Can someone please advise me what to do in this situation ? i would be extremely grateful?!

Question: Can someone please advise me what to do in this situation .? i would be extremely grateful.?
my mind is all disorganised and jumbled..

i have BPD and ptsd traits, struggle with aggression and rage, high anxiety aggraphobia , scared to leave my apartment , persecutory paranoia that everyones against me.

ive had an hard misfortunate life filled with trauma and abuse, ive missed out in life on ' social relationships ' forming any relationships - an education and qualifications - i have a criminal record going back 7 years ago and a long psychiatric record- been in a psyche hospital.

im 30 years old, 31 in january next year, i live alone in a small apartment on disability , i own nothing except a computer.

overall the mental health services have failed me throughout my existence , and only last year i got the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

my psychiatrist wont persrcibe meds because he said they can be addictive and dangerous and they only last a short time and you have to keep on taking them for benifit .

he aggreed i need psychanylitic therapy, i was refered to a group therapy centre for psychotherapy - they assessed me and said because ive been ' isolated ' for so long and still have problems with rage and aggression , that i wouldnt be ready right now to jump into a group therapy scenario , it would be too intense and challenging , and would possiblly stimulate my rage feelings.

so they reccommended a local drop in centre near by where i live thats less intense where they do activities & different projects , and theres people there like myself, they reccommended i attend this place to help me ' integrate back into society '.

they have provided me with an occupational therapist to help me practically to get out and face my aggraphobia and anxiety through ' desensitization ' - facing the fear gradually...

they have told me thers no 1 on 1 individual psychotherapy in my area because of lack of funding - which is what i wanted for my complex social behavioural issues .

even my psychiatrist aggreed i need the therapy but has no control over what resources are available in the area.

meanwhile i have an injured ankle which i sprained a year ago, torn tendons in my ankle that im doing physio exercise for and i will need an operation to see what damage has occured..

so theres just worry, anxiety, stress, insecurity , racing thoughts all around with me.

i feel anxious because i wanna attain my goals in life of a decent paid job in computers then to leave england and move to my country of heritage and origin ; france - a nice part of france , rural and find a partner , settle down etc..

im scared time will run out and im too disadvantaged to achieve that goal.

meanwhile what do i do .?

make a fuss for individual psychotherapy or just go along and accept what their offering .?Health Question & Answer

hi maybe u can see a soc worker instead of psychiastrist they can be just as good if not better and cheaper more availble. the right medication can help u i would also try and see a different dr for thatHealth Question & Answer

'Bash in my brain
and make me scream with pain
and kick me once again

and say we'll never part;

I know too well
I'm underneath your spell
so darling if you smell
something burning it's my heart

*hic*...'Health Question & Answer

I would accept what they are offering AND make a fuss about getting the individual attention you need.Health Question & Answer

I am sure if you had BPD and all the other disorders you mention,you would be on medication.
I am also sure I have seen this question more than once.Health Question & Answer

I emailed you last week about this but now it has more info in it.
Please re-read what I wrote.
Health Question & Answer

Refusing to give you anti anxiety meds is a strange approach to helping you.

You need the meds even if it's just a low dose to begin with. I would go back to the doc. An SSRI is not addictive and if taken for say 2 years can ease a lot of your probs so that you then have the strength to tackle more issues at an improved level, then you can leave them off slowly.Health Question & Answer

You feel hard done by darling ... you need to get over yourself ... many children have traumatic lives and manage to come out the other side, maybe with mental scars and diminished functionability but hey ... they manage to give their life meaning.
Your best option is probably to carry on posting these questions ... they might help you find the answer in yourself ...
You can block me ... you done it before ... you can run from my comments ... but in the end you will not manage to run from yourself ...
I'll add this :
I managed to get enormous strength from this through some of my darkest years.
And do as the first answerer suggest ... go along with what they offer whilst at the same time nagging them for what YOU want.Health Question & Answer

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