Have i ruined this forever?!
Question: Have i ruined this forever.?
I am 25 and my husband is 28, we have been married for 4 years. I am crazy about him in every way as is he. About 2 months ago i made the biggest mistake of my life, i had a one night stand.I have been under a lot of stress lately as my dad is being released from jail & wants to be part of my life(he is very dangerous) i don't want anything to do with him and i lost a baby in September. I told my husband about it myself & he let rip at me which is understandable he also hit me across the face in a act of rage(his only time to do it) but said he never wants to lose me. I have been regretting it & kicking myself over it & am doing everything to win his trust back. He can bearly touch me anymore & wont hold my hand let alone have a proper conversation with me if is does say something to me he yells, although he still sleeps with me when he feels like it. If he cant even talk to me then why is he sleeping with me.? He is the only stable man i have in my life as my dad has been in jail since i was a child & my mother died of an overdose when i was 16, so he has always been there for me and i owe him everything, i need him. i have taking full responsibility for what i have done.
Thank you in advanceHealth Question & Answer
Thank you in advanceHealth Question & Answer
Answers:
Trust ... is a very fragile thing.
This is sage advice from a friend who knows what you should do.
NEVER, and I mean N E V E R, bring this up again.
If he brings it up, listen to him. Let him vent and get it out of his system. Don't apologize anymore. Don't excuse it. Don't ask him what you can do to make it up to him. Don't say ANYTHING, unless he brings it up. Behave in the way that good wives do - make his favorite dinner, love him up when he gets home from work, bring him some tea (or whatever he likes) late in the evening before bed, tell him that you love him, and that you love being his wife at surprising little times ... just be his woman, and let him get past it. You know him better than anyone, and humor is really important, too, so if you can make him laugh somehow, that might help to break the ice and ease the tension.
He still sleeps with you because men need sex, and you're the only one he wants to have sex with (lucky you). See, the thing about cheating is ... now, when he thinks about you, he doesn't think about sex with HIM and YOU. He thinks about you, but he sees you with this OTHER guy on top of you, he wonders if it was good, if the other guy turned you on, if he was bigger, how you did it, what positions, how many times you did it, if you liked it, if you didn't like it, if you loved him, if you think about the guy now, if you want to be with him instead now, if he calls you when he's not around ... This is how men's minds work. He loves you, yea ... but you broke his trust, and you broke his heart.
The fact that he didn't outright leave you is a good sign. The fact that he sleeps with you is also a good sign. Apart from what I suggested above, the best way to get past this and put it behind you is to give him time, and keep proving over and over that you are worthy of his trust and devotion. Don't ask me how much time. Don't ask him how much time. It takes as long as it takes, and every day that you squirm wondering how much longer you'll have to pay for this ... well, think of that as your penance. Be happy that you have penance to pay and be grateful that he isn't gone.
One last suggestion: If he isn't capable of proper conversation, then use non-verbal ways to show him that you still want him (and his hot bod). One of these times when neither of you is in a hurry to get anyplace and he's in the shower, go in there with him and wash his hair for him. Don't say a word ... just start there ...
Best of luck !Health Question & Answer
This is sage advice from a friend who knows what you should do.
NEVER, and I mean N E V E R, bring this up again.
If he brings it up, listen to him. Let him vent and get it out of his system. Don't apologize anymore. Don't excuse it. Don't ask him what you can do to make it up to him. Don't say ANYTHING, unless he brings it up. Behave in the way that good wives do - make his favorite dinner, love him up when he gets home from work, bring him some tea (or whatever he likes) late in the evening before bed, tell him that you love him, and that you love being his wife at surprising little times ... just be his woman, and let him get past it. You know him better than anyone, and humor is really important, too, so if you can make him laugh somehow, that might help to break the ice and ease the tension.
He still sleeps with you because men need sex, and you're the only one he wants to have sex with (lucky you). See, the thing about cheating is ... now, when he thinks about you, he doesn't think about sex with HIM and YOU. He thinks about you, but he sees you with this OTHER guy on top of you, he wonders if it was good, if the other guy turned you on, if he was bigger, how you did it, what positions, how many times you did it, if you liked it, if you didn't like it, if you loved him, if you think about the guy now, if you want to be with him instead now, if he calls you when he's not around ... This is how men's minds work. He loves you, yea ... but you broke his trust, and you broke his heart.
The fact that he didn't outright leave you is a good sign. The fact that he sleeps with you is also a good sign. Apart from what I suggested above, the best way to get past this and put it behind you is to give him time, and keep proving over and over that you are worthy of his trust and devotion. Don't ask me how much time. Don't ask him how much time. It takes as long as it takes, and every day that you squirm wondering how much longer you'll have to pay for this ... well, think of that as your penance. Be happy that you have penance to pay and be grateful that he isn't gone.
One last suggestion: If he isn't capable of proper conversation, then use non-verbal ways to show him that you still want him (and his hot bod). One of these times when neither of you is in a hurry to get anyplace and he's in the shower, go in there with him and wash his hair for him. Don't say a word ... just start there ...
Best of luck !Health Question & Answer
U know when a slap happens it's never the last time the more U allow it the more it will happen maybe U think it's justified it's not go to a marriage counselor U both need this thank goodness there are no kids involved yet abuse is never an answer it'll get worseHealth Question & Answer
You should go to marital counseling. I think that's the only way to move past this, if it's even possible. Were you trying to deliberately push your husband away.? Because that's the only way your one night stand makes sense.Health Question & Answer
You cheated on him. He will never see you the same again. but if you really try you can stay with him, but you lost about 75 percent of you happiness and trust just by cheating on him.Health Question & Answer
You just need to get him to talk about what happened and how he feels because if it keeps going like it is now the two of you might not be together very long.
Good luckHealth Question & Answer
Good luckHealth Question & Answer
It's over honey.
You cheated.
He hit you.
Both are the destruction of whatever was before.Health Question & Answer
You cheated.
He hit you.
Both are the destruction of whatever was before.Health Question & Answer
shes right but if u wait it might work outHealth Question & Answer
My heart is sincerely breaking for you...I wish I could give you a hug right now and let you cry your tears away. But since I can't, I will offer the best advice anyone can give anyone. Get connected with your local church, trust me, it wont hurt you. Being invovled with others who care about you ( you will find that at a church too ) will help you out tremendously. You need someone to fall back on, you need support and you need encouragement. And God wants to be that for you, if you let him. You may or may not believe in God, but eiher way- I strongly encourage you to get invovled and learn more. It won't hurt you, it can only help you...My prayers are with you, and I hope everything works out...Health Question & Answer
I'm going to speak from a little experience...I have cheated alot...you don't need to know how many times...just that it is ALOT. I have been with my man for almost five years...we are both 22. I have no clue why I did what I did, but I am still with him. We still love each other very much. I want to work things out. I have worked things out. The hardest thing was building up the trust that I had thrown away. We were engaged and I broke it off. I wish I could take back everything, but we have moved on and will soon be engaged again.Health Question & Answer