How can I deal with this pain with my parents?!
Question: So, I recently ended the unhealthy relationship with the raging borderline who hit me a couple of times. He made threats against me and my family (parents, sisters). So, i, for the first time, told my family of the abuse. my sisters were completely heartbroken and so angry with him. my dad went off on me and told me that this is all my fault. This is really hard to hear. I already think it is my fault for putting myself in that position as his significant other. My friends who know about all this have been supporting me and encouraging me. It is so hard to hear this kind of stuff from the one person in my life that i want so much to please. I'm in my late 20's. When and how can i let this go?
Answers:
you need to sit back down with daddy and let him know that although you may have put yourself in the relationship.. no one has the right to hit another. people always have the option to walk away. tell daddy that even he has made mistakes in his life.. so it is unfair to judge you so harshly. now you have to be more careful in choosing someone.. and you also have to make sure the ex.. is not around watching you. you must stay safe. most importantly.. it is not your fault. now if you seek out the same type of man..again.. then i might blame you. smile. look for the warning signs.. a man who wants to separate you from your family and friends.. a man who wants total control.. a man who is too good to be true. a man who calls you constantly and is jealous over everyone you come in contact with. a man who wants to question everything you have done in life. and remember there is mental .. physical and verbal abuse. do not take it from anyone. good luck
Other Answers:
THANK GOD YOU BROKE OFF THIS RELATIONSHIP, NO WOMAN SHOULD BE ABUSED, & TOO THAT YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP; BE PATIENT WITH YOUR FATHER, TRY TO TALK TO HIM, & REASSURE YOUR DAD THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER, IT IS RIGHT?; WE PARENTS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE THE EXAMPLE, & HE PROBABLY WILL COME AROUND. YOU BE THERE FOR THEM (YOUR PARENTS) & THEY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU! IT SHOULD WORK BOTH WAYS.
It is very hard to judge a person or a situation by just hearing a bit of the story so we risk being unfair to one of the parties or the whole situation all together. I do think it was very intelligent of you to leave that man and i'm sure your father realizes that too. Men sometimes get agressive as a way of dealing with the pain,which i think might be happening to your dad, he migh have gotten so angry at that guy that he's taking it out on you,by showing anger. Just give him some more time,let him deal with that anger,even if he's releasing it the wrong way. Try to show him you're all right now.Sometimes,it's the person who's hurt who has to console the others who care for her.
Your dad RE-ACTED to information. If he had ACTED, he might have shot any person who had harmed the baby he had always tried to protect. You were devestated when you had to face the horrible truth. Isn't your father allowed to be devestated, too ? Remember, your poor father is at a great disadvantage : he is male. Be thankful you have a living father who loves you, no matter how he may act sometimes. Good luck.
Regardless of who's fault it maybe, violence should not be tolerated. Generations back a good slap seemed to be applicable, and it is only now that my dad has "matured" in the way of thinking that it is not right. I used to hear him say, oh if she played up, she deserves a good slap, not his fault. Sometimes it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and if you look at it closely, how is your mother with him. Does he rule her with a firm hand, and does she run after him every time he calls. Looking at there relationship will give you a clue to his attitude about your ex-relationship.
I feel for you, I know it hurts really bad when your father reacts this way, I,, like you,, am a daughter and I've always wanted to please my dad also, some men just don't think, and he's not thinking, but i'm sure he's just very upset on the thought of you getting hurt by someone, he's angry, and he's just taking it out on you with words right now, You did end the relationship, so that is good, i'm sure he's proud of you but he's being a man,(and a worried dad) and he probably thinks his anger will persuade you to not get in this situation again, even though it's not your fault! we know that, and you should know that too, you didn't deserve that no matter what the reason the creep did what he did to you is, he's a abuser, and you were the smart one to get out of it and just forgive your dad in your heart for acting in the manner he has, that is the only way I know that you can let this go,I personally would write down exactly how I feel on paper, what I mean is write your dad a letter, let him know how much you love him and how you never want to let him down, and explain how hurt you felt when he acted the way he did, by blaming you, let him know it hurt, and you felt really let down by his reaction, because you want to be able to come to your dad with anything, and when he acts this way, it may prevent you from ever opeing up with him in the future on other things, your dad is a very lucky man for having a daughter that loves him so much and cares so much about what he thinks, take care.
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