IV BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, and cant tell my bf :(?!


Question: IV BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, and cant tell my bf :(.?
i have 2 problems really, one of them fairly big and is constantly on my mind :( please help. im 13 and my bf 16 in 2 months, i really like him but lately i think he's gettin really frustrated wiht me. before like id let him finger me and thats as far as its gone, but recently i went to oceana on a under18s night. its a club and a few of my friends were going, we had a bit a drink before we got there, so arrived fairly drunk. i was wearin a very small tu-tu as was alot of other girls. i remember dancing for a while, then some guys came over and started dancing with me and my friends. one put his arms around me and we were dancing for a bit when he moved his hand between my legs. i grabbed his hand and lk tried to move it, but he wouldnt. and i tried to pull away but grabbed me with his other hand. so i started to walk backwards tryin to get away from him but he just pushed me against a wall with him hand still touching me and my hand still tryin to get him off. i started screaming at him to stop it but the music was loud and my head was spinning from the drink. he pushed himself right up against me so nobody could see. i tried with all my mite to push him off but he was to strong. he started like kissing my neck while still rubbing me, and i started cryin because he wasnt listenin. he saw that i was cryin and pulled himself away a bit, so i slumped to the floor. its hard to explain really as i cant remember that much, but i was sat with my back against the wall and my legs bent while still cryin. he bent down next to me and started touching up my top. i didnt understand why he wouldnt leave me alone so i tried to push him off and get up but he had hold of my arm, and once again he but his hand between my legs, but forced his finger inside me. i wouldnt say it was really painful but as i wasnt really wet it did hurt a small bit. i dont know how long he was doing it but i remember some older girls i didnt know pushing him off and shouting at him, then picking me up and took me to one of the bouncers. thats my first problem, i cant stop thinking about it, and just wish i hadnt drank and then maybe i could have stopped him, i feel as if its my fault. i havnt told any1 except my 2 closest friends i think my mum would go mad at me for drinkin, its really gettin me down as i dont want to go out any more and dont even want to drink :( . my second problem is now i hate it when my boyfriend touches me coz hes at like that age where all his mates are having sex i know he relly wants it, but the second his hands reach my vagina i get upset and feel sick. hes asked me whats wrong but i dont want to tell him as i was dancing with the other boy and think he might end it but i love him lodes. i cant go on like this as its coming between us :(
pleaseeee help me xHealth Question & Answer


Answers:
OK sweetheart take a big breath and stay calm. First and foremost you need to talk to your mum. Now we mums do sometimes get upset (it goes with the territory - we protect our young) but she would be more upset to think that you wouldn't speak to her because you were drunk. Your young and young people experiment - that is how you grow and learn and no decent mother is going to hold that against you in these circumstances.

Now the assault - you need to talk to mum and then go to the police. They are there to help you not judge you so although this is a very scary thing to do you must do this. It's hard I know but just think how you would feel if you don't report this and he does this again thinking that his behaviour is OK. It's not and he needs to be stopped. The fact that you were drunk is not an excuse in any way - you said NO and that is that. No means no and he can't claim innocence due to your state.

You and your mum need to seek professional help from a sexual assault counsellor and you need to be nice to yourself, this is in no way your fault. I realise that you feel guilty and the longer you keep thinking about it the worse this feeling becomes but it isn't a valid emotion. You did nothing wrong so stop beating yourself up about this but this is so easy for anyone to say so you will need help to work through this.

As for the boyfriend the decision as to whether to tell him or not is one you should be very comfortable with as you don't need any sign of rejection at this time. Talk to the counsellor first and then when you feel ready you may talk to him then. Remember that if he does end it because you are having a hard time then he truly isn't the sort of person you should be with. You are only 13 yo so sex is something you should be putting off for a long time yet and if your bf is a nice guy he will understand that - don't ever agree to do something just to keep someones affection. You cheat no-one but yourself.

You will get through this, you will survive totally intact mentally and you will stop thinking about this all the time but only with good professional help. Talk to your mum - we (mum's)are good people too. Good luck.Health Question & Answer

I was sexually assaulted by my own father more then once.
You just have to understand that it is not your fault.
If you are 13, you shouldnt be involved with someone so much older and if you bf doenst understand that you dont want to have sex then I think you should dump him if he pushes you.Health Question & Answer

report it to the police most likely the jerk still gos there and you can pick him out.Health Question & Answer

Uh Honey, you need to get help! REPORT THE INCIDENT!! Not to your boyfriend but to the police!!! ....Health Question & Answer

uhhh yea go to the POLICE not your boyfriendHealth Question & Answer

Um, okay. First: YOU. ARE. 13. You do NOT need to be dating a sixteen year old guy that you're letting finger you. For God's sake, I'm 14 and I've never even had a real boyfriend. And you do NOT need to be drinking. And you do NOT need to be dancing with other guys when you already have a boyfriend. I hate to say this to you, considering what you've been through, but this is all karma. You've broken he law, and now it's coming back to haunt you.

And finally: ACT YOUR AGE!Health Question & Answer

Are you sure you're only 13.?.? WTH were you doing in a place like that.?.?.? Kiddo, open your eyes and change your lifestyle... you're not going to end well if you keep going down this path.

Second, of course you'll feel uncomfortable when your boyfriend touches you. He apparently only wants sex and he's not going to get it from you, that's why he's so frustrated. Christ, and your boyfriend's a kid as well... what's wrong with people these days.?

Eventually you'll tell your boyfriend about this incident, just don't until you're ready. And don't be too worried about your mom being angry because you were drinking, she'll be more concerned about what that guy did to you. Your boyfriend is the least of your problems, dearieHealth Question & Answer

Sweet heart first off its not your fault you made a mistake and yeah you prob shouldnt have drank. But mistakes happen. This guy should have went to jail for molestation. Really if you ever go with guys u dont know then u should always stick with freinds. First thing ya need to do is talk to your boy freind if he truely cares then he will be very upset for a while but hell understand. If he dont then you can do better but the fact is you gotta tell him or your gonna lose him because your gonna keep flustrating him. As far as you thinking about it all the time getting it off ur chest might help. You also might need to seek pysc help if you cant ever get it outta your had. Health Question & Answer

Tell your bf, is he is worth anything, he will understand, and if he pressures you to have sex, then hes not worth it, so yeah. tell the cops, and just dont drink. tell your bf your not ready or whatever, and dont worry. if that guy in the club acts like that again, he'll be fingered too. except by some big gay black guy named bubba in jail. peace. you can talk to me for some more advice.Health Question & Answer

You really need to tell an adult, and you do need to tell your boyfriend. You need to be honest and you can't hide things. He should be understanding - if not, that's a mistake. He shouldn't pressure you into anything sexual, and if you're losing your relationship over this already, what do you really have to lose.? Tell your mom. Everyone might be a little mad at you at first, but there's a bigger issue here.
I really hope you get through this hard time okay.Health Question & Answer

Report it too the police, Unless you want that guy too get away with hurting other girls just like he hurt you. You will not get in trouble for under-age drinking when your reporting sexual assult.
I suggest you tell your mother, Shes your mother and will love you no matter what... She can help you, and asmuch as you think shes just going too blow off her head at you for drinking, I doubt that will be the first thing she does, She cares about you.. She gave birth too you. She will be the support you need. Than, I really think you should tell your boyfriend. try not too sob have your mother with you.. That way he will understand why its so hard for you too be touched now, and the sudden change.

I was sexually abused when i was 12, It was the most embaressing thing id ever had happen too me, I didnt tell anyone and he ended up doing the same thing too my 8 year old cousin.. How guilty i felt than for not saying anything. He's put away now though. When me and my now boyfriend first got together, Id had sex with another before him.. But i was still frightened and i would burst into tears just as it was "happening". I told him straight away, and he fully understood he took things slowly and waited patiently for me.

Your boyfriend will understand, First things first though either tell your mother than report it with her support. Or report it first!

Do something.Health Question & Answer

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! Thank you for sharing your story. Call to talk to somone at Raiin A Sexual Assult/Rape Hotline. This is a hotline you can call 1.800.656.HOPE it is free and confidential. They can help you. You CAN do it. Health Question & Answer

oh sweetie!!!
i am sososososososooooooooo sorry that this happened to you!
listen it was wrong for you to drink you are underage
but what that guy did was wrong very very wrong!
you need to tell someone
if you are afraid to tell your mom then tell her your sick
and go to the doctor and tell them or a counselor
you need to tell an adult
someome who can help you
this is a tough thing to go through and
you might have a hard time telling your boyfriend
but if you really love him you can explain that you made a mistake
dancing with with that guy but now your upset cause he did this
and if your boyfriend loves you he will understand and he won't be
sexually frustrated with you
but if not just tell him that you can't right now
and you need him to understand without questioning it
please talk to someone! not just your friends i mean thats good
ask one of your friends to go with you if your nervous
but tell them that you have to tell someone
and let them hold you accountable
but please honey tell someone!
don't keep this to yourself
good luckHealth Question & Answer

First thing's first: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Even if you were drinking and having fun, there is no excuse for another person to make you feel uncomfortable like that, and there's no excuse for a jerk off to do something like that to a girl when she's pushing him away.

I think it's great that your two friends know, but I also think that it's important that you tell your mom, and your boyfriend. I know that won't be easy, but they can both help support you, and it will help them understand where you're coming from. Especially with your boyfriend, I'm sure he would be accepting and understanding if he knows that you trust him enough to share this with him, as it is a big thing that happened for you. Health Question & Answer

One word. Police. You can't keep on like this. You nee to tell the truth and get this guy off the street. At the end of the day, you were assaulted. No matter if you had a little to drink. No matter if you danced a little. You were SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. You need to tell someone. A doctor, a policewoman/man, your mum, your boyfriend. He'll understand if you tell him. You have more chance of him breakin up with you if he thinks your hiding things from him. Tell him. If he really likes you he'll understand. A good boyfriend will stick by you. But please. Go to the police and tell someone for your own good.Health Question & Answer

First off, you can try to protect yourself a bit more in the future by not making yourself vulnerable. You are not to blame for what happened to you, but you bear responsibility for keeping yourself safe.
Secondly, this guy is too old for you, but if you really think you love him and want to stay with him, then you have to tell him...otherwise it will just drive a wedge between you. If he loves you he will understand and support you.
Thirdly, time heals all wounds, but counseling heals them faster. You were victimized, and yes it could have been much worse...but if you ever want to be comfortable with a man putting his hand down there again, you have to work through it in counseling.Health Question & Answer

Why can't you tell your boyfriend.? That is what he is there for isn't he.? Anyways, I URGE you to take everyone's advice on here. PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THE POLICE! Not tomorrow. Not in an hour. Not when you feel better. NOW!Health Question & Answer

you need to tell someone that is an adult. call the police and tell them, tell a teacher or conselor at school, tell your mom/dad/aunt/uncle. you need to tell. If your boyfriend gets mad then **** him. he's too old for you anyway. This is NOT your fault. you didnt ask for him to do that to you. You are aloud to go out and have fun and not be assaulted. You need to tell someone or call an emergency number. then you need to go to therapy and get your life back on track, obviously you are having some major problems. i wish you luck.Health Question & Answer



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