Rape - does it leave you feeling insane? (Soz, similar Q just posted but less sp!
Question: I know this is not a message board as such but the rape issue has made me really re-examine why I feel as I do (and several years have passed now) -- rape is so shameful a feeling but has anyone experienced losing their mind after? Dissacociation was a big thing for me, looking back but was the only way I could deal with it without killing myself. Sorry if I distress anyone
I'm not joking, I have mostly got over it but I would so like to hear genuine experiences or thoughtful answers - thanks
Answers:
I had a complete "nervous breakthrough" about 12 years after mine occurred. I recovered with the loving support of an excellent therapist who used the EMDR method of therapy. "Getting over it" was more of re-living it until the mind was able to process it. Trauma gets stuck in the brain, and anything that reminds you of the trauma makes you feel as if you are reliving it. EMDR forces both sides of the brain to work on processing it. Now, to me, thinking about the events is like watching it on an old black and white film- it has no more power in my life.
My breakdown started with vivid nightmares and flashbacks after 2 close friends were raped at gunpoint. It terminated with me sitting outside on the cold ground one night, in the 20 degree air, rocking back and forth on my bare feet sobbing and repeating, "I need somehting, I need somehting, I need something."
Interesting, it was not until I had processed the events, and dealt with them, that I could have an active and caring relationship. I had had plenty of boyfriends, but they all weakened me in some way. I presume I was led to choose men that woudl keep inside a familiar feeling of disempowerment, because that was my comfort zone. I mean, holy ****, the last one, when i had the breakdown, had just admitted to me that he was inviting the neighbors' 8 and 9 year old girls over to his house for sleepovers (in bed with him!) and I was trying to JUSTIFY his behavior (we were livign outside the US where it is somewhat normal for children to share a bed with their parents, or at least a bedroom, for lack of any other space, so this is not as outrageous as it seems).
The kicker was he did not care about my feelings at all. and that was the clue. I had bottled my feelings so much that I did care about them, either. I just picked up and kept going after it happened- first the abortion, then back to high school the next day, pretending nothing was wrong. Tehn to college, and myriad tough jobs. The more it tried to hurt, the harder I worked. We all develop our defenses. the trick is being honest about them.
My advice to you is to elarn to be honest about your feelings. The act of rape affects every woman differently. I would suggest you try EMDR. Nobody knows why it works- just that it DOES. Totally eliminates the effects. It then takes a little time to rebuild afterwards.
Just as an afterthought, my dealing with it, and taking control of my own life again, was the deciding factor that pushed my yearly income level up by $16,000! I was able to be assertive, self-actualizing, loving, accepting of love, and trusting again. I had not fully felt any of these things since I was 16.
Hope this helps. Feel free to contact me if you want someone to talk to off-forum.
hauntedfox1975@yahoo.com
Other Answers:
Rape surely can't leave you feeling more sane, now can it?
I really disassociated my self from sex.It took years to have an orgasm and years to enjoy sex instead of just having sex.I am many years later and now happy and have a family of my own.but you really have to focus on letting yourself recover and letting yourself know you deserve to be happy and start concisely making changes in your day to day to get your self esteem back and really, truly start living!
i "lost my mind" about a year and a half afterwards, when i actually dealt with what had happened.
I was raped and I eventually got over it when I met my boyfriend. It took me about 5 years. I also went crazy. I let all my friends go and put no effort into a relationship for 5 years. It's very traumatic. If I didn't study the locks on the door, I would be dead right now. He was planning on cutting my throat.
I'm always aware that there are people like that in every town and I try to be careful. Yes, I'm a little paranoid after that incident.)(
Oh God, reading all that just scared the hell out of me. I recently got raped and I don't want to have to go through all that but it seems like everyone does. If anyone has any good tips to get through it please IM me them at lp_ladypimp. thanks!
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