Sex Surrogate. How do you feel about this?!
Question: Sex Surrogate. How do you feel about this.?
I had thought about asking this question in the past and felt that I would get bashed and not get treated with understanding. I had many surgeries over the past 8 years and as a result, I have not functioned normally. My doctors are not sure if it's nerve damage or psychological or both. I had my prostate removed (nearly all of it (TURP, which is coring out the prostate leaving only the outer part of the prostate). And I also had both testicles removed due to injury, but i'm on testosterone replacements. I should be about to function, but I have not had an orgasm since the prostate removal. I was told that I will lose the ejaculation and have retrograde ejaculation (nothing comes out, but it should still feel good and I was told that it actually goes bake into my bladder. It's been 3 years and it has not returned,no matter how much i want to. I'm married and I don't have sex anymore because it is too hard for her to not see me feel an orgasm. I wound not fake it. I don't and can't. My psychiatrist had told me to see a sex therapist, but that wasn't helpful. A year ago, I have been seeing a sex surrogate and yes, bit my wife and doctor approve. The surrogate has worked with me and slowly helped me unblock my sexual blocks and has worked on body work and yes, it includes hand masturbation on me. I have the option of having normal sex with her, but I have not done that yet. I have lots of problems feeling pleasure and not even come close to an orgasm. Regardless on how much we had tried in one year.
My question is, do you think it's wrong to do this. I do have permission for this and my therapy sessions with the surrogate is very open and honest and at the same time we have respected each other and it is very controlled and professional. I want to hear from both men and women on this. Please do not submit disrespectful answers. I do respect both sides of this issue. I just want to know what people feel.Health Question & Answer
My question is, do you think it's wrong to do this. I do have permission for this and my therapy sessions with the surrogate is very open and honest and at the same time we have respected each other and it is very controlled and professional. I want to hear from both men and women on this. Please do not submit disrespectful answers. I do respect both sides of this issue. I just want to know what people feel.Health Question & Answer
Answers:
This is an interesting question.... don't ask me why I even read it. As I read the question I became even more curious.
Now this is coming from a woman's persoective & a bit older.
As a wouman, I would prefer that you/we used/tried all methods before we gave up on sex or that part of intimacy - but keep reading ;-). If you talked openly regarding how it felt both mentally physically, and she was allowed to share her feelings as well, that would probably keep all the negative feelings at bay. Perhaps you and her can work on the fact that she only wants to orgasm if you orgasm. She can learn that you can be happy sometimes just seeing her orgasm, via oral, toys or other methods (at least that has been what I have found with men who can't orgasm more than once a night). You both sound like you love one another, so perhaps BOTH of you learning to adapt, should be the goal. Health Question & Answer
Now this is coming from a woman's persoective & a bit older.
As a wouman, I would prefer that you/we used/tried all methods before we gave up on sex or that part of intimacy - but keep reading ;-). If you talked openly regarding how it felt both mentally physically, and she was allowed to share her feelings as well, that would probably keep all the negative feelings at bay. Perhaps you and her can work on the fact that she only wants to orgasm if you orgasm. She can learn that you can be happy sometimes just seeing her orgasm, via oral, toys or other methods (at least that has been what I have found with men who can't orgasm more than once a night). You both sound like you love one another, so perhaps BOTH of you learning to adapt, should be the goal. Health Question & Answer
I would never do real sex, hand jobs are ok. Even if your wife says its ok, she really dosent want you going and making love with somebody else, no matter how honest it is.Health Question & Answer
"Wrong" is a very subjective word. What does it matter what any third party thinks.? (I'm not trying to be facetious here.)
If you and your wife (with input from your therapist) have discussed this and you both feel it's the right path to take to help you work on regaining "control," for lack of a better word, over your sexuality and sexual pleasure, then that's really all that matters.
Third party ideas of "right" and "wrong" are just so much white noise.
Were I, personally, in a similar position with my partner I would hope I'd be able to maintain objectivity in order to get him the assistance/help he needed to once again enjoy the sexual aspect of our relationship. I can't comment as to what my state of mind might be in such a situation, however, because I haven't experienced it.
I wish you and your wife the best. Health Question & Answer
If you and your wife (with input from your therapist) have discussed this and you both feel it's the right path to take to help you work on regaining "control," for lack of a better word, over your sexuality and sexual pleasure, then that's really all that matters.
Third party ideas of "right" and "wrong" are just so much white noise.
Were I, personally, in a similar position with my partner I would hope I'd be able to maintain objectivity in order to get him the assistance/help he needed to once again enjoy the sexual aspect of our relationship. I can't comment as to what my state of mind might be in such a situation, however, because I haven't experienced it.
I wish you and your wife the best. Health Question & Answer
You have an interesting question.. How could it be wrong if you and your wife both approve.? The only thing that would make it wrong is if you felt it was disrespectful to your wife, unhealthly to your wife, or both. I find it odd that you would withhold sex from your wife simply because she wants to feel you have an orgasm. Oral is still a very real method and should be enjoyable for both of you.
Just wondering.. how do you find a sex surrogate and does your insurance company pay for that.?Health Question & Answer
Just wondering.. how do you find a sex surrogate and does your insurance company pay for that.?Health Question & Answer