Am I depressed? Hormones? Teenage angst? Well... you tell me! Please.?!

Question: Am I depressed.? Hormones.? Teenage angst.? Well... you tell me! Please..?
I am 15yrs old. I have an amazing life. Perfect family. No financial difficulties. Private school. Nothing to complain about. Yet...

About a year ago I began to withdraw from my family. I put it down to being a teenager. However, the last few months i couldn't stop thinking about self-harming. It was worrying but i just ignored all those stray thoughts...

Then two of my best friends decided to be bitches. Got boyfriends. Ditched me and my other friend even though the four of us have known each other for four years. Bitched about us behind our backs. All the usual. Now we aren't friends anymore but i still have to go to school with them and boy is that awkward... I can't see the point in doing all the normal teenage stuff: getting drunk, having sex, trying drugs - it all seems so stupid and pointless. Which sets me apart.

During this however, I noticed that I do not feel.. right. I feel apathetic. Empty. Its an effort to smile; to look people in the eye. Even towards my family who I used to be very close to. I have stopped eating. I cannot sleep (getting maybe 6 hours AT MOST). I wake up early every morning. Stopped all my previous hobbies. Stopped trying to be social. Started self-harming.

I have one friend in the world and she self-harms too. She has a lot of family difficulties and is depressed. We just have each other and sometimes it is so hard to keep her from committing suicide whilst I am thinking the exact same thing. My whole life is a pretense. All the smiles and the laughter - I have to fake it all.

And yes i have thought about committing suicide. Just one night when I felt indescribably crap. But the thought has never left me. I don't think I will but why does it feel so appealing.?

I hate myself. I am fat. Selfish. Ugly. I actually want to be anorexic on some level. How messed up is that.?! Anyway. My self hatred effects my whole life. I cannot see a better future because I will always be the same, self-loathing person. I cant be bothered with school anymore. I want to rebel. Get in trouble. Run away. Drugs. Anything...

What also isnt helping is that I have a back problem. I have had it for a year now and no one knows how to cure it. I have had all the relevant scans, MRI's, hydrotherapy. Yet I am still in pain everyday.

I also have major exams coming up in a few months which is stressing me so bad!

Is this just being a teenager.? I am just not strong enough.? Am I making a big deal out of nothing.? Or am I depressed.? I really don't know what to do... please help me!


And sorry its a bit long.Health Question & Answer

Sweetheart, I doubt you'd believe me but I was in EXACTLY the same position as you. However, I knew the cause, because for several years from a VERY young age I was mentally and physically abused by various teachers, and I bottled it up until it became too overwhelming. I suffered insomnia, misanthropy and violent, gore-filled thoughts of rape and torture in my dreams and whenever I drifted off during the day. It was not fun.

I was diagnosed with depression at age 15, had a mental breakdown at age 16, and then began a painful healing process. Its one of the reasons I specialise in adolesent health now.

Anyway, Your hormones may be playing a part in this, but the fact that eye contact is a problem for you indicates something different. The sleeping (or lack of) is a factor too. Do what I did, but get it done early. Go to your doctor, tell him/her how horrible you feel and how life is such a chore. People often feel like their life is a constant wade through thick sludge - so hard to do.

You should be sent to get some help. Usually they'll do a mental asessment - I've carried several out myself as well as undergoing them. MIND, a UK based child mental health clinic, are very good at handling this and in my experience working with them and for them, they are brilliant.

Obviously there is an underlying factor and I don't think youre just being hormonal. Go see your doctor and explain how you've been thinking of self harm.

I was hospitalised twice because of my self harming, and stil bear a faded scar on my leg from where I gashed it open. Don't end up like that, please.

Whilst you're waiting for help, if you ever really feel like hurting yourself, squeeze an ice cube real tight. It gives a numb pain but doesn't dammage as much as cutting. It can help hold the thoughts off for a while.

I hope you get some help an dfeel better soon. This time in your life is so hard and people never realise how each person deals with it differently, and so many people have so little sympathy for people going through the trauma of the teens.

Get better soon, and be strong. You can get through this if you get some outside help xx

If you're having problems, I am actualy a nurse who has worked with these cases. If you'd like more detailed advice on the help you can get depending on where you live, or just want to ask any more questions about this, feel free to email me ( and I'll be happy to help you as much as possible :)Health Question & Answer

i feel ya. i feel almost exactly how you do.
even with the self harming stuff
i've come to the conclusion tht im depressed.
if you want you could see a counselor or watever
but try to escape by listening to music.
it really helps me from going insane.
ever heard of the song Welocme to my Life by Simple Plan.? well maybe you can relate to tht. cuz i kno i do.Health Question & Answer

A lot of teens are angsty, so people tend to dismiss teenagers who feel the way you do. It sounds to me you actually have dysthymia, which is one type of depression. It's also what I have (at least I really think I do). Your back problem is very likely rooted to your dysthymia also. I'm a a few years older than you, but I feel basically the same way. You and I both need to see a doctor because experiencing all those symptoms for such a long amount of time (in my case 2 years) is no way to live. They will most likely help you (and me) with helpful suggestions and possibly give prescriptions for medicine.Health Question & Answer

Well I'm sure I have depression and I feel like that a lot.
It sounds like you are depressed.
Just know that no matter what you think you DO have people around who care about you.
Maybe you should look at yourself in the mirror and just tell yourself you are a good person.
And you are.
Drugs, self-harm, none of that's the answer.
It will just make you feel worse in the long-run.Health Question & Answer

I felt and sometimes feel the same way. All my friends ditched me when I was 13 after my Dad died. I started being friends with other kids that did drugs, only for a short time, because I think drugs are stupid. I have too much respect for myself to do drugs, however I would drink a little to numb the pain. I also cut as a teenager (to try to numb the pain), I was fat, ugly and pathetic. I hated everything and everyone, I tried to commit suiciede one day, while doing this I came to the relization that if I didn't turn my life around I would regret it. No one would help me, my Mom was clearly unstable after Dad died and the rest of the family was either passed away or unhelpful. I felt lost and hopeless, but when I came to this relization I started to think differently, having different opinions about things. I found other ways to express myself since I didn't really fit in with anyone. I started to paint, draw and would have done some acting, but our school was so small it didn't have drama class. I knew I wanted to be a stronger person, I slowly stopped cutting myself, it was hard though. I started to go out more, and not letting anyone's thoughts but my own matter. Everyone is different and why should I change for them to execpt me.
You have to do what you have to do to be happy. I found that music helped alot and finding things to do. I used to try to invent stuff and take different things apart and see if I could put them back together like my cd player. I became fascinated by how things worked.
also think even when other people seem happy you have to look closer, yes people can be happy, but their is also something that is bothering them at any given moment. So your not the only one who has felt this way, you may just be showing it differently. Teenage years are tough, but when you get older you see that alot of that stuff that you thought was a huge deal, really isn't anything to worry about. You relize that that was just a stepping stone to get you to where you are going.
You have got to give yourself some credit for what you have accomplished. Try to make goals as well, even small ones to help you get your mind off things. Try writing down all the things you do like about yourself when your in a better mood and look at this list when you are more down than usual.
You may want to try reading some books to help you. I recomend:

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness
by Daniel G. Amen

Try remembering what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And even if you don't feel that you are that important, remember that you matter to at least 90% of people that know you or have met you or talked to.Health Question & Answer

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