What is it about unavailable men that makes them so attractive?!


Question: What is it about unavailable men that makes them so attractive.?
Time for another q from me :)

Basically I am referring to a guy I was with for a very brief period (3 dates) a loooong time ago (7yrs ) but he was my first lover in the physical sense so no matter what I do I will remember him (dammit!). He was cheating on either his wife or girlfriend at the time with me (I found out and ended it - hence the 3 dates only!) - I'm not sure if they were married then or if they married afterwards but they are now - plus their child was born around the time he cheated with me. So I was pretty hurt by it all, him being my first etc But I just let it go at the time as I knew that I'd been played and nothing would change that.

What I wanted to ask was - I know intellectually that no guy is a perfect man for any girl. But in my mind this guy seems to have all the attractive features a girl (like me) could want: he's cute and scruffy and hardworking and knows how to fix things and be practical, he earns mega $$ and buys and sells property for $mils, he's not educated but very clever and makes good decisions, he's now probably quite the faithful family man after he 'sowed his seeds' with me, he's close with his family and has great friends, and he is funny and lighthearted most of the time, but quiet and brooding when upset about something and he loves to have fun!

I found out most of that about him in the short time we had together and recently a friend told me some more she knew of him (ie he's married to the gf/wife still etc). And although I have since married my best friend and lover who seems to just fit me, I can't stop being hurt by him and thinking how great he and his wife seem to have it. Like she got this guy who has it all, and I was just a stepping stone.

I'll try to make my question clearer :) - why does he appear to be such a 'good catch' to me.? I know he probably has problems like everyone else but why is it that he seems to be such a good package.? Is it because I couldn't have him.?

Please don't assume I don't love or want to cheat on my husband - that is not the case:) This is just to do with me:)Health Question & Answer


Answers:
Your first 'love' will always be the strongest thats normal. You sound like you are looking for all the right things about him and miserably missing all the other things. Stop building him up, he's not perfect - I'll bet he has numerous faults (we all do) you just weren't with him long enough to see them.

The fact that you mention money and how much he makes is not a positive. The best people in the world aren't rich in wealth but rich in soul, experience and their nature. (Thats not to say that rich people can't be nice too!) Come on, stop putting yourself in the victim role of being the 'stepping stone' this is a normal part of our growth as a human. You don't just date one person, marry them and die with them. We all date numerous people and from each one we learn a little bit more about ourselves.

Move on, don't play the victim in your head and accept that it was what it was - a fling for him and just a few dates for you. You too 'have it all' - you have a man who loves you.Health Question & Answer

Its the 'Forbidden Fruit' syndrome.Health Question & Answer



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