long-term.
Now, a word of advice Most rapes occur just like yours did. Girls, and even women go out and drink, or smoke some pot, or do other drugs, and then when they are drunk or stoned, they don't make good decisions. Sometimes, someone slips something into their drink, and they don't even realize what has happened. It's possible that something like that happened to you, which is why you didn't say no, even though you didn't want to have sex.
Another possibility is that you are a very young girl, and you simply didn't feel like you had permission to tell someone that old no, or you were just embarrassed about the whole thing. Either way - whether you were drugged, or out of your league, it's still rape.
So, if you want to stay safe - NEVER go to parties and get drunk. First off, don't drink, you're too damn young. But if you do, have one, and always keep it under your control and within your view. Do NOT let people serve you alcohol. Just don't do drugs of any kind - you never know what you're getting.
When you do go out, go out with a couple of female friends, and make a pact that you will all look out for each other. If one of you gets drunk, take her home - your night is over. Promise to help keep each other safe. This remains true even when you are an adult.
When you date, don't date alone. Don't ever, ever go home with anyone you don't know very well, and yes, that rule applies into adulthood as well. It isn't because you are a child, though it is doubly important then, it is simply smart behavior.
You found out the hard way that rape happens when you engage in risky behavior. So, don't engage in risky behavior, and don't let your friends do it either.
You don't mention if you were a virgin at the time, but if you were, I want you to know one thing. Virginity is a gift that was bestowed upon you to give away to a person of your choosing. Gifts can ONLY be given, they can not be stolen. So if you were a virgin prior to the rape, you still are now. Nobody teaches people that, and it is something every girl should know. Most girls, once raped, figure they are 'spoiled goods' or, as a friend of my put it "I was going to have sex whether I wanted to or not, so I might as well just do it." But neither of those things are true.
Rape isn't your fault, but you have been given a mind, body and spirit, and you do other things to keep them healthy. You brush your teeth, and eat, and go to the doctor when you get sick. It is also wise to take care of yourself by being cautious. So, take care of yourself by having friends along who care about you and will help you if you get in trouble.
One more thing about reporting the rape. I don't think either choice is right or wrong. But I do know that if you choose to report it, while you will suffer embarrassment and shame (that is misplaced), you will also find out who your friends are. So be prepared to lose some and gain some. If you report, and people ask or talk aboHealth Question & Answer
You may have thought that it was fun to have this older man be attracted to you, or you may have been too embarrassed or scared to say no or cry for help. But I want you to understand that when he saw you, he saw a girl he knew he could victimize. He knew you were underage whether you think you looked 'old enough' or not. He chatted you up, saw you were drunk, or even got you drunk enough, lured you to a private room where there would be no witnesses to his crime, and raped you.
If you know who he is, you can go to the police, and file a police report. There will be an investigation, and you are going to have to weigh whether it is more important to you to suffer through the investigation and the embarrassing questions you will be asked, plus having your parents know what happened - and the reason you would go through all this is because men like him look for girls like you to take advantage of, and you weren't the first, and you won't be the last, unless you stop him. Even if he isn't convicted, he will still have a taste of what his life might have been like.
Or, you can choose to move on. Whatever direction you choose, you should probably seek some counseling. You can look in the blue pages of your phone book and there is usually a rape victim hot line to call, and they can hook you up with something more long-term.
Now, a word of advice Most rapes occur just like yours did. Girls, and even women go out and drink, or smoke some pot, or do other drugs, and then when they are drunk or stoned, they don't make good decisions. Sometimes, someone slips something into their drink, and they don't even realize what has happened. It's possible that something like that happened to you, which is why you didn't say no, even though you didn't want to have sex.
Another possibility is that you are a very young girl, and you simply didn't feel like you had permission to tell someone that old no, or you were just embarrassed about the whole thing. Either way - whether you were drugged, or out of your league, it's still rape.
So, if you want to stay safe - NEVER go to parties and get drunk. First off, don't drink, you're too damn young. But if you do, have one, and always keep it under your control and within your view. Do NOT let people serve you alcohol. Just don't do drugs of any kind - you never know what you're getting.
When you do go out, go out with a couple of female friends, and make a pact that you will all look out for each other. If one of you gets drunk, take her home - your night is over. Promise to help keep each other safe. This remains true even when you are an adult.
When you date, don't date alone. Don't ever, ever go home with anyone you don't know very well, and yes, that rule applies into adulthood as well. It isn't because you are a child, though it is doubly important then, it is simply smart behavior.
You found out the hard way that rape happens when you engage in risky behavior. So, don't engage in risky behavior, and don't let your friends do it either.
You don't mention if you were a virgin at the time, but if you were, I want you to know one thing. Virginity is a gift that was bestowed upon you to give away to a person of your choosing. Gifts can ONLY be given, they can not be stolen. So if you were a virgin prior to the rape, you still are now. Nobody teaches people that, and it is something every girl should know. Most girls, once raped, figure they are 'spoiled goods' or, as a friend of my put it "I was going to have sex whether I wanted to or not, so I might as well just do it." But neither of those things are true.
Rape isn't your fault, but you have been given a mind, body and spirit, and you do other things to keep them healthy. You brush your teeth, and eat, and go to the doctor when you get sick. It is also wise to take care of yourself by being cautious. So, take care of yourself by having friends along who care about you and will help you if you get in trouble.
One more thing about reporting the rape. I don't think either choice is right or wrong. But I do know that if you choose to report it, while you will suffer embarrassment and shame (that is misplaced), you will also find out who your friends are. So be prepared to lose some and gain some. If you report, and people ask or talk aboHealth Question & Answer
Technically according to state laws since he is above 18 and you are only 15 it is "statuatory rape". The fact that you were "drunk" and he took advantage of the situation also would be considered rape by the law. That being said it is not uncommon to feel this way after your first time, especially with someone you barely know. Talk to someone you can trust about the situation and if you really feel like you were forced into having sex go to the authorities but be assured they will prosecute this man due to the fact that you are underage and alcohol was involved.
If you choose not to report this, just learn from this situation and try to make better choices in the future regarding alcohol. Remember you are in control of your own body and you have to stand up for yourself. Good luck!Health Question & Answer
If you choose not to report this, just learn from this situation and try to make better choices in the future regarding alcohol. Remember you are in control of your own body and you have to stand up for yourself. Good luck!Health Question & Answer
To be honest I wouldn't call it rape as you didn't actually tell him to stop. However you are underage and he is a lot older, he has taken advantage of a young, drunk girl and this guy needs punishing!! You really need to talk to someone, a friend, relative, teacher someone who can do something about this man!Health Question & Answer
Yes it was rape.
If you didn't want to have sex you should have stopped it.
You can always press charges against him
This will effect you mentally for the rest of your life.
you deserve justice.
I suggest you go to your counselor and talk abotu this.
Don't be ashamed.
No one thinks you want attention.
This is serious.
If you want to chat you can always email me.
Good luck sweety
Take careHealth Question & Answer
If you didn't want to have sex you should have stopped it.
You can always press charges against him
This will effect you mentally for the rest of your life.
you deserve justice.
I suggest you go to your counselor and talk abotu this.
Don't be ashamed.
No one thinks you want attention.
This is serious.
If you want to chat you can always email me.
Good luck sweety
Take careHealth Question & Answer
Yes, it's rape. Statutory rape. Kind of a tough situation cause you were drinking underage so that's a slap in the hands for you too. But if you feel like it's really bothering you then yes by all means talk to someone. A friend first and then work it out together. If not parents. Good luck. You are not alone and there are people who love you and care for you. Health Question & Answer
you were a drunk minor and you didn't say no. it is illegal for him to have sex with you but with a good enough lawyer he will just walk away from all the charges if you do anything.
also you have to make sure it would be worth telling your parents and friends about it...Health Question & Answer
also you have to make sure it would be worth telling your parents and friends about it...Health Question & Answer
Precisely why 15yr olds shouldn't be drinking. A 20 yr old with 15 is statutory rape. Please take some advice here and learn to stand up for yourself. That inner voice in you is there for a reason. Listen to it when something doesn't feel right. Should you tell someone.? What does your gut tell you.?Health Question & Answer
it is considered statutory rape !
you could press charges because you are a minor.
and he will get introuble for it now.
and especially if you regret doing it, or didn't want to !
if i were you id tell your parents and they would know what to do.Health Question & Answer
you could press charges because you are a minor.
and he will get introuble for it now.
and especially if you regret doing it, or didn't want to !
if i were you id tell your parents and they would know what to do.Health Question & Answer
having sex with someone when they are unable to make a proper decision (ig when your drunk) is rape. also seeing as your 15 and hes over 18 that is considered rape any way. Health Question & Answer
well rape is considered forced sexual intercourse. im not a rape expert or anything but your case sounds a little like date rape. also i would definatly tell some one. it helps alot when you get things off your chest. Health Question & Answer
Well, due to most state laws it is rape.
But age aside, you didn't say no.. yet your were drunk. You were drunk, but 15. See, there's so many angles you can look at this with.
Either you can see it as you're an irresponsible teenager that got drunk and had sex you regretted later, which is pretty common.
Or you're a minor and were taken advantage of by an older man.
I'm not trying to be rude by calling you irresponsible, but that's how people are going to look at it.
Actually, I'm pretty sorry that was your first time. :(
I lost my virginity at 15, too.. but I was with someone I ended up dating for almost 3 years.Health Question & Answer
But age aside, you didn't say no.. yet your were drunk. You were drunk, but 15. See, there's so many angles you can look at this with.
Either you can see it as you're an irresponsible teenager that got drunk and had sex you regretted later, which is pretty common.
Or you're a minor and were taken advantage of by an older man.
I'm not trying to be rude by calling you irresponsible, but that's how people are going to look at it.
Actually, I'm pretty sorry that was your first time. :(
I lost my virginity at 15, too.. but I was with someone I ended up dating for almost 3 years.Health Question & Answer
I don't want to lecture you, but must say that you should not be drinking, let alone getting drunk, at the age of 15. Yes, I tried it at 15 too and now know that it was wrong.
That said, hon, you didn't say NO. So you can not blame the guy. If the little angel on your shoulder was saying NO, you should have said no. You can't unring a bell. Once it is done, you can't go back, just forward.
The best thing you can do now, is forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and this is not the only one you will make before your reach adulthood. Just get on with your life and try to make better decisions in the future.
Health Question & Answer
That said, hon, you didn't say NO. So you can not blame the guy. If the little angel on your shoulder was saying NO, you should have said no. You can't unring a bell. Once it is done, you can't go back, just forward.
The best thing you can do now, is forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and this is not the only one you will make before your reach adulthood. Just get on with your life and try to make better decisions in the future.
Health Question & Answer
Well, sure it is considered that. But look at it this way, dwelling on the situation is probably goinf to make it worse in yuor own mind. Sure he was a grimey dude, and thats messed up, and he's a pathetic, sick f**k for screwing "little girls" (no offense). But, nothing you can do is going to change what is in the past.
Like was already mentioned, just try to forgive yourself. I have done things that have essentially ruined my life before when I was drunk. But the fact remains that I wouldn't have done it sober. The best thing that you can do is use this as a learning experience, and then it's not all bad. Just remember that there are plenty of peopel out there in the world that just wanna stick it in you.
Do whatever you wish, press charges, tell people. But, before you do, realize how it is going to make you feel personally when you publicize that you were drunk and screwed some dude. Sure, if I was drunk and randomly screwed some girl (And I mean someone at least 20! I'm 25) no matter what unless it was forced somehow, all I could do is chalk it up as a loss.
If you expected your first time to be something special, with some dude from a fairy tale or something... you expected too much. Mine was with someone's girlfriend, I was drunk, either way its just sex. Once you have enough you'll probably realize that one time out of thousands isnt a very big deal :)
There isn't anything you can do to take back what already happened, but there's no reason why it legitimately changes anything in your life, unless he used force.Health Question & Answer
Like was already mentioned, just try to forgive yourself. I have done things that have essentially ruined my life before when I was drunk. But the fact remains that I wouldn't have done it sober. The best thing that you can do is use this as a learning experience, and then it's not all bad. Just remember that there are plenty of peopel out there in the world that just wanna stick it in you.
Do whatever you wish, press charges, tell people. But, before you do, realize how it is going to make you feel personally when you publicize that you were drunk and screwed some dude. Sure, if I was drunk and randomly screwed some girl (And I mean someone at least 20! I'm 25) no matter what unless it was forced somehow, all I could do is chalk it up as a loss.
If you expected your first time to be something special, with some dude from a fairy tale or something... you expected too much. Mine was with someone's girlfriend, I was drunk, either way its just sex. Once you have enough you'll probably realize that one time out of thousands isnt a very big deal :)
There isn't anything you can do to take back what already happened, but there's no reason why it legitimately changes anything in your life, unless he used force.Health Question & Answer
I guess you can look at it in a number of ways. Yes he is much older than you so yes it is statutory rape. My advice and let me remind you I am not a professional just a mom. You do need to talk to someone and not keep this to yourself if you do I am so afraid of what it could do to your mental well being later. I am not going to judge you or him everybody make bad decisions in life. Before pressing charges on anyone though please think long and hard of what this will do to every ones life involved. If you really don't think there was anything intentionally done wrong to hurt you then don't ruin his life because you would ruin his life. He would be posted on a sex offender website for life and think about that is that fair to ruin a persons life for a dumb mistake.? I only ask you to give serious consideration to all parties involved. But first and foremost get your own mental help.Health Question & Answer